I can’t cope

I can imagine it’s incredibly tough, but you’re trying and that’s really important @MissGremlin. I’m sorry you had such a difficult experience with the crisis service yesterday ☹️ I can understand why you’d feel hesitant to reach out again after that. Is there someone else you trust who you could reach out to and stay connected with today? And if you’re finding it helpful, staying connected here on the forums could also give you some company and support while you’re getting through today 💛

The iced latte is definitely going down a treat. I mostly relaxed and did a bit of re-organising but I got my nails done over the weekend and also went to my cousin’s baby shower on Sunday, which was really lovely! Thank you for asking 😊

@Nala2022 I just got back after doing my morning routine, I've sat down and I feel so overwhelmed but so out of it at the same time, it's like I have tears that want to come out but I can't let my guard down. I'm so, so exhausted, I just want to be able to rest 😞. I thought about calling my doctor as my appointment isn't until next week and I'm worried about how much this medication is affecting me, but at the same time I don't want to bother him. I also know he's going to say to just stop taking it and then I've got nothing again. Why am I so broken, why will no medication help me, why can't I get the support that I so desperately need. I don't have anyone to reach out to, the only person I've really been talking to is captain and I'm scared that I've upset her without meaning to, I feel completely alone. I've been trying to stay connected even when every part of me is screaming to shut down as I know it would be the worst thing I could do but I feel like such a burden on everyone. I'm safe, I'm an emotional wreck and I'm fighting a battle to stay alive but I'm safe. I'm going to do my dishes and then maybe some diamond art. I'm sorry for all the negativity but it's what's coming up for me right now, I'm trying so hard to not let it completely take over.

They always go down nicely. It sounds like a lovely weekend all round.

I know things are really hard right now @MissGremlin, and you’re trying so hard to get through it

You wouldn’t be bothering your doctor by reaching out about how you’re feeling and the concerns you have about the medication. That’s what they’re there for, and if you’re worried about how much it’s affecting you, it might be worth letting them know rather than having to wait until next week

I can only imagine how isolated you must be feeling right now, but please remember that you’re not a burden. You’re going through an incredibly difficult time and you deserve support too. I think it says a lot about you that you’re still trying to stay connected and be there for others even while you’re struggling yourself

I know shutting down can feel like the easier option when everything becomes overwhelming, but you’re doing something really important by continuing to reach out and take things one moment at a time. Even getting through your dishes and doing some diamond art can be enough for today. You don’t need to solve everything right now. We’re here to listen and support you 💛

Morning @Nala2022 @MissGremlin

I have been busy this morning. I’ve done a few things. I didn’t do very well with the sleep apnea machine last night but I’ll try again tonight and see if I can do better.

Im at the doctor at the moment. I decide to ring and see if I could get in. I’m going to ask for the needles and quit smoking meds. Then that is everything sorted. I’m a bit scared to see him after him making me cry in friday.

While I’ve been sitting here I have done my grocery order to be delivered this afternoon and then I can make my rolls for lunch for work. When I get home I have to cut up the dogs food if I have time and clean that little part of the kitchen. Then ironing and it’s all done. I can sit and do diamond art.

I hope you are both ok?

@Nala2022 the tears started flowing and I couldn't stop them, I did my dishes and cleaned out my freezer while they were running down my face, now my head hurts from crying. I just wish things weren't like this, I just want a little bit of relief, even if it's only for a short time.

I'm trying to be there for others, it's the one thing I feel that I'm actually ok at doing but it's hard when I'm struggling so much and I need support aswell.

Shutting down does feel so much easier, but I know if I do that I'll end up in a really bad place. I'm safe, I've sat down with my diamond art, just hoping it's enough to keep me going for a bit. I also want to try to get some rest after if I can.

Thankyou for being so gentle and understanding, it truly means alot right now ❤️.

Morning @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry you didn't so well with the sleep apnoea machine last night, but I'm so proud of it for trying it and I hope tonight is better.

I know it would be so hard seeing your doctor after the last appointment but this is different, you know what you want and you have ways to improve things moving forward so I'm hoping it goes ok for you.

Things are really hard for me today, I'm struggling so much. I'm safe, I've sat down with my diamond art for a bit.

I’m sorry it’s tough @MissGremlin.

I would sit with you but I’m here and I have a psych appointment at 12. It’ll be finished at 1 so I can sit for a bit with you then if I have the dogs food cut up. I can do the ironing later.

Thankyou @Captain24 sweet ❤️. I'm really hoping I can get some rest after doing this section so will see how it goes.

No worries. He is t running too late so far it’s only 30 minutes and I think I’m next. @MissGremlin maybe I’ll get everything done by the time of my psych appointment. Hopefully anyway.

I’ll make sure I’m free from 1 so if and when you want. I want to finish this section today.

I hope you get some rest though. I won’t about took me a little while to get to sleep last night with that air blowing in my nose! I did go to sleep and then I rolled over and the mask slipped off and I couldn’t manage to get it back on without the air leaking. I’m thinking maybe I didn’t have enough of the hose on my bed. The machine is really quiet though. I’m really hoping it’s good for me. It’s a 4 weeks trial to see how I go and weekly appointments at the chemist for the four weeks.

I hope it’s a better experience for you with the machine tonight @Captain24

I hope everything goes well at the doctor today. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling a bit scared after what happened last time, but I’m proud of you for still taking that step and advocating for yourself

Sounds like you’ve got a productive day ahead, followed by some well deserved diamond art! 😊

I’m doing okay. My shoulder pain has suddenly started playing up, but luckily I have an osteo appointment on Thursday. I usually need to go every 2–3 weeks, so hopefully that helps!

How are you feeling overall today? 💛