Not Coping

Um, I am not sure @tyme. That sounds even harder. I wouldn't want to be mean to my childhood self, I guess, but then I don't think I will ever stop beating myself up for how I feel, for why I was bullied. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Was it because of my name, how I looked and because of how I talked? I really don't know why it happened and why I deserved it.

Hello @tyme how are you? We’re online together…finally 😀

Yes 🙂 And i'm so glad for it @Eve7 - it's been a busy 2 months or so.

How's recovery going for you? Would you say you are physically better?

Please know, you can always reach out to me. I know you have had a difficult time recently.

Hugs to you 🙂

Hey @Birdofparadise8 . As bad as this sounds, are you able to change what has happened in the past?

There are moments in life when we sit and dwell on the past. I'm not sure if I have shared this with you, but 'living in the past' often brings depression.

Conversely, living in the future brings anxiety.

As much as I which the bullying never happened, the idea of radical acceptance is to accept the things we cannot change (not that I am condoning the bullying in any way! It is a terrible thing that has happened!). The purpose of 'radical acceptance' does not benefit the bully/ies. It merely allows you to live in the NOW. Living in the NOW is the only thing that you are in control of. Living in the NOW means you can make choices.

There are many terrible things that have happened to me in the past. I have 'forgiven' the people - not because it matters to them, but forgiveness actually relieves me of the hatred and anger I feel each time I think about what has happened. If I could wind back the clock, I would. But unfortunately I can't.

Allow yourself to live, because you deserve it!

Thank you @tyme Yes, physically I am much better especially my ankle. I felt so encouraged after seeing my surgeon yesterday.

A few difficult anniversaries coming up but pdoc has scheduled extra visits so hopefully that works.

Im going for a run tomorrow with gs2. I hope he doesn’t get bored waiting for me.

Hahaha. @Eve7 - how old is GS2? You never fail to surprise me.

I dread the thought of running even to my front door!

Well done in advance! You beat me any day!!!!

No, I can't change the past. I wish I could. I want to return and be perfect so people won't be mean and do whatever I need to seem normal or acceptable by others.

I suppose I am not sure how I can accept it.

How did you forgive the people that hurt you @tyme?

I couldn't imagine forgiving them. It caused me so much pain and hurt. It has made me struggle so much that I took my childhood away, and now made me traumatised and depressed.

I know I need to, but like you said it seems fake I just don't know how to do it and be sincere with myself. @creative_writer