I can’t cope

@Captain24 thanks hun, I take that as a compliment 😍

Huh, that's really interesting about your sleep cycles. Another reason that my little theory holds up though - makes sense to have a lot of variance in sleep cycles so folks can fill all the niches needed in a tribal group. I was reading somewhere that it was normal in medieval times for people to wake up for a couple hours in the night - four hours sleep, get up, do something around the house, then go back to bed another four hours or so.

I hope you do get off to sleep okay, I'll be around till 10 if you need me, just tag me 💜 Rest well hun!

Hi @Captain24 , you'll be at work now...I hope it's going OK...

The changing shift work must be hard 😢 and juggling the meds as a result too.

You're not a terrible person, it's the depression talking and killing any hope in you 😢

I hope you're OK... 🫂

It was meant as a compliment @Jynx. I like the way you see the world. It shows different ways to view things.

Yeah @NatureLover. I made it to work. It was a long day.

You’re right it has killed any hope I had. There is nothing left.

How are you doing?

Thanks for your reply, @Captain24 ...you'll be at work again now.

I'm sad you have no hope...depression is the worst 😭

I'm struggling, thanks for asking, but am looking at options for getting some more help.

I hope today goes well for you and you are coping OK... 🤞

Hi @Captain24

Hoping today goes ok for you hon 💜💜

I did something really stupid today.

Im at the stage where I just cannot mask anymore. There is absolutely no hiding it, no faking it, no pretending, nothing.

A girl at work asked me if I was ok.. I just mumbled the ‘I’m fine’ phrase. She said to me ‘just one of those days you don’t want to be here?’ My response…‘I don’t want to be alive’

Now they are worried about me too

@Captain24 maybe that's not such a bad thing. You don't owe anyone a perfect image of yourself. You may feel a sense of shame, but I bet that she doesn't think any less of you. Their concern about you is more telling than anything, it means they care.

I'm sorry that things are so much right now. Sending you some very big hugs.

I feel shame and embarrassment @Jynx.

Everything is all too much.

Don’t waste time on me.

Im not worth it.

Im not worth anything.

Also. I’m not getting any notifications or emails.

Not that it matters.

@Captain24 yeah it's a known issue, happening to multiple members. I've notified our IT crew to look into it.

Time spent on you is not time wasted. I wouldn't abandon you when you're struggling, it's not in my nature.

I can understand feeling ashamed and embarrassed, but the only person judging you that harshly is yourself. I'm sorry that it all feels too much, I wish I could make it better, ease your burden, maybe even shake you a little and yell "You are wanted! You are valued! You are worthwhile to this world!" But in like, a nice way not a violent way, just in case that wasn't clear 😅

Is there one small, kind thing you can do for yourself tonight? Like a hot choccie or a nice hot shower?