I can’t cope

It’s almost time to feed the dogs and I still haven’t finished what I need to do. So I guess there is no going to bed anytime soon for me! @MissGremlin

Im really stupid for not being able to do it. It’s not that hard and I’m always ready early. But this time is a failure. I’m a failure. What is wrong with me. I still haven’t even cleaned the house.

I hope you start to feel a little easier with letting her in. I know that it’s hard but do t face next time with any preconceived ideas and just take it as it comes. It may also mean you might be able to push through if it’s raining and that way you can still see her

@Captain24 you're not stupid or a failure sweet, things are just hard at the moment. Please try to be gentle with yourself, the last few weeks have been very up and down with thoughts and feelings and you've had alot of big changes aswell. You're doing the best you can and that's more than enough. Sending you hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I plan on just taking it as it comes. She knows today was hard for me and she feels privileged that I allowed her in, I know there's no pressure from her like there is others.

Nice one @MissGremlin I hope you can continue to slowly build trust with your support worker over time ^_^

@Captain24 a bath sounds super lovely! And yes having something to occupy you each day should help you. Just be wary of seeing ciggies for sale and getting tempted!!

Glad your psych is so understanding. She cares about you, so I imagine she'll understand.

Hope the rest of your packing goes okay!

I’m about to cook 2 minute noodles for dinner. I just really want to go to bed but it’s just not possible. Still so much to do. I’m fumbling through my lists and not getting anywhere. It is so not like me to be so unorganised and chaotic. This is what my mind is like. Just chaos. There is nothing that is going right. There is chaos involved in everything.

So what I did to myself a couple of weeks ago triggered a manic episode. Then now this, so I certainly created a mess for myself for only momentarily gain.

On top of it all as well is quit smoking meds, struggling with cravings plus weight loss injections that make me sick when I take them. My GP stressing me out saying he wants to take me off some of my meds as I’m on too many. I dont want anything changed.

I just feel like I’m stumbling through life at the moment and like I’m 10 steps behind. I can’t keep up with everyday life. I’m not going to work everyday, I’m not getting there as early as I usually do, I’m not stressing about it as I don’t care. The whole anxiety part of me is missing. But I have anxiety in different ways.

It’s like I’m swimming but my head keeps going under. I can’t get my way to the top. I just can’t seem to hold myself up.

It’s feeling like life is just out of reach. It doesn’t matter how far I push or stretch is just passing in front of me and I just can’t reach it.

@MissGremlin @Jynx @AuntGlow thanks for listening.

Im safe. I’m good. Just talking. Sorry it’s not good enough. Just wanted someone to hear.

Thankyou @Jynx, unfortunately my time with the support worker is limited, it was only meant to be for 4 months but she was able to get an extension but it is probably only for another month or so and then I'll lose her. I've rang so many places recently trying to get help, hopefully long term but I'm not able to find anything. It's been a real roller-coaster of a time lately but I'm trying my best to keep pushing through.

@Captain24 I'm sorry things are feeling so chaotic sweet, i can really relate to that chaos and I know how hard it can be.

Is it possible that some of the meds are reacting with each other, maybe that situation needs to be looked into, not just rushed into cos that can have bad impacts but perhaps between your GP and the psychiatrist things could be looked at and maybe adjusted.

I know things are feeling so hard at the moment but also try to remember that only a little while ago things were going better, those days can and will come around again. It's just a matter of riding through the rough patches and trying to hold onto the little glimmers along the way even if they're few and far between.

I'm sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I thought I could relate to the chaos with my ADHD but this is out of control. An example. I got the packets of 2 minute noodles out and sat them in the bench. I fed the dogs. I picked up the packets and put them down and went and dried my hair. The I was like I really need to cook those noodles. So I went to the laundry and put the towels out of the machine and into the dryer. Then re washed some clothes that had been sitting wet all day. Then had a drink in the kitchen then went to the toilet. Then put the noodles on. I have this happen but not as bad. I even walked past the laundry and had to go back all k owing I was meant to be going to the kitchen to cook dinner at 8:45 at night.

My psych asked me about that. She said that I had made it before and it’s still there that I just have to work through this to find it. It’s all about riding it out. I told her I know it’s there and she asked if I say that with my head or my heart. My heart was the right answer.

Sorry for dumping all this. I would have written even if you weren’t here so feel free to tap out of your need to.

I really think I probably need to talk to someone but I’m not in crisis at all. I’m 100% safe. @MissGremlin 

Hi @Captain24 ,

Can you please go back to this post to ensure it is recovery-focussed?

https://saneforums.org/messages/1914040

Are you for real!!!! @BAO

Im glad you are supportive.

@Captain24 please look after yourself sweetheart, remember that you're loved and cared about here ❤️.