Yeah we had a bit of a chat just as we started talking. She has actually contacted my GP so that is really good to let her know about my suicidal thoughts and how they are increasing. I find it a bit difficult to talk about it all with her as I’ve only had two appointments with her for like a totally of 30 ish minutes so getting the counselor to tell her what is happening is very helpful because I feel as though I will down play how bad things are.
We talked about how to change negative thoughts which I find very hard when I’m down the path of ruminating.
These are some of the thought I can have on a daily bases. Just why am I sad, I am all alone, that i'm a failure, I've let everyone down being family and myself, that I'm not worth anything, l'm a burden, I just don't want to be here anymore, that I am broken and nothing left to fix,I am a waste of space and everyone is better off with out
I feel like everything is my fault being bullied, left out, alone, the depression and everything else that is endless to say. Maybe if I had of acted differently or something I might not be like who I am now depressed and miserable.
So I just love my brain so much having these thoughts play through my head all the time and I can’t seem to turn them off. The only think I could come up with though to turn my thoughts around a bit is was that “it’s okay to not be okay” because I definitely feel like I need to be okay around people and not show how I am feeling.
Sorry that was a long one @tyme
