I can’t cope

@Captain24 I know crying can feel really scary, exhausting, and overwhelming, but honestly I'm glad you are releasing your emotions in this way. I can hear how difficult everything feels right now, and yet I can see you are still doing what you can to self-soothe and try to keep yourself safe.

It may not feel like it, but you are coping, and you can get through this.

Hey @Jynx

Im about to go and have a shower and go to bed. I have pretty much calmed my breathing down. I’m still shaking and really scattered. The words are swirling as much. I still feel feint though.

I finally managed to get dinner, this dishes and lunches done. It should have taken me an hour not all night. I shouldn’t have had that attack that still hasn’t settled. I’m also stressing about waking up tomorrow. It scares me to no end. I’m safe.

Im going to bed with a distress level of a 7. I have worked really hard to get it down. It’s still a lot and affecting my chest greatly. My body physically hurts and I have a pounding headache from crying. My psych said the same thing about crying she said she was glad that I just let go. I was actually sobbing on her. I don’t do that very often. I keep controlled.

Thank you for supporting me through this and you too @Ru-bee i appreciate both of you.

This is what a managed in the ends. I have t cleaned the benches of stove top though. They really need a clean especially the stove top.

Before @MissGremlin

After

The stuff on the end of the bench will go when mum picks up the dogs except for my meds.

@Captain24 you did absolutely amazing getting the kitchen clean sweet, well done. I know it really wasn't easy with how you're feeling but I'm so proud of you for getting it done. Also I love your kitchen 😍.

I'm sorry that i haven't been here for you much today, I'm running on empty and struggling to keep myself afloat. I've still been reading along though and know that I'm thinking of you. I hope you can get some sleep tonight sweetheart, sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

It’s pretty cool kitchen! I love it. It’s hard to pick colours from a little sample. You just have to hope it comes together in the end! @MissGremlin

Its all good. I 100% get the no capacity. I do t have it either. I do care and I’m thinking of you but I’m struggling to keep myself a float. I’m actually failing at that.

I just did the same thing again before going to bed and I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning.

Please look after yourself tonight and be gentle. Hopefully tomorrow isn’t quite so hard. Even though you have ‘that’ appointment. I think I know what it is. I’m praying it goes well for you.

@Captain24 it is, you did well picking the colours 😊.

I know it feels like failing, I feel it too. But the reality is that we're both still here, both still fighting through even when it feels impossible. The fact that we've managed to do anything at all with how things have been is a huge achievement in itself even if it's hard to see ourselves.

I'm hoping that things will get easier with your sleep soon sweet, so that you don't have to keep doing the same thing but I do understand completely.

Thankyou sweet, you do the same. I'm hoping it goes ok, you'll know if it doesn't cos that's about the only time things would come out here about my situation. Night night sweetheart ❤️.

You did an amazing job @Captain24 - I know tomorrow will be tough but you can get through it, I know you can!

Going from a 9 to a 7 is a huge achievement, well done. I hope you get some rest tonight and that tomorrow goes as smoothly as it can. You got this!

<3

Good evening @Captain24 💛

I just read your messages from earlier. This must have been so much for your body and mind to go through... but I am so happy you were honest with your psychologist and that she has shown genuine concern and care for you.

It sounds like extra support will be really helpful right now.

I can hear how tough it would be to open up when mum and dad aren't able to acknowledge what's going on for you... I wonder who else you could turn to right now? Is your friend from hospital someone you could contact this week?

In any case, know that we are all here for you and we will support you through whatever phase of your healing journey you're in - there is no 'right or wrong', 'good or bad', there is just whatever you're needing right now to feel safe. 🥰

It’s 3 in the morning and I’m awake. My alarm goes off shortly for me to go to work. My anxiety about going to work is sky high. I feel another anxiety attack coming on but I’m trying to breathe my way through it. My hands are tingling and so are my feet. I have my cpap machine on so it’s helping regulate my breathing.

My distress levels are still so high. I’m hoping I nod back off the sleep. If I didn’t think I would I would reach out for help but I just don’t have the time. It’s hard.. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place e I need help but I need work. Work is more important though.

Sorry.. I’m really badly distressed but safe I just needed to get it out in the hopes that the anxiety attack lessens before it gets as bad as earlier tonight. Hoping that my distress drops a little.

I’m going to be late. I don’t want to get up. I’m freaking out. My anxiety is sky high. My heart rate is through the roof. I’m scared. I don’t want to go. My distress is rising rapidly. I wish they were more understanding. Instead of just saying that they are.

hi @Captain24

it sounds like a really tough morning, I am hoping you can spend some time focussing on something soothing to slow your heart rate, think about a grounding excercise - 5 things you see, 4things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Maybe make a nice cuppa and breathe it in and out slowly savouring it. The aim is to ease into the day, think of one person who might be able to support you.

Please be kind to yourself and reach out if you need further support

Mindee