I can’t cope

Of course I don't mind you asking questions, @Captain24 . I just didn't want to dominate the conversation when you're so ill. But if it helps distract you, and you want distraction, then that's good. 🙂

Yes, every single item, including a piece of paper, has meaning to it. You have to process the meaning and the history of the item and its significance to you before you can get rid of it. Sometimes you have to take a photo of the item before you can throw it away / donate it or whatever.

---

@Captain24 wrote:

How does hoarding and germaphobia go together? Doesn’t the stuff you hoard get dusty?

---

Thanks for asking this - the hoarding and the germophobia clash horribly. I hate disinfecting things, so items pile up in my house waiting to be disinfected and put away. Therefore the hoard grows.

Once I found my original birth certificate in a box full of scrunched up pieces of paper destined for the trash! Because of things like this, and the meaning attached to items, you can't just throw a whole box out without going through every single item.

I just clean what comes into my house - the things that have already been disinfected are clean from then on. I also have 4 levels of "dirtiness" in my head, and every item, even a small piece of paper, gets sorted into one of those levels in my head. I have to estimate the "germ history" of every item. It's absolutely exhausting.

---

@Captain24 wrote:

Depression is so hard. @NatureLover. I feel like it ruins your life. Especially when there is no trigger so you don’t know where it comes from. With bipolar it just happens for no reason. Everyone asks what has happened to cause it, even my psych. My Pdoc and CM don’t as they know.

---

I think depression is the worst illness of all, as it robs you of all hope 😭 You're right, it ruins your life.

I'm sorry it happens with no reason, with bipolar. 😢

Are you feeling sleepy yet?

Distraction is good! @NatureLover

That sounds so hard. Having to process everything even a bit of paper. No wonder you keep things. I never understood it. I think of my parents as borderline hoarders but now I don’t think they are. They just can’t throw anything out, it doesn’t have any meaning.

I see why you dread inspections and need to start so soon. I really feel for you.

I was wondering whether both conditions clashed. They sound like opposites.

I guess finding your birth certificate makes it even harder and now you have the double, triple check things before you get rid of them?

At least once you have disinfected things it’s done. I had an image of you doing it continually daily.

It sounds exhausting. Do you ever just sit and not be able to do it? Not be able to think about it?

Thank you for your kind understanding, @Captain24 ❤️

I also can't throw things out - it's traumatic. I have to psych myself up for like, a year before I can tackle old boxes.

Yes, I have to check everything from all mental angles - sometimes even processing what the person who gave it to me means to me, etc first, before being able to get rid of the item.

---

@Captain24 wrote:

It sounds exhausting. Do you ever just sit and not be able to do it? Not be able to think about it?

---

Yes, often. The mental processes are exhausting and so is all the disinfecting and cleaning. So often I can't face it, and it piles up. It sounds "lazy" but there's so much more to it.

I also have MDD, GAD, Agoraphobia and Excoriation Disorder lol.

---

@Captain24 wrote:

Distraction is good! @NatureLover

---

I hope so 🙂

Have you set yourself any tasks today? I know you have two big appts, so I hope you can take it easy on yourself today...

I would never think anyone with any MI is lazy @NatureLover. There is so many times when you just can’t!

What is excoriation disorder? Sorry for my ignorance.

I have bipolar 2, anxiety disorder and social anxiety. My best friend also thinks ADHD but I told her I had enough labels! 😜

Im going to do some washing and bath the 2 dogs. I need to clean the kitchen too. That should keep me busy for a little while. Other than that I’ll do some of my diamond art

Excoriation Disorder is when you scratch your skin raw @Captain24 . It's not self-harm, although it can turn into that when severely depressed. I've done it since a baby, as a result of the childhood abuse. It's an addiction now.

Your bipolar sounds very difficult 😢 I can understand you don't want any more labels.

I'm going to start my day now, with laundry and a walk. I'll catch you tomorrow.

I hope you can maybe get some sleep today in there somewhere. Good luck with your appts 🤞

Have a good day @NatureLover

Thanks for the chat.

@Captain24what is diamond art? Art in general is great for taking your mind off things, if you can get into it in the first place. Sending you positive vibes for today.

Hi @Acanthiza

Diamond art is kinda like paint by numbers but with little dots. There is no thinking involved you just put the dots where the number says they go. I have found it quite therapeutic mostly. Sometimes I just can’t do it though.

Thanks to the forums I also build Lego too. At least it’s something else for distraction. It means I can have two things on the go.

Thanks for my vibes. I think I’m going to need them. Especially on very little sleep.

That sounds great @Captain24 , sounds very relaxing. I paint miniatures and once I have figured out what colours go where it is a pretty repetitive task but very calm.

Always nice to be making something, even if they are silly little things.

I have to get ready for work but I might check in sometime during the day, if that is alright?

Diamond art is repetitive to but I do find it helpful. @Acanthiza

I hope you have a good day at work. I’m thinking I might try and get a little bit of sleep before my first appointment.

Have a good day