I can’t cope

Hi @Captain24 I'm sorry that reaching out to the crisis service left you feeling dismissed, especially when it took so much courage to reach out in the first place. You deserved to feel heard and supported. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of stress after yesterday and being so exhausted while your body feels tense and uncomfortable must be really hard. I hope getting some of this out here helps you feel a little less alone with it. You don't have to tackle everything all at once, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. I'm glad you've shared how you're feeling with us 💛

@Captain24 Hello lovely I can see it’s been a difficult morning today. I’m sorry that the service you reached out to were not good. I’ve had same experiences. Depression is very hard and everything you describe is relatable even if you don’t know why. I hope you are able to do the things you have on your list today.

Im a wreck. Having really hard time with my thoughts and physical symptoms. The complex PTSD and depression are really causing me to freeze and be unable to do anything other than feel rotten and try to fight second by second to get through. I totally can understand how you feel. You are however not a burden here at all.

Mum rang me at 11:15 and said we were suppose to be at a meeting. So I threw some clothes on went to her house and picked her up and then to the meeting. It started at 11! So then I had to play all happy and joyful. While they carried on with shit I don’t really care about. But smile and be happy.

When I got to the club there was a man there that I haven’t seen in ages and he asked about my best friend and had she reconciled with her family. I told him that I don’t think that they ever will. That made me feel bad as I have t really spoken to her in a couple of weeks. I’m not ready to go to her house yet as she smokes and I don’t think I could resist.

Im home now and feel really really drained. While it wasn’t much it feels like a lot. It feels like it has been a whole day not an hour.

I am so really down. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen but I’ve hit the bipolar depression. I have a long rocky road ahead of me. More days like yesterday. I don’t think I have the strength to make it through again.

Thank you @Nala2022 for your support yesterday. You went above and beyond to help me through. Between you and @MissGremlin you both helped me not go through with it. Without you both I would have done it easily. Please know how much I appreciate it.

@Captain24 I can hear how much that meeting took out of you sweet and it's understandable given how things have been feeling for you.

I'm sorry that things are feeling so heavy right now, just know that we're right here alongside you, you don't have to manage alone.

It's ok if you can't do anything today other than allow yourself to rest, those rest days are needed sometimes. I know it feels like you don't have the strength to make it through, but look how far you've come. You've seen the other side, the side where things can be ok, where you can feel joy and happiness. Those days can and will happen again, we just need to find our way through the darkness, over the rocky road to get back to them.

I'm sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart, I'm here with you every step of the way ❤️.

@Captain24 I'm really glad you made it home and let us know how you're feeling. It sounds like you've had to push through so much today when you were already exhausted and having to put on a happy face when you're struggling inside can take a lot out of you

I'm really glad you reached out and let MissGremlin and I support you, and I'm so sorry things feel so heavy again today. You deserve support through these moments, and you don't have to face the rest of today all at once. We're here for you and you're so valued in the forums community.

I'm also concerned about what you've shared about not having the strength to keep going and feeling like being alive is too much. Are you safe right now? I'll also send you an email so we can check in more directly 💛

Hey @Captain24 it’s really great to hear you have a good psych and find her really helpful. They are worth their weight in gold 😊.

Yes the TFs are funny creatures, sit looking like part of the tree ☺️

Hope the derm appt goes well and sounds like the appt with your psych has come at good time for you. I don’t have much on actually. Also have an appt this week and a mates birthday dinner later in the week. Take care, give the dogos a pat for me 🐶

Hey @Cuddlebear

Its not good. I had to go to a meeting that we were late for as we forgot. So I had to pretend to be all sunshine and roses. It was too hard. I dropped mum back home and came home and haven’t been able to do anything since. I’ve gone into bipolar depression now. My psych won’t be surprised. So it’s just another layer to add. I have lost any energy I had. I’m just laying in bed and even th doona feels heavy on me.

I’m sorry you are going through that. It’s so hard just to have to fight each second. It’s draining and exhausting. I’m going to do my best to start Tuesday differently and see if that helps. Maybe a different way to do things. Is there something you can shift up a little to change your routine and see if that helps at all?

I’m sorry @Nala2022

I forgot to add the I’m safe.

Its hard and it feels like hell. I think what makes it worse is that I was in my window for so long and now I’ve fallen out of it really badly and I’m scared I’ve lost it forever. I know what it feels like to be in the window and just want it back so bad.

Im in bed and thinking I might have a nap. Maybe bath the dogs later. I keep thinking to far into the future instead of the just now and it is overwhelming me too much. I think that’s the anxiety of everything being perfect even though the more I expect the actual harder it is.

@Captain24 Thank you for letting us know that you're safe. I can hear how frightening it is to feel like you've fallen so far outside your window of tolerance after being there for so long. I imagine you really miss that sense of stability, but this difficult period doesn't mean you've lost it forever.

I think it's helpful that you've noticed how thinking too far ahead is becoming overwhelming. You don't have to figure out the future today. It's okay to rest and focus on just the next little while, without putting pressure on yourself to do everything perfectly. The dogs can wait until you feel up to it.

I'm glad you've let us know how you're feeling. Please be gentle with yourself today 💛

@Captain24 The masking and energy it takes is terrible. I’m glad you are back home where you can be with fur babies and not have to mask. I know it feels like this will last forever however I know for you it won’t. You will feel the joy and energy again. It is not a hopeless situation. It might feel like it but it isn’t. The heaviness inside and that of the doona can blend together. Having fur babies nearby to feel their warmth and love can help. Does it bring some help for you? You don’t have to push yoursekf to do anything. Getting through the day is a big task in itself.

There’s no routine for me. I’m disabled and rely on paid care to do anything. For me changing things around looks like sitting in a different spot. Having physical disabilities on top of this makes it real hard. For me to go anywhere I have to pay people. NDIS doesn’t provide enough funding for me to have an ordinary life. I’m sorry I sound so dismal.