I can’t cope

@Captain24 not looking for big changes hun, just small prompts to try to help you shake off the heavier sense of sadness. But if you don't wanna, that's alllll gravy. I can also happily offer some distractions or just listen if there's anything you need to get off your chest 💜

I really need to get so much of my chest but it’s not appropriate @Jynx.

What did you get up to today?

I'm a night owl so my day has only just begun @Captain24! Woke up, had brekky, logged on to forums haha.

Would it help to write it all out anyway, even if no one sees it?

I got the pen to paper but just angrily scribbled. @Jynx. I can’t keep doing this.

OMG what did you go the bed?

@Captain24 angry scribbles is still expression! I'm glad you gave it a go.

Uhh, about 4am? Which is normal for me. Folks who work 9-5 go to bed around 10-11pm, wake up around 7-8am; I work till 10pm go to bed around 3-4am and wake up ready for work! Suits me just fine, I find my brain is most active/creative around 2am.

That makes sense @Jynx. I get home from work at 8 and am in bed by between 9 and 10. But my alarm goes off at 4:30. That works day and night shifts.

Are any of your friends night owls or is it just you?

@Captain24 maybe not as late as me, but mostly my friends are chill with being up late. Just depends on their work schedules too. Work really does dictate so much of our lives hey.

How do you manage with both day and night shifts? Doesn't that mean your sleep schedule is all over the place?

Work does @Jynx. At least you have friends of different hours. When you’re not working do you keep similar hours?

I have a strict routine that I follow while working. Especially switching from days to nights. Then back to a normal sleep routine. Apparently it’s not helping my MH doing shift work but I just can’t change it. I also have to juggle my morning and night meds.

I haven't had to do it for a couple of weeks as the last block I didn’t go to work for the night shifts. I was to mentally and physically exhausted after being taken to hospital.

@Captain24 yeah pretty much, something about the quiet hours in the middle of the night really appeals to me. I also have this theory that it makes sense for there to be morning folks and night owls amongst us humans. When we evolved, it would make sense for there to be folks awake at all times of the day - to keep watch, to hunt nocturnal animals, etc. - so I try not to deny what feels most natural for me. That's why I'm always on evening shifts on the forums 😉

Honestly hun, having an irregular sleep schedule could be contributing to your current state of mind more than you realise. I once had a job that was an overnight shift (11pm-7am) but only for two nights a week. So for those two nights I was awake, but had uni and other stuff on during the week, so I was trying to change my sleep schedule every couple of days. It absolutely WRECKED me. It made everything else in my life so much harder. It's kinda bonkers just how much our sleep schedule impacts our mental state. I know you say you can't change it, but it still might be worth looking into finding ways you could change your circumstances so that you can get your sleep schedule back on track.

Over past couple weeks have you been able to get a more regular pattern down?

You really see things so differently @Jynx.

I’ve been doing this job for 6 years now so I kind of getting good at the sleeping thing. I’ve had moments in the last 6 years where my MH has been great and the shift work didn’t affect it.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been having trouble falling asleep. I’ll still be tossing and turning at 3 in the morning. When I finally nod off I sleep until late.

Throughout most of my battles my sleep hasn’t really been affected, except for this time. I feel that this time is longer and worse than previous times. It’s getting to the point that I have lost complete control of my wellbeing.

I’ve taken some extra meds to try and knock me out so I can get some sleep before 4:30 in the morning.

If I don’t respond it’s because they have worked.