Help!

I can relate @Hopeless. I am up against a similar (denial) mind-set in my in-laws.

The only thing I have found as a way forward in this sort of situation is to hold to my own integrity, and let the truth emerge by degrees. I leave off trying to bring them around to my understanding by agreeing to disagree. You begin to recognise that point where you just can't get through, as you are expressing. Although it's tough, you really don't need battles on two fronts.

If you can agree to disagree, part of that agreement will be that you continue to support your mother and brother in the role you believe to be appropriate, and the other part is that he (your husband) refrains from repeatedly expressing his point of view in the face of what you are trying to achieve.

He (your husband) will only hear about the situation in increments. Effectively he will have side-lined himself, and although it means you don't have much-needed spousal emotional support .... well it ain't happenin' at the moment anyway, and at least you won't have spousal emotional opposition going on.

As the doctors make headway with your brother, and the treatment begins to take effect, your husband will come to understand in hindsight that he was wrong, and ought to have been more supportive. Hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later.

I can't speak for mental illness across the board - my experience doesn't extend that far - I can tell you that my husband is harbouring some sort of awareness about his condition. Last year he made the comment that the psychologist I was seeing for emotional support "would love to get his hands on me .... I would be a psychologist's dream ....", talking about himself.

When I repeated this comment to the psychologist, his response was, "Psychologist's nightmare more like .... !"

The point is, even though it was issued in a joking form, my husband was displaying an awareness that he's not okay. Even in the midst of playing up, your brother also appears to be aware that there is something wrong with him. It does muddy the water a lot when there is manipulation going on, but as you said, that doesn't mean he's not ill. If anything, it's a clearer indication that he is .... well people don't behave this way.

Thanks Pip, I do understand all of that and you explained my husband well !.

I know he is also upset because his family are in NZ and we are all here and he cannot support them in their time of need. I get it i really do.

I have held off discussing anything with my husband for over a year now when he told me my brother was not welcome. This was before he even got this bad. I will definately refrain from discussing my brother with him and keep him on the sideline. It just really sux because we are such a big family who love doing stuff together but it will never be the same again and there will always be eggshells. Venting on here and having you reply helps soooooooooooooooooo mcuh more then you will ever know and to be honest i dont think i would have gotten by so strongly as i have without it.

2 hours til family meeting. Ill be in touch. x

Be thinking of you @Hopeless. Stay strong ....

🌷💜

Hello again. Great outcome. He is no longer being discharged tomorrow. He has been assigned a Case Manager for his Community Treatment Order and she was really good. She suggested he actually not be discharged tomorrow and instead be given some leave. I think she may be concerned he is not ready and did not want us to be left to deal with it all alone. He will remain with some leave over the next few days and then may be discharged on monday depending on how that goes.

My brother has displayed some, what we would call, paranoia. This includeds thinking someone is trying to get rid of him for his life insurance (even though he has not a cent to his name). He also thought maybe my dad tried to poison him. He also wanted to get rid of the girl that accused him of abuse. When the Phsyciatrist asked him about all of this he said it was all a joke and people always take him the wrong way.

During the meeting my brother was his "normal" unbearable self. A Lyer, manipulator, player.

He thinks the whole thing has been blown out of proportion and doesnt know why he got to where he is now. He reckons he is feeling good and doesnt need to talk about it. He then said he doesnt like the injections and wants to just take the oral meds which he said made him feel good (even though he told us he wasnt taking the meds). The Pysch told him it was not up to him and he was ordering the injections. This is good.

Now the only thing i am concernd about is............ I honestly beleive his pychotic symptoms are brought on by drug use. I think his "normal" is a personality disorder. Im worried the injections wont change him, which can only mean he has the underlying personality disorder. This is a worry but i cant look into it too much.... I am now feeling content. I can now take a seat back and wait and see how the meds go and if changes are made. Thats all i can do. If things dont change, it means we will have to move away from living next door to my family.

I really didnt like him today. He even plays on his symptoms and uses them to his advantage. Begged my mum to get him off it because he couldnt breathe, but also uses the drowsyness to get out of talking about things. The hospital confirmed he was not distressed at any time here in the hospital and only acted this way to my mother. This is still a big worry because he will soon be under the same roof with the same behaviours and control. Only time will tell...........