I can’t cope

I went for the walk and it was really cold and windy. But I did do it. @Jynx @MissGremlin

Ive just broken. I’m in a mountain of tears. I’m a mess. I’m really sorry.

Im safe but I can’t cope. I’m really trying but I don’t know how to get through

Yeah I will. It’s just around the corner. If there is a decent sunset I should see it from there.

@Captain24 I'm really glad you went for the walk, I'm so proud of you.

It's ok to let those tears flow sweet, you've been holding alot for a while now. You're not broken though, just going through a really hard time at the moment.

Can you try to remember that you've gotten through so many hard times before, you weren't defeated then and you most certainly won't be defeated now. We're all here with and for you sweetheart, you're not alone ❤️.

Seeing the sunset will be lovely, I hope it puts on a beautiful show for you.

I think I need to take a little time off here for now. I don’t want anyone called on me and it’s getting to that stage. I’m safe at the moment. I’ll watch the sunset and hopefully it’s a nice one. I don’t know if I’m strong enough @MissGremlin

Please take care

@Captain24 it's ok if you need to take time for yourself. Please take gentle care of yourself sweetheart, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Proud of you @Captain24 glad the sunset was nice ^_^

I’ve just climbed into bed. I’m fed and showered, dogs are fed. @Jynx @MissGremlin

I went to the little park while I waited for the dogs to be dropped off. I went early as I had set everything up to what I wanted. I just broke down and jumped in the car. I fell to

pieces. I ate my dinner in the car while I was there. I thought about reaching out again but I wasn’t sure if there was enough time to fully debrief so I just sat and doom scrolled. It wasn’t helpful. At least I was in a safe place. A little park in the middle of nowhere and in my car. I couldn’t do much.

I did watch the sunset but it was pretty lame. Couldn’t even get anything out of that. I came back had a shower and rang mum about her eyes that need doing. No answers yet. I need to know as that effects hospital too. Also I’ll need time off work.

Anyway. I’m in bed now. Not sure how safe I am but I am hoping to get some sleep and function as a normal person tomorrow. Not one that’s about to shatter into a million pieces.

Thanks for tonight. Sorry I have let you down. I’m just a failure but at this stage I actually haven’t hurt myself so I guess that’s a positive.

Good night

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@Captain24 I'm glad that you've eaten, showered, that the dogs are fed and that you're in bed. You've honestly done so well to get those things done and to go to the park to watch the sunset. I'm sorry that you didn't get anything out of it but the fact that you've tried is fantastic.

I really hope that you're able to organise the time off work so that you can do a hospital stay, it sounds like it would be helpful with how things are at the moment.

You haven't let anyone down sweet, you've done alot to help yourself and you've kept yourself safe. I know it's so hard but try to take things one moment at a time and I hope that you're able to get some sleep tonight.

Night night sweetheart, sending love and hugs ❤️.

Not really @MissGremlin. I nearly did it hence leaving quickly and suddenly. I’m laying here with it doing laps in my head. I’ve got to go to sleep though.

I will leave you alone tomorrow. You will be free if me. Thanks for being there and I’m sorry I have put so much pressure on you. You don’t deserve it, you have enough with everything you have going on.

@Captain24 but you didn't, that's something to be proud of.

You have nothing to apologise for sweetheart and I'm more than happy that I'm able to be here for you. It's not putting pressure on me, it's sharing our struggles and that's what we're here for. Try to get some rest sweetheart, snuggle up to Pix and Jett and I hope you can drift off to sleep soon ❤️

Hi @Captain24,

I’m sorry I’m only getting back to you now. It sounds like your appointment was incredibly emotional and exhausting, but I’m really glad you were able to be honest with your psychologist about everything you’ve been experiencing. I imagine that wasn’t easy, especially when you’ve been carrying so much on your own

You haven’t done anything wrong by breaking down or needing help, and you don’t need to apologise for struggling. I’m glad your psychologist is taking your safety seriously and working with you to explore what support might help. You deserve to be supported through this, even if the people around you don’t fully understand what you’re going through

Please try not to put too much pressure on yourself about everything you feel you need to get done. Your wellbeing matters too, and it’s okay to let some things wait

How are you this evening? 💛