Not Coping

Precisely. You would never intentionally go out to say those 'mean' things to other people, yet what makes it right that you can continually say it to yourself? @Birdofparadise8

Yes, habits are hard to break. And that's why there are 'growing pains'. Growing pains means stretching in a way that is out of your comfort zone. Fiercely attacking these unhelpful thoughts as much as they fiercely attack you. If you can 'train your brain' to travel down another 'road' in your brain, you will see change. But this takes time, resilience and persistance.

Why do brains have to be so complicated, @tyme?

I feel I deserve it. I'm not worth people or myself saying a nice thing to me. What's the point? I'm just a burden towards everyone and better off not here.

I am not very good at challenging my thoughts. This statement above proves it.

One other strange thing is that I am taking this new medication to help me sleep. I took it about two hours ago, and I am still wide awake.

The strange thing is, though, the same thing happened last night, and I was so groggy today and just wanted to sleep @tyme. Why would I be tired during the day and awake at night?

I'm on an extended release medication, so mine takes about 3 hours before I tend to feel sleepy @Birdofparadise8 . Also, the more you are worried about not sleeping, the harder it will be to fall asleep.

Shall we add patience to a list of goals (joking)? Give your poor body time to adjust. Go gentle. Kindness kindness kindness is what is lacking right now.

And yes, to harshly say it, your statement did prove how you are NOT very good at being kind to yourself - YET. But I have full trust that you will get there!

The pharmacists said it should start to work in 30 min.

I am more awake now than at lunch time @tyme. I know for a fact I'm going to be exhausted now and tomorrow.

I agree definitely need to work on it. I have a psychology appointment tomorrow. Maybe I should bring it up then.

What would the exact words you would say? Just being kind to myself and how I speak or something.

This is the @Birdofparadise8 I want to see more. Having curiosity 🙂

As for your appointment, perhaps it is about ways to challenge unhelpful thoughts about yourself so that there is kindness for self? I believe it can fall under the underlying principles of cognitive behaviour therapy.

That's a start at least.

I'm off now, but we will reconvene tomorrow at some point.

Hahaha thank you @tyme.

I'm just trying my best slow and steady wins the race they say.

I hope you have a good night at speak to you tomorrow.

My apologies @Birdofparadise8

I was so very drowsey last night, I fell asleep. It sounds like you were in a bad space, mentally - with triggers and such. And I remember giving you an analogy that a tree may be moved by the wind but doesn't become the wind...

I'm going to head on down to the Cafe and bring you with me. I will read through your posts that I missed last night and stay in touch.

Hope the turntable of your train has spun favourably while you slept 🧡🙏

Hey @Kyle1

All good don’t worry about it. I hope you slept well. It took me forever to get to sleep.

I literally got up at 8:50 for my 9am appointment luckily I got dressed in time and it’s only across the road from the uni.

I hope you enjoy the cafe.

@Birdofparadise8 one of the cautions my GP gave me regarding this medication is that symptoms can worsen at the beginning...