I can’t cope

@Captain24 I don't see failure in what you've shared. Choosing to listen to your needs and having a nothing day sounds like you are choosing self-care and rest! I'm glad you are trying not to push yourself and reminding yourself that your world is not going to end if you don't get absolutely everything done. I think you can be proud of yourself :)

Hope your nothing day is restful and nourishing!

So I reached out to a crisis service. Again! This is becoming a habit. I told them that I was laying in bed and what I was planning. I told them my distress was a 9 and that I was having anxiety attacks constantly. She suggested a few things but things I have tried to no avail and just went back to bed. She suggested a brisk walk with loud music so I’m trying to talk myself into that.

My distress didn’t change and the plan is still there.

Sorry this is not recovery-focused, but it’s hard to see through.

@Jynx @Ru-bee 

That’s sounds like a little bit of good news. Hopefully where this one is coming from it may actually be possible @MissGremlin 

@Captain24 the way they were talking though is that this service may not even take me on and then I don't know what happens from there.

I'm sorry that those thoughts are so persistent, I know the feeling well. As for the planning side of things I understand that aswell, it's been the same for me the last few nights but so far I've managed to avoid acting on anything (I'm safe). Having to do things cos I don't have a choice (housework, chores, dinner etc) acts as a way of keeping me safe, it's only when I stop that I struggle but then I try to do my diamond art, watch my TV show and stay connected here.

@Captain24 definitely a good habit to build - good on you for taking that step!

Sometimes we try things to help with self-soothing and they don't feel like they work. But it doesn't mean they haven't helped. It may keep us even where we would have spiralled further otherwise. Or they might help us pass the time safely, getting us closer to other things that can help us keep safe.

I hope you're able to get yourself out on that walk - it might be good to step away for a little bit and you can focus on mindfulness of your surroundings rather than falling into rumination. And please keep reaching out to crisis services as needed - it can be helpful in many ways, including being another way to pass some time and keep yourself stable.

That’s a bugger @MissGremlin I guess it’s just a see what happens and what maybe helps others. Maybe if some things settle down it’ll make it slightly easier on you. Less overwhelm to deal with. I think I’m making sense.

I didn’t tag you as I was looking out for you.

The planning is there. Just have to get through the next couple of hours.

@Captain24 just have to see if they pick up the referral i guess.

It's ok sweet, i don't mind if you tag me. I'll always reply if I can.

Is that getting through the next couple of hours so you can go to bed or for when the plan is for? I'm just worried for your safety sweet and I know it's hard to reach out but could you maybe contact your friend to talk things through if you don't want to try a crisis service again?

Sorry.. until bed @MissGremlin The problem is is that I have slept all day am I actually going to sleep tonight.

I’m safe right now. I don’t have anyone to talk to. My friend from hospital asked if I was coping and I sent no. She sent me back a sad face, and I haven’t heard from her.

It’s just me and here. I do have to leave the house at about 6:30 though so I’m not here when mum drops the dogs in. I’ll come back about 7:50. Then dinner , dogs and bed. That’s an hour less.

@Captain24 for some reason i can't post my reply to you.

@Captain24 ok, I'm glad it's until bed. Maybe getting out for that walk would help to get some energy out so that when bedtime comes hopefully you'll be a bit more tired.

I understand about going out for when the dogs are dropped back. Will you go and sit at a park again like you did this morning?