@Birdofparadise8 makes sense - trauma runs on what is safe, and sometimes what is safe is that which is comfortable, i.e. familiar. It runs on habit. It's not an uncommon experience for us wee lil traumatised beans to feel threatened by experiencing any kind of joy or happiness, because we're always looking for the bad that must be underneath. One of my (sometimes begrudgingly) favourite quotes is "All progress takes place outside of the comfort zone." Sometimes, it feels really weird to experience pleasant emotional states, and the brain can often react with self-sabotage. Unfortunately, one aspect of healing is that you might just have to get used to the discomfort of pleasure, and that can be a very mind-bendy concept.
@creative_writer I totally get you, how do you try to see it from their perspective when their actions were so heinous? I remember seeing something, I think on Youtube about someone who decided to forgive their r*pist (you could probably google it) if you're curious. But again, I think the important part is the notion that forgiveness is not about saying the act was okay, but about saying you are no longer going to let it run your life. And maybe you're not ready for that, and that is also okay! Your anger is also valid, and perhaps it needs some attention and space to come out too.
