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I dont know if any of you experience this with BPD or maybe its the PTSD that causes it. I find when I'm extremely stressed and someone starts to lecture me or yell at me etc I can feel like my brain shutting down and everthing becomes blah blah blah and I'm not really taking anything in and I just feel numb all over. My partner says I get this glazed look in my eye and its always at moments of high stress and he feels then there is no point talking to me as I wont remember it.
Is this just disassociation and how can you stop it from coming on? I understand its probably the brain's self defence mechanism protecting me from harms way but when I'm trying to move forward and stop these knee jerk reactions its hard. I know the PTSD has something to do with it as it comes from childhood, when ever there is yelling or stress its my instant reaction but I want to stop it - any ideas?
Is this the reason why my memory is bad as well? I can remember the most trivial things from years ago but ask me something about yesterday or last week I will struggle to remember. Everytime my partner and I watch a movie on TV I might say this would be good to watch and he would say but we just watched this weeks ago and you didnt like it and I will have no recollection of this at all. Its happened at work once or twice and even at the doctors.
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
@PeppiPatty No way never. I never want these guys ever ever again. No. I hate them so much. They took my childhood and innocence away. No.
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
ShimmerSenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Hi @PeppiPatty
How are you?
Sometimes people do this through imagery with their therapists, it can be very powerful!
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
pipSenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Hi @PeppiPatty. I actually did abuse my abuser through therapy years ago. It was difficult but the freedom I felt after was so worth it. For sadgirl to do that, it would take a lot of power which (at the moment) she has not got. Her anger is such that dealing with it is enough. Perhaps once she has confronted her anger and accepted she can't change what happened, she may then be better prepared to 'face' her abuser and take back the power that was taken from her. Small steps in therapy is necessary for healing.
In response to: Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
ShimmerSenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
A very strong reaction @BlueBay. It's good that you know yourself and can make that choice to never see them again. As we know, people recover in different ways, and it sounds like for you, making that decision is a powerful way to move on with your life.
In response to: Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Sometimes "empty chair" work can help release some of the anger at a past abuser .. abusing the therapist is never going to help .. and makes their job tougher. But using the technique of imagining the abuse in the chair ... and being safe and supported by therapist we are able to re-author our story.
W may depth and learn to form an inner shield and maybe a mental way to "contain" the past abuse .. not clinging to it .. letting it go .. but when we remember it we have processed it in a way that we have regained the power that was taken by the initial experience.
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
pipSenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Hi @Lostboy. Dissociation is the mind's way of blocking our memory to stop the pain from the memory. Either way it hurts because the pain and memory still exists. Dissociation or ignoring simply means we're not ready to acknowledge how we feel. Once you acknowledge pain, sadness, grief, and why you feel it, you start healing. Acknowledging is painful, healing is painful, but it's different pain. Acknowledging is allowing the painful memory in, healing is learning to let go of the pain from the memory. I have learnt through therapy to 'store' painful memories in boxes in my brain. Now and again I release those memories to remind myself why I distanced myself from those who hurt me. Now the people who hurt me don't exist, because I stopped them. They are still alive - yes, they simply ceased to exist in my life. Reminding myself these people still exist, doesn't hurt because I've healed.
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
I'm too scared @pip to try to "talk" to my abusers. @PeppiPatty I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I know you only gave a suggestion I'm sorry if I came across too strong. Thanks for your suggestion.
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
@Shimmer I never want to see the abusers again. Ever. They have damaged me my trust and my faith that I will recover. I'm sobbing and trying very hard to type this. When someone you trust takes that away and dies the most horrible things to s little girl I can never forget. It hurts so much the pain is too raw. My heart aches for the little girl in me. 😥
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
@Shimmer - there were three abusers. Abused st different times by these disgusting creeps from the age of 9-12. 😥😥
In response to: automatic shutdown or disassociation
PeppiPattySenior Contributor
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Thankyou to everyone for explaining it to me. I'm not in the right mind again : mostly @BlueBay message was the one which set me right. Also @pip and Apple
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