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Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

CherryBombSenior Contributor21 Oct 2016, 4:34 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Setting Boundaries

As carers we often hear and talk about the need to establish boundaries in our relationships. Boundaries can help keep relationships healthy. In fact, they are vital in relationships as they can help us feel empowered, respected and safe.

But how exactly do we maintain boundaries? How do we know what an appropriate boundary is? And more importantly, what can and what should we do when our boundaries have been crossed?

Join us Tuesday, November 22nd from 7 - 9 (AEDT) for some practical strategies and advice on setting boundaries. We'll be joined by Mental Illness Fellowship South Australia (MIFSA).

Two things you can do now

1) Register as a Forum member to participate on the night

2) Hit the 'Like' button below to receive an email reminder on the night

3) Can't make the session? Leave a question below.

86 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

MIFSAsupportSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

I think if we are clear about boundaries and aiming to be sure that the person you care for understands can be helpful. Writing down the agreed particulars of the boundary being set and displaying it for both to see is one way to do this.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

CARING4CARERSContributor22 Nov 2016, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

@MIFSAsupport I have a question... what advice would you give carers around maintaining boundaries when we feel the need to get involved or give advise to the person we care for to prevent them from engaging in behaviour that leads to more anxiety and stress for them? It's often hard to keep the boundaries when we can see things deteriorating.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

CherryBombSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:16 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

@MIFSAsupport how can we start to plan boundaries around our values? I imagine for some carers, setting boundaries can seem at odds with values. For instance, I have spoken to carers who feel at odds living with their loved, while also being misberable because they don't want to ask them to leave. For parents, espcially asking their children to leave goes against their values. Any thoughts on how to find that balance with your values?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

MIFSAsupportSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:16 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Effective communication is paramount. we need to listen to hear not in order to respond. The language we use is so imnportant. rahter that saying "You" need to change, try "I" need to make some changes. We can't chang ethe person we care for but we can change they way we care.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

MIFSAsupportSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:18 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Identifying ones values is very fruitful when setting boundaries for both you and the person you care. For example, someone who avoids family members or is not motivated to get dressed each morning, may identify that “I like/love my family and spending time with them” The discrepancy between what the person values and their current behaviour, would be discussed with the professional. This provides a reason for them to change.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

MIFSAsupportSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

@CARING4CARERS

The carer or support role is a balancing act between "care giving" and "care taking"

The desire to help someone, especially those close to us, is just human nature. Sometimes, this act of kindness can backfire on us. Are we enabling or empowering? care taking or care giving? Are we lending a hand to help people accomplish things they could not do by themselves.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

I agree @CARING4CARERS xx

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Mama_PenguinContributor22 Nov 2016, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

Hi @MIFSAsupport and othets

Not sure if I just post away with a question but here goes:

Any advice on setting boundaries with my work place? I've had a lot of unplanned leave - often days and weeks at a time in my caring role. I've felt some pressure to be at work (eg. Emails listing all the tasks that aren't getting done).

I've been very open about my caring role and responsibilities but have only been in this job a short time and don't want to be seen as a "problem".

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

CherryBombSenior Contributor22 Nov 2016, 7:23 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

@MIFSAsupport in terms of how we approach caring, how do we navigate when caring may ask us to challenge our values?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

CARING4CARERSContributor22 Nov 2016, 7:24 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Setting Boundaries // 22 November 7 - 9pm AEDT

I think often we try to work preventatively to avoid further stress, anxiety, failure, relapse for the person we care for and for ourselves/rest of the family. So in that way it's hard to keep the space and be seperate from decision making because ultimately we often bear the brunt of the issues when things go wrong. What advise can you give for keeping out of decisions/boundaries when we can predict these outcomes?

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