I can’t cope

@Captain24 you've done well to make a start with the packing sweet. I really hope this holiday helps you to reset a bit, especially knowing how much Pix is going to love the beach now that she's better.

It's not that I don't want to be here, things have been really hard for me and being on here wasn't possible (I'm safe). I'm not here to talk about what's going on for me at the moment, maybe one day but not today. I'm here to listen and support you as much as I can though, I still care about you so much, I'm just sorry that I haven't been around when things have been so tough for you.

I hope it does. It’s a beautiful place. I have been before feeling like this and I was disappointed in myself as I couldn’t enjoy it. But I have learnt a lot since then and have grown. Now I actually know what mindfulness and stuff is. Back then I didn’t. @MissGremlin

Im really hoping that if I can’t fix myself that seeing Pix will lift me! It always makes me smile when I see her on the beach especially her favourite one.

I’ve had a shower and washed my hair. Now sitting back on the lounge again. I need to finish packing my suitcase so I can put the sheets and doona cover back on my bed. But I’m stuck frozen, once again.

It’s ok. I’m sorry it’s been hard and you don’t need to be here for me if it causes stress or trouble, I will understand. I’m ready to listen if or when you need to talk but only whenever you are ready or not at all.

@Captain24 I remember from the pics that it's a beautiful place. You've definitely grown so much from your last trip there and I'm so proud of how far you've come.

I'm glad you've had a shower and washed your hair. I'm sorry you're feeling frozen again though, just try to take things one little step at a time. You've got this sweet ❤️.

Thankyou sweetheart, will see what happens. For today I'll share my little win, I had my support worker here earlier and rather than standing on my doorstep talking I decided to allow her to come into my house which is a huge thing for me as I don't feel comfortable having people in my space. (Sharing this with @Jynx and @AuntGlow too ☺️)

@MissGremlin Kitties have been keeping me wonderful company! Hope Casper is keeping well too

^_^

@Captain24 I'm glad you've made some progress. One step at a time eh? I can only imagine how the ciggy withdrawals would be impacting you along the way. It's a tough slog but you can definitely be proud of the progress you've made!

Oh yes scuba diving is amazing! That would be quite the spectacular experience. I hope you get a solid package with all sorts of cool activities like that!

Glad to hear it @Jynx ☺️. Casper is his same crazy, happy, snuggly self ❤️.

I’ve made a little @Jynx most if the suitcase and my stuff is done. I just have my meds and stuff to sort out. I’ll do that when I take them tonight and shove them in my suitcase.

I have a few dog things that I can get sorted. Before morning.

I’ve just run a bath and jumped in it hoping to do something with these cravings. It’s not helping me at all. The worse my mood gets the more I need one. Maybe while I’m away for 7 days I’ll be distracted and less focused as I didn’t smoke in front of may parents anyway. I use to just smoke at the beach. I’m in the dark bathroom with just a candle follicle ring and rains sounds.

I still have to clean my house! I won’t leave my house unless it’s clean before I go away.

Right now I’m wishing that I could just email my psych with updates to help me get through. I should have asked but o already asked a lot from her today. I asked her for an appointment that we do t normally have this week but told her I could pay for it but still not pay for the last one. I feel like scum for it though. But she understands what is more important at the moments

I’ve packed a bit more @MissGremlin Now I’m in the bath.

I think that maybe I should be as packed as I can get by 9 tonight. I still haven’t made my bed yet!

Tgat is massive to come inside. How did it feel?

@Captain24 that's awesome sweet, well done. I'm glad you're having a bath now, it's very much deserved too.

It was really hard to have her in my house but it was nice to sit down and chat. I put Casper in my room while she was here otherwise he doesn't settle.

I’m now laying on my bed. The bath dehydrated me and I was only semi conscious. Jett came and licked me and laid beside me. @MissGremlin I tried to drink but I have a funny taste in my mouth. I just thought everything was off but even water tastes off. Plus I haven’t eaten since 1 am this morning. I’m not feeling too great.

Im glad it was better sitting down and chatting. I hope you are able to do it again next time. While you are uncomfortable with her in the house was more comfortable chatting that way?

@Captain24 that's not good sweet, try to just take little sips of water and even if you can manage something small to eat that will help aswell. I'm sorry you're not feeling great.

Will see what happens next time i guess. Maybe a bit it was, it's just with the weather getting warmer it can be hard to stand outside.