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I can’t cope

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

29009 replies

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In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 well you are by me! I'm sorry that you feel targeted and I know it can be hard when things sometimes can come across the wrong way.

Remember that you don't have to be in crisis to reach out to lifeline or beyond blue to chat to someone. I know it's a bit late now as they are closed but I rang blue knot foundation a couple of weeks ago and I found them really helpful to talk to, I was an emotional wreck but the person was so gentle and understanding, you can choose to remain anonymous or provide details. Maybe you could try them one day, it might just help to talk things through with someone and they'll sit with you through anything ☺️.

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'm sorry that you're so hurt sweetheart. I'm glad I could be here for you tonight, I'm just sorry that i can't take that pain away for you. I hope you're able to go to bed soon and get some sleep, give Pix and Jett lots of cuddles ❤️.

Sending you so much love and hugs ❤️

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Are you still around @Jynx?

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I’m a little scared as I don’t know how to make this recovery focused and not get in trouble. I’ll try anyway.

We are here and unpacked. The trip wasn’t too bad. Mum and dad have just gone shopping for groceries and I’m here with the dogs. Only a couple of times a had small cravings in the way here and now I’m alone normally I would sneak out but I’m not even feeling like I want to. They are getting my shopping while they are out so that means I’m not being tempted to buy any.

I finally finished packing this morning just before I fed the dogs. Then I put the sheets and doona cover on my bed. So my bed is clean but nothing else in the house! So be it I guess.

Im safe.

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Hello @Captain24 sweet, I'm glad that you're there and that the trip wasn't too bad. That's good that you aren't feeling like you want to have one, you're doing so well.

I know things didn't go smoothly before heading away but try to focus on the fact that you're there now and I really hope you can enjoy the holiday. Thinking of you sweetheart ❤️.

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

We walked the dogs last night on the beach. Keiko and Jett have 15 metre leads so that they have some freedom but still some control. I let Pix off her lead and she ran straight for the water. Keiko kept taking off on mum to the end of the lead. I said to mum to just drop it and I’ll keep up with the lead. I had to drop Jetts as well. So here I am, cat and lazy, running along the beach chasing the dogs! They had a lot of fun! I was exhausted.

I slept okish but my nose piece kept coming off so it wakes me up to put it back on.

Today it was raining so we went to the shopping centre. My dogs actually behaved them self in there. I spent a little bit at Kmart but not as much as usual. My budget is very limited. I also got dad’s Christmas present from lowes so that’s done!

I went to the beach after lunch. It was 17 degrees and freezing. I got into the water and as it hit a new part of my body that part started to ache! I finally got in deep enough to get my head wet. It was so so cold. It was nice as the waves would break and then deform so I could just float but not have to go to far out. However, the waves kept dragging me out deeper and sideways. I could stay where I wanted to. I had no control so it was scaring me and I got out. I was only in 15 minutes. My hands were blue when I got out and it was really weird that I was so cold that I was starting to feel warm from being so cold. I had to get in the hot shower really quickly when I got back. It took ages to warm up.

We just got back from walking them along the beach this afternoon. They had a good time climbing rocks and stuff. Pixie jumped up a large rock near where a man was sitting and went straight to him. She doesn’t like people! I apologise and realise he had food! I said she is diabetic and does get good food anymore. He said well you can’t have any sorry. He was actually going to give my dog some of his food! I grab Pix and climb down the rocks. Put her on the sand and she went straight back! We then had to put her on the lead to control her!

Im really tired and aching from all the running and walking I’ve done. I feel ok though.

Mum and dad aren’t really getting along. Dad just doesn’t want to do anything and I just want to keep going. I’m trying to suggest things that mum wants to do so she is happy. It’s hard to be stuck in the middle. But it’s more dad making everything hard. I can understand mums frustration but then mum is just a bitch back. I’m trying to deal with it and take it in my stride but it’s day one! Let’s see if I can keep it up. I did miss having my smokes at the beach though!

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Thank you for sharing. Sounds amazing @Captain24 

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Hello @Captain24 sweet, going to the beach and the dogs being able to run around sounds lovely ☺️. Can imagine it definitely would have been exhausting!

Going swimming would have been nice but it sounds like it was very cold, I'm glad you were able to warm up after a hot shower even if it did take a while.

I'm sorry that mum and dad aren't getting along, that would be hard to be around. I'm hoping it gets better as the time goes on while you're there. Just take each day as it comes sweetheart and try to enjoy the time away as much as possible. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs ❤️.

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Happy Saturday, lovelies! @Captain24 @MissGremlin

How are you?

Just going over your recent tags for me. 🥰

Cap, I am so glad you talked about things with your psychologist. It's really normal to have intellectual understanding before embodied change happens, integration takes time. 🫶

Good question about I - Investigate! "Bring a gentle, curious, and non-judgmental attention to the experience. Ask yourself: Where do I feel this in my body? (e.g., a tight chest or a knot in the stomach) and What is this vulnerable part of me believing?"

You can find a full break down here: https://www.tarabrach.com/wp-content/uploads/pdf/TaraBrach_RAIN_A-Practice-of-Radical-Compassion.pdf

MissG, that must have been quite vulnerable to let your support worker into your space, but I am so glad you felt like you could trust her enough to let her in. What was this like for you? 💛

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Hello @AuntGlow sweet, things are feeling really heavy today and I'm struggling (I'm safe).

It was so hard to have her in my space but I need to get used to it as I'm about to have a service involved that has to come into my house for appointments. So starting with my support worker felt manageable, I know she respects my boundaries so that adds a layer of safety or trust.

Content/Trigger warning: Trigger Warning
I'm feeling really let down by the mental health team, they rang today and I was honest about how things have been, how close it came to me acting on things last night and then she turns around and says 'oh it sounds like you're doing better, we'll close off soon'.
The person I talk to doesn't speak or understand English very well so she doesn't seem to be able to gauge how bad things actually are, that they've gotten so much worse in the last couple of weeks. I'm thinking of ringing on Monday and asking to talk to someone different so that they can fully understand where things are currently at.

How are you doing sweet?

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