I can’t cope

It’s really tough @Mindee

In having an anxiety attack. I’ve just called and cancelled my shift. I can’t afford to but I can’t go like this and I don’t know that I can stay awake. They are massive trucks to fall asleep in.

My hands and feet are numb. I’m shaking. I’m swearing. My heart is racing. My head is racing. I feel like I’m going to pass out. It’s just all too much.

I have my cpap machine and using that to calm my breathing. I’m feeling one dog laying against my legs and listening to the other one snoring on the floor.

Im going to turn all the lights off and try and go back to sleep for a little while if I can.

Im safe but worried that could change during the day. I need to just watch out for myself as the day goes by.

Great call @Captain24

you have your dogs and your strategies, and if sleep will help allow the time you need to ease the anxiety then that is a great way to get some rest.

Please give yourself some time and be kind to you :)

Mindee

I'm sorry that things are feeling so tough this morning @Captain24 sweet and that you've had to cancel your shift for work. I know you can't afford to but I'm glad you've made that decision with how you're feeling, i know how hard anxiety/panic attacks are.

I hope that things settle for you during the day. Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I’ve just left the house so that I miss mum and dad feeding the dogs. I’ll go back in about an hour and a half to make sure they have gone. My anxiety has calmed down and I’m a little less distressed at the moment. I think it was the right decision. I also have nothing to do today other than change my sheets, clean the ensuite and main bathroom and clean down the kitchen benches. The sheets are the most important, if the other stuff doesn’t get done then it doesn’t matter.

I have a pattern forming at work with taking the first day off. I will get questioned soon. But my boss can see my mental health isn’t in a great place. I need to stop putting so much pressure on my last day off. Maybe that will reduce the stress of the first day. Doe everything the day before and just leave food prep to be done.

Im sitting at a little park listening to the birds. I can’t actually see most of them as the tress are too dense. I can’t actually see the magpie watching me though!

@Mindee 

I hope you slept ok @MissGremlin

@Captain24 I'm glad the anxiety has calmed downcand that you're a little less distressed sweet. It really sounds like taking the day off was the right decision. It's good that you don't have much to do today, hopefully you can get some rest.

Not putting so much pressure on yourself the day before might help lessen the stress leading up to work, especially if you've just got food prep to do.

Sitting at the park and listening to the birds sounds lovely.

I'm not going to burden you with how I am today.

The cockatoos are the loudest. I can’t hear the galahs over them. There was too many flies so I’ve sat in the car, put the seat back and looking out the sun roof to the tree above. @MissGremlin

Yiu are not a burden. I most certainly can listen to you. Not sure how much I can respond but I will do my best. Having some one listen helps.

@Captain24 cockatoos are so loud! Laying back and looking out the sun roof sounds so relaxing.

Thankyou sweet. I'm just so anxious about them coming today, the fact that I don't know what they want to talk about other than doing a referral to a service (which will hopefully be able to help).I slept ok last night but woke up with blurry spots in my vision and the panic has been full on while doing my morning routine (I'm safe).

I didn’t know that they would have a service referral. That could be a good thing. I’m guessing you aren’t the only one in your lifestyle that has struggles. I hope that helps. Just be very careful how you answer the questions. Enough for a referral but not to much for the other option that you don’t want. I hope that makes sense without saying too much.

Im glad you slept ok. Sorry about the panic though. You need to try and calm down. When are they coming or you don’t know and they just show up?

Hey @Jynx

I failed. I’m at home. I was having another anxiety attack about going and I was scared and I wasn’t safe. I’m scared to go back but I will tomorrow. I’m having a nothing day. I’m currently sitting in my car with the seat laid back watching a gum tree and the cockatoos out of the sun roof. I’m going home to change my sheets and get back into bed and get out when I’m good and ready. I don’t k is what I’ll do after that. I have a little bit of cleaning, if I do it good but if I don’t my worlds not going to end.

I’ve decided I need to do things differently and not push myself in the last day. Get everything other than food prep done the day before. So that I’m not so stressed and out of control on my last day and it might make it easier to get to work.

@Captain24 I was hoping that I could have my friend here but she never replied to me. I struggle to remember things so it's hard to recall after the meeting and I won't write things down in front of people. My anxiety has really kicked in, my heart is pounding, my breathing is fast and shaky and my body is shaking. I'm trying to calm myself, Casper is laying his head in my lap and I'm stroking his ears.

They will be here at 9.30. I have to put Casper in my room when they're here so it's hard not having him by my side aswell.