Miss family

Dearest @AlwaysMyself

I don’t want to accuse myself of being a bad mother : but I was at times. Yes I paid for lots of tutoring, therapy, basketball, swimming, etc etc but I was suffering.

both my adult children work crazy hard in jobs that are very different but both work very long hours.

But the reality is Their father was a source of Domestic Violence (DV). Then my youngest son suffered cancer for 15 years. It took me 7 years to gather the knowledge : no support and the strength to leave him. During those years, my children's primary 'Atmosphere' was one of survival in my life. It took years to walk away from that ……

Iv had years of therapy and trauma therapy.

In reality though, because of a head injury 40 years ago ( 7 times clinically dead, 6 weeks in a coma ) my mother chose to come into my life and took my sons away from me when they were both turning 15. It’s taken years for them to forgive me and at the time I couldn’t do anything unless they would blame me for stopping them living with relatives.

My past is behind me. However I note both my sons emotionally struggle.

@Leeanne1 @Cappuccino_75 @Sunflowersage @RadAcceptance20 @Ru-bee

I used to blame my 'sins,' but now I see it as Generational Trauma. it’s about acknowledging the 'Geology' we all had to survive.

I’m not sitting here beating myself up. I have much faith that they both have support.

Thank you @AlwaysMyself for making myself think. I’m having dinner with my brother 2 years under: he wants to talk about my mum : this message has helped me get a bit of clarity. @AlwaysMyself

@Leeanne1 Sorry to hear your boyfriend is negative and not a support for you. My (now-ex) husband was like that too, even though he used to be caring and supportive but over time it declined and he also did not know how to help, so instead he would ignore it when I was not feeling OK. 😢

Are things OK with your boyfriend at other times? Or does he tend to drag you down whenever you are around him?

Can I ask whether he is "negative in general" or specifically negative about you?

Either way, definitely not helpful for you - especially when you already are feeling depressed and lonely and needing connection. I hope you are able to limit how much you need to see him (if at all) whilst you are feeling depressed.

Do you have other friends (or any of the 4 children you have contact with) that feel good to talk to or be around when you're depressed?

Thank you for your openness & reflection @PeppyPatti . I feel honoured that you are willing to share, and I am also really glad that it has also been a helpful self-reflection for you too. 😊 I am glad you no longer blame yourself. It sounds like you tried your best, and were in a very difficult and scary situation (even prior to the head injury!). I would love to celebrate that you did manage to get out of the DV relationship (even if it took many years to do so) - it is not an easy thing to do, and often in itself has many risks. That is no small thing that you did get yourself out of that relationship.

I knew someone had taken your children away from you, but did not realise it was your mother or that it was due to the head injury. I don't at all think this could be "your fault" or something to be held responsible for. Gosh that would have been so horrible, and at a time when family should have been the most supportive and needed thing. You are such an amazingly strong person @PeppyPatti , even if you only see yourself as "simply you" 😉 I see you as much more.

I hope the dinner with your brother goes well.

@AlwaysMyself

I don't like to put my problems on to my children. I have a good friend I can talk too, my boyfriend is negative about himself and he is a drinker

I am glad there is at least one friend you can talk to @Leeanne1 😊.
What do you think the best things about this friend are? 😊 I would love to celebrate this friendship you have with her, with you.

It is very caring of you to not want to "put your problems" onto your children. If you asked your children what they think about whether they would prefer to know so that they can support you, what do you think they would say? 🤔

Is there something specific you can ask them to do that would help? (without having to tell them the problems you feel)

e.g. "I'd like to go to lunch with you once a month" or "would you mind coming over to help me with ...." (or to watch a movie?)

To tell the truth @AlwaysMyself

what has 40 years of therapy done.
I used to go to bed and scream and cry for 5 days if I saw my Mum.

and today. If I see Mum I go reflective and quiet for 2 days.

• I have no job title. I used to read tarot cards for a lot of money until Centrelink realised I forgot to tell them of my earnings so had a bill that paid them $25 per fortnight for about 7 years.
  @Leeanne1 @RadAcceptance20 @RadAcceptance20 @Sunflowersage @Cappuccino_75

thankyou @AlwaysMyself the other thing is that I’m learning

to calm down.
how are you tonight?
the dinner with my brother is a bit triggering and healing as well.
he goes in and on about how much work he has to do because he has two young children at 56. He goes on and on about it. It reminds me of my Mum.
@Leeanne1

@Appleblossom @Jacques

Hey @Leeanne1 dear, how are you?

Have missed you. Sorry, I've been away. Back now.

What's happening for you? Have you been doing much craft or cooking?

@tyme

Hi, I feeling better now I've been knitting and been spending time with mum . how are you doing ?

Nice @Leeanne1

Do you knit things to sell? Or is it for other things?

It's nice you can spend time with your mum. It's also precious to have that time.

What else have you been busying yourself with?

I've been pretty good. Re-adjusting to work and a bit of normalcy!

@tyme

I knit to give to friends family or donate