I can’t cope

I feel really bad that all I am doing is whinging about how bad I feel @Cuddlebear. but if I don’t get it out somewhere I will end up progressing. It’s been a while since the world was this low and this dark.

I really wish you didn’t know how it felt. No one should know.

The storm was only brief and wasn’t much but 15 minutes away it ripped the wall of a Facebook friends house! We didn’t get that wind. No lightning either. Pretty boring. We get some great storms out at work and the lightning is amazing. There was one night where a guy and I were standing outside the crib room watching it and flowed it around. It was amazing. I did have a boot land in front of me in my truck though. Everything just went an instant bright white and then it took my eyes a little while to settle. It was a nightshift.

I just feel intimidated and scared. If it’s not perfect enough I get in trouble. Then I get angry and get myself in more trouble. Not really supportive but more dismissive.

At least my bed is my safe space @MissGremlin Jett must be cold as he has just gotten under the covers.

Nah I haven’t had anything at all and very little to drink. Not even a whole can of drink.

Do you have the roast beef with veggies?

@Captain24 awww snuggle buddy Jett ❤️.

I hope that you're able to at least manage a little something to eat sweet and I'm glad you've had a little to drink.

No, just roast beef. I really didn't actually feel like it this time around. My appetite hasn't been great, I've mainly been having a snack bag of popcorn occasionally.

I need to eat something to take my meds @MissGremlin Ill figure something maybe just weetbix but that involves the kettle.

I’m waiting until I can afford it to have roast beef but I do baked veggies with it. So you just slice it and eat it?

@Captain24 I can understand about using the kettle, can you maybe redirect your focus on not wanting to have anything visible when you go back to work especially now with the warmer weather it's harder to hide things.

I do roast veggies aswell but don't do the 2 together, I either have one or the other. I can only use the meat the day after I've cooked it and won't freeze it either.

I’m going to the dermatologist with sunburnt peeling skin so I’m guessing anymore skin damage is a bit much @MissGremlin Plus I have a spot on my lip that she Amy want to remove. That’ll be painful.

I eat it for about 4 days. I definitely don’t freeze it.

@Captain24 You're not whinging. You are expressing your feelings and situation. It’s so important to have a safe space with understanding people to do that. It is a very recovery focused way. We understand and it is not a whinge. It is a very painful and difficult part of mental illness and holding it in is not healthy and hurts more. Wow the thunderstorm you saw at work sounded stunning. We’ve had rain here today but no storm. Just typical Melbourne cold weather after last week being hot all week. My psychiatrist has me on a product called Ensure Plus because of lack of appetite. Moderator please note this is not medicine. It is a drink containing all the vitamins, minerals, protein etc you need in a proper meal. It’s medical grade. People who are tube fed or who can’t eat after surgery etc use it too. I buy it online cause it’s cheaper than buying in a chemist. Chocolate is the best flavour in my opinion lol.

If you can muster just something small to eat tonight something very easy it would be good. Even sip a little water at a time. I know that can be hard like climbing a mountain. Just if you can.

@Captain24 ok so maybe use the dermatologist as a reason to not add anymore damage. We just need to keep finding reasons and work on shifting those urges. I know it's not easy but I also know you can do it, you're incredibly strong and I've seen how far you've come since I've known you.

I have huge anxiety around food, especially being reheated. There's very few foods that I can actually have the second day, think there's actually only 3-4.

@Cuddlebear oh I so want to get Wilbur's belly 😂.

Hey @Cuddlebear

I feel like I’m acting like the only one that has ever felt this way. I know you all understand though. It’s tough to be here especially when I’ve seen the other side.

I’m on the weight loss injections so it’s decreased my appetite and forget to drink as I’m not hungry or thirsty. I need to find some money and see my dietitian. I’ve heard that that ensure stuff is horrible!

I did have weetbix. I have to eat to take my meds.

Do you have anything on?