Not Coping

Happy Easter to you @Blackbird11

What are you doing today @Blackbird11?

Good morning @Birdofparadise8 🙂🌺

Totally understand why and how it’s high value ☺️

Yep - I can see positive changes. …which are hard to see in ourselves sometimes because we are too busy focusing on the ‘doing’ instead of the ‘observing’ within ourselves (very hard to do both at once!)

That is a bit more challenging isn’t it.. self soothing/regulation (I’m not sure what the best descriptor is, but for these purposes I think either is fine - what do you think?) is difficult when there’s not a lot of positive we believe about ourselves, and I think it may be because there’s negative self talk getting in the way, maybe? At least, that’s what I used to have getting in the way when I couldn’t settle after being distressed: lots of negative self talk berating myself for being upset - rather than thinking it was a bad situation or unhelpful person who was insensitive that upset me, and I don’t have to take the responsibility for the situation or the other person because both are out of my control and influence…therefore there was actually no justification to talk myself down 🙂

i started trying to keep this in mind each time I was automatically thinking the worst/blaming myself. After a while, I could add in thoughts like I did my best under the circumstances, and tried to contribute to a solution, and even though it didn’t work out, I did the best I could and I can be proud I tried, and I have no guilt, blame or shame.

after a while, I could do this quicker, and also recover quicker. Which is what I consider being able to listen to self talk that I know I would say to someone else under the same circumstances, to help them feel better and see things more objectively.

maybe ask your psych about it, if you’d like to add it to your list? 🙂

Also, keep in mind that during those times when you find it hard to manage, you have people who have been through hard times themselves, and who recognise what it’s like, and who believe in you 🌺🙂

Not too bad thanks @Birdofparadise8 🌺🙂

how are you today?
do you have any plans?
I’m tossing up going for a drive for a bit 🌺🙂

Hey @Birdofparadise8

I am going to a friends for lunch, then we'll go out to watch the NBL final game. Go Tasmania Jack Jumpers!

What are you up to? Did you enjoy the easter egg hunt yesterday?

Yes, lots of negative self-talk.

One thing I would say is. Last year, my not-so-friend who rejected me bumped into me one day at uni when I was in the psych hospital at the time after my attempt. She asked some very personal questions, and when we talked, I'd mention my depression, and then one day, she wouldn't respond to me and said I was too much to handle.

I sobbed for two hours straight once I got back to the hospital. I talked about it on the forums for over a week, and I think people here were getting sick of me for going on about it, but regection hurts a lot.

Anyway, my point is that with RO, it took less than a week, so that's an improvement. Also, what happened between us took a couple of days. But that was all my fault. I still don't know why I perceived what you said as rejection.

So, I would say I've noticed that within myself. What do you think about that? @Former-Member

Very, very high value; I'm happy you can't age out of here like you do with RO. I would not cope.

I'm really bad at self-regulation. I just don't seem to be able to do it. Not a lot helps me other than talking to people like on here. Is that a bad thing?

I hope they win, too @Blackbird11

I'm just going to work on my lab report and go to the pool, but I'm not sure what else.

Yeah, it was alright.

I would definitely say that time to recovery being less is a huge gain @Birdofparadise8 🙂🌺

I believe that some behaviours are learned from modelling, which means that interacting with others in a safe and trusted environment (like on the forums here), can be very helpful in demonstrating ways to engage and discuss things without the large risk of unknown reactions; here, you have people who are understanding and empathetic, and so there’s things that can be gleaned and learned from being here and chatting along with everyone, I think ☺️

In terms of regulation, sometimes - even today - I still need to sound board something with someone I trust to get their opinion about it when I am upset or distressed about something, and then it gives me a perspective I didn’t see before while I was in a bit of a shut down state due to distress.
I think it’s very normal to do this, and if your safe place is the forums, then I do understand why talking to people here is helpful, for sure ☺️

Yeah, I thought so, to @Former-Member

But what if you're relying on them too much?

How would I know if I'm relying too much on the forums? People have said things about it that I do.