I can’t cope

Hey @Jynx

Im home and just finished unpacking everything. This morning totally didn’t go to plan. It was raining so mum didn’t walk Keiko and we were getting ready packing and cleaning. We were going to finish early. I couldn’t take the dogs to the beach either due to the rain.

Dad packed his car and drove out of the garage so I couldn’t take reverse mine in to pack it instead of trying to play tetras in the rain. I got it all in and everything was great. I started my car to get it out of way.. nope.. wouldn’t start! I tried and tried and all these error faults kept coming up. Dad rand NRMA to see if they could help. The only way was for me to become a member. $390 later. Then because I had the call out before I was a member it was another $260 dollars. The service guy came and it needed a new battery another $295. I only had money in Pixies vet account. Now there is nothing.

I just couldn’t catch a break this week. I did do a lot of good things. I really enjoyed taking the dogs to the beach and letting Keiko just run even though I had to keep up.

I didn’t have the ability to clean before I left on holidays and now I’m hating a little on myself as I haven’t come home to a spotless house. But I guess I just work on it.

How are you going? Anything exciting? How’s the kitties?

@MissGremlin 

@Captain24 I'm sorry things didn't go to plan today sweet but I'm glad that you're home and that you've finished unpacking.

Try to be gentle on yourself, you did the best you could with the cleaning before you left ❤️.

@MissGremlin did you 'fail' or did you cope, and survive? I can understand the frustration of perhaps using unhealthy ways of coping, but I hope you can find ways of forgiving yourself. 'If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now', no?

I'm sorry that you have unexpected company, that sounds frustrating. I hope you get some time to yourself soon to recuperate.

@Captain24 oh that is such a huge frustration! Sucks you still had to pay so much even after becoming a member, and had to dip into Pix's care fund.

It can be annoying coming home to a messy house, but perhaps you could have a bit of grace for your past self who was having such a rough time before you left? You did what you could, I'm sure.

I'm going okay, just surviving the heat however I can. Kitties are the same haha they're sprawled out like puddles!

@Jynx it's the fact that it was originally a way of being able to sleep but it's gone more into the territory of being attempts 😞. I don't feel guilty for doing it cos ultimately I know what i want and it's what I feel needs to happen. The frustration and anger is more that it's not helping or doing what i wanted it to. Trying to stay within guidelines here so please let me know if it's not. I'm safe at the moment, the visit is over and done with and I'm sitting here covering books with Casper by my side.

@MissGremlin just letting you know I've sent you an email. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this anger and frustration, and that things feel so immensely difficult for you at the moment. I'm glad you do have your space back and can focus on soothing your nervous system. Please give Casper some scritches from me :)

@Jynx I've just replied to the email. Thankyou sweet, I'll be sure to give Casper extra scritches from you ❤️

Hey @Jynx

I didn’t give myself any grace bug I do understand how hard it was before. The break has helped a bit. Being out so much in nature. The only mindfulness that I got was 2 afternoons laying in the sun listening to the waves since I could t get in but I was only there for half an hour as I didn’t have sun team and was getting burnt. I’m pretty red and I have a dermatologist appointment on Monday! Oops

So I'm a little proud of myself and that’s hard to say. I have done all the washing that I had so the only thing is the pyjamas I have on that isn’t washed or clean. I ironed all the clothes I left before I went on holidays, I’ve done a quick clean of the ensuite and main bathroom. I have done dishes, loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen.. I’m exhausted writing this. Then I vacuumed and swept the floors, all that needs to be done is wash them but they won’t dry so I’ll do it on my way to bed!! Go me!! I feel a little better about my house now. I’m extremely tired though.

I would love some heat! Send it this way!! Are you coping ok with it? I love your description of the kitties. How hot has it been?

Mine are both asleep. They are exhausted. We kept them going pretty well. They were running and climbing rocks and having a ball. The three of them enjoyed themselves

I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m in my own bed in my own space alone. Just me and my dogs. Sounds perfect. I can’t sleep! I’m trying and just can’t nod off. My body is aching because I’m tired. I’m very lethargic. Bith if my babies are sleeping soundly. One o. The pillows on my floor and the other in the bed with me.

I’ve taken my meds. I’ve eaten dinner. even did the dishes!

Why can’t I sleep? I’ve missed my white noise and I have it on now. But it’s not working.

@Captain24 sitting with you sweet and sending lots of love and hugs. I hope you're able to sleep soon ❤️.

I kept waking up all night @MissGremlin. I was going to jump on here but I thought it wouldn’t be healthy for me. I e fed the dogs and done nothing else. I need to have a shower and do a shopping list to order. It has to get me through 2 weeks! So lots of meal prep! I’m really tired though and with everything I did on my holidays all the walking and stuff I didn’t lose any weight. I also increased the strength of my needle. So I’m pretty disappointed right now. Wondering what I did so wrong.

Mum will be here in half an hour so I better get myself presentable!

How are you going?