I can’t cope

The bath was good. I did think a little too much but kept trying to bring my focus back to the rain sounds @MissGremlin It was 30 minutes that I didn’t have to fight myself. I’ve taken everything and I’m laying in bed. I feel really weak and can barely lift a muscle.

The distress is t as bad. It’s gone from a 9 to about a 6. Maybe it’s because I’m too tired to act on it.

I did think that I would make it back to baseline but it feels like it is falling into a hole that I can’t see.

Thanks for supporting me today. I know it wasn’t easy and that I put a lot of pressure on you and I really appreciate but I’m deeply sorry. Feel free to take a break from me if you need to, I totally 100% get it and will not judge.

@Captain24 I am sorry you were in a padded room on your own while a security guard sat looking through the glass. I imagine that was extremely traumatic. It’s a complete breach of your human rights. I truly am horrified this is what emergency mental health thinks is OK to do to a human. In fact, all the scientific evidence tells us this is the complete opposite to what someone who is feeling urges to send harm needs. I can understand why you don’t want to go to emergency after that experience. Im glad you had a gentle bath. You sound so very tired which I can understand because the energy required not to act on the thoughts takes everything out of you. I want you to be safe and be able to get some sleep. Is there anything that helps you get sleep when you feel like this? Do not worry about me it’s your turn to be cared and looked after and held.

@Captain24 I'm glad that the bath was good sweet and you did well to bring your focus back even when you started thinking too much. I'm glad you're in bed and I really hope that you can get a good night's sleep.

That's good that your distress level has gone down, being too tired is still a way of being able to stay safe.

You'll get that baseline back, it's just going to take time but you've got us here and your professional supports aswell.

You're so welcome sweet, I'm glad I could be here for you. You have nothing to apologise for, I've said I'll always be here for you when I can and that's exactly what I'll do. Night night sweetheart, sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Thanks @Cuddlebear

Im usually a good sleeper but lately I’ve been waking up several times during the night. I’m really tired now but not sure I’ll sleep. I usually just put on my thunderstorms and lay with my babies. Just Pix has to lay where I want to and is to stubborn to move! 😂 Jett just lets me move and then finds what’s comfortable for home as long as he is touching me.

I don’t usually have trouble falling asleep so I hope tonight is the same.

Today has taken a lot out of me.

It was really horrible. Then they finally got a mental health nurse on Telehealth. Then the nurse stood there and I told her I wanted some privacy and to leave and shut the door! I told the nurse what she wanted to hear and she let me go. This is 3 am. The Ed nurses let me out of the hospital and that was it. I was taken in by ambulance so I had no transport. I had to call a taxi and wait out the front for it.

Thanks so much @MissGremlin

Im going to try and sleep but while I’m tired I’m also distressed at the same time. It’s like one part wants to sleep but the other part won’t switch off. It’s exhausting and confusing. My head is just chaos.

Hopefully we both sleep well. If I struggle then I’m just going to get up and take more meds and see if that helps. Safely of course.

Thanks for being here. Hopefully tomorrow is a little brighter.

@Captain24 Im glad you are in bed with fur babies. Not being able to get good sleep really does take a big toll and I’m hoping tonight with the thinderstorm sounds that you can drift off to sleep. I too like thunderstorm and rain sounds and use them to fall asleep. It honestly is disgusting the way you were treated in ED and then just discharged at 3am to somehow find a taxi and a way home. I can understand just telling the mental health nurse what they wanted to hear. The way you were treated was inhumane and I can’t even imagine what the ward would have been like. They failed badly in their duty of care. I have a Labrador you likes to be close to me and take up the whole queen size bed. Then 2 cats who somehow find a spot on my legs. I’m literally in a corner while the fur babies are nicely comfy lol!

It’s not a ward. It’s only a small hospital so it was just a small room in ED. If there was anyone else they would have been in that room with me. @Cuddlebear

Id there is a thunder storm I open my blinds so I can see the lightning and listen to the rain and thunder. When I was with my ex and live on the coast any time at night that there was a thunderstorm we would jump in the car and go down to the beach and watch it.

I get the not much room! Mine a just 2 chihuahuas but seem to be able to take up a lot of space! Pix is the worst as she lays where she wants to but she usually ends up getting to bit and climbs down her stairs to get to the pillows on the floor.

Im going to try and get some sleep. I’m exhausted and tired but not sleepy so I’ll just have to see what happens.

Thank you for popping in and being a great support. I really appreciate it. I really hope you have a good night.

@Captain24 I can understand that so well and it makes it hard to get sleep. That chaos can be so hard to sit with.

I'm hoping that you don't need to take more meds, but I know what it's like when you're desperate for sleep as it's been the same for me recently.

No worries at all sweetheart, fingers crossed tomorrow is a better day ❤️.

@Captain24 You get yourself a very good rest. I love thunderstorms too :) I will check in again tomorrow. Remember I’m just a tag away and I truly do care about you.

How’s your evening been @Captain24 not on for much longer but thought I’d drop in as saw you post/tag. Tv with the dogs is the best I am also loving my squishy! Do you like squishies? I know @MissGremlin does ☺️, how about you @Cuddlebear ?

im off soon hope you all have a good night 💜