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Help!

HopelessSenior Contributor08 Oct 2016, 10:30 pm AEDT

Help!

Hi.
My brother is getting acutely unwell. Currently at home on bail. 32 yrs old living with my parents, I live next door with husband and 2 young girls.
Brother is not sleeping, paranoid, dilusional, manic, agitated,no respect or care, turning my parents home upside down, painting walls,setting up traps, making a fire pit ect.
Paranoid someone or something is going to break in.
Thinks my parents are setting him up and tricking him.
They forgot to lock the door the other night and when he finallly got some sleep and woke up in a panic yelling and swearing at my parents at 3am telling them off for not locking the door. Accused them of taking his lighter and switching his pockets.
What do we do.???how do we talk to him. ?
I'm worried when my parents are asleep. I'm starting to hate his behaviour. So desperate right now.????

66 replies

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In response to: Help!

pipSenior Contributor24 Oct 2016, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: Help!

Hi @F&H. I too thank you for the support you have given Hopeless in her struggles. I am pleased that I was there for you too. When we deal with people with severe MI such as Hopeless's brother and your hubby, the drain on our own emotions take a beating. The recovery can be slow and often as painful as the original MI suffered by the patients. Recognizing it is difficult, as you have to emotionally 'divorce' your emotions in order to 'see' what's happened. Learning to do this is like forcing yourself to look in a mirror and seeing yourself for the first time.

In response to: Help!

pipSenior Contributor24 Oct 2016, 10:37 pm AEDT

Re: Help!

Hi @Hopeless. I don't suspect your brother will go down to being a 'down and out'. He will insure your mother won't let that happen. He knows which buttons to push and how hard to push them. Your mother's guilt over his hospital stay will keep her dancing to his tune. At this point it might be best if you limit the time spent with them as it will be frustrating for you to see mum bending to accommodate him. It is hard for you as you want the best for everyone, but you need to care for you and your own family. I hope your mum will ask for help if things get too hard. Be there for her when and as you can, but also be aware of your own emotional state which is quite tender.

In response to: Help!

HopelessSenior Contributor24 Oct 2016, 11:39 pm AEDT

Re: Help!

Thankyou pip u have been absolutely amazing. The support u have given me over the weeks has been really helpful. I know it's going to be a long road ahead and am not confident it will never happen again.. a relapse I mean.
Well we see the mental health team on wed and Thursday he will be home.
He met a girl while there and is now fixated on seeing her when he gets out.
im sure I'll continue on here for further advice.
😘

In response to: Re: Help!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 1:45 am AEDT

Re: Help!

All the best @Hopeless ..... 🌷💜

@pip .... 😘

In response to: Re: Help!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 1:59 am AEDT

Re: Help!

@pip

it is actually good for me to hear you say that my hubby's illness is severe. That is something conflicting in my mind at the moment ....

On the one hand we have had to acclimatise to his regimen, and the fact that the relationships are struggling, his judgement and personality are not what they were, and to some degree we are still walking on eggshells. As such it can seem to not be severe .... we have gotten used to it ... people who are not in the know haven't picked up on it yet .... and he is still trucking on at full steam ahead, giving the impression perhaps that he can do this indefinitely.

On the other hand, I think I am starting to see hairline fractures in his health facade. He has developed a couple of issues with his eyes, and may need to go for more testing. I asked him today why he thought this was happening. His answer was "old age" ..... I said, "but you're not old" ... to which he replied, "well, you don't know when it's going to catch up on you ....", implying that he is one of the unlucky ones for whom old-age health issues have arrived early ..... how to tell him he's bringing it on ??

And the fact that the illness appears to have disguised itself and just nestled into eveyday life, belies the responses I have been met with by eating disorder support services ..... while they can't diagnose him without seeing him, they are able to ascertain that someone presenting with his behaviours constitutes an unusual and complex version of eating disorder.

So .... your mention that it is severe reminds me that it is, and is or will be in fact life-threatening.

In response to: Re: Help!

pipSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 6:23 am AEDT

Re: Help!

HI @Hopeless. I'm so pleased I have been able to guide and support you this way. You are more than welcome to continue posting as and when you feel the need. Perhaps this girl your brother has met will be a good turning point for him. All the best.

In response to: Re: Help!

pipSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 8:05 am AEDT

Re: Help!

Hi @F & H. Often the so-called professionals fail to pick up because their training does not include the emotional side. When you live with someone who suffers any sort of MI, trying to get help is hard because the patient often tries to come across as not needing help, but going along with it, because it might make it easier for their families. The training is usually mainly theory about how they speak, body language, (fidgeting) eye movement (not looking directly at whoever is speaking to them etc). The emotional side, however, looks at their lifestyle and how they cope with seemingly simple tasks, making a coffee, helping serve dinner. To the outside world, they appear to be able to do these things, to their spouses and immediate families, however, these tasks can lead to tantrums because they fear being caught out as not being able to do these things. Your hubby denying, by commenting he is 'getting older' would be an indication of this fear. He possibly may say this casually, but you would notice he means it. There isn't any easy way of answering this, except to ignore the comment and change the subject. This is in no way indicating you are ignoring his fear, this is just not allowing him to let the fear overtake him. It is extremely hard to live with and you too need support for when it gets too much for you. If he persists in this 'getting old' answer, agree by saying something like, aren't we all?

In response to: Re: Help!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 8:38 am AEDT

Re: Help!

Hi @pip .... I hope it's okay, but I have taken the conversation across to my Need a Shoulder thread, cos the behaviours and symptoms of my WH's (Wayward Husband's) ed are in such a different place, I don't want to distract from @Hopeless's situation and overwhelm this thread for others seeking support in her situation ....

Hi @Hopeless 😊

Come across too if you like. It's on the same discussion topic. I will tag you, but only chat there if you want to ....

🌷💜

In response to: Re: Help!

HopelessSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 10:19 am AEDT

Re: Help!

Hello.

All the best faith and hope. We are constantly battling. Their illness becomes OUR illness. Ill see you again on here in a couple of days to update you on the the home coming !!!!!!!

In response to: Re: Help!

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Oct 2016, 10:21 am AEDT

Re: Help!

Take care @Hopeless .... all the best .....

🌷💜

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