I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'm going to try to reply over here, not sure how I'll go jumping between 2 threads 😂.

@hopeful_hannah if you reply can you do it over here please.

@MissGremlin Roger!

Thankyou @Captain24 sweet ❤️. I'm so exhausted from trying medications and ending up with reactions then having to deal with the withdrawal effects of coming off them aswell. I'm trying to ride this one out but there's a part that's worried about the risk of doing so (I'm safe).

I'm always happy to be here for you, besides it helps sometimes to focus on someone else rather than my own problems.

Can relate to feeling scatter brained. I keep trying to put N's on Z's when I turn the canvas around 😂.

Yeah just stay here @MissGremlin I feel it’s a lot safer for you.

It must be so hard with medications. I have side effects but can mostly push through them. I’ve had very risky moments though. At least you reach out for support!

4 and Z aren’t even similar or the same colour! Could be a long day!

I have about an hour and I’ll be finished this section but I have to get ready shortly to go to the chemist, book my ultrasound in and book my GP appointment! I’m going to come home and do the list I wrote for today as all I have done is diamond art since I got up just after 6!

What plans do you have today?

@Captain24 thankyou sweet ❤️.

Yes i reach out for support but often that goes pear shaped and leaves me feeling worse off, like it has just before. The person was so rude when I said that I'm having thoughts of ending my life, saying that nothing that's going on in my life could be that bad that I need to end my life. Even when I talked about the huge loss of people I've lost to suicide since December, they turned around and said so you want to do what they did rather than staying and fighting to honour them. It was actually rather triggering to be honest so I decided to end the chat. I'm safe, just sitting here doing diamond art and staying connected here.

Maybe after a break your brain will distinguish the difference 😂. I have M's and W's together which is driving me nuts 😂.

I hope the appointment goes ok for you sweet and all the other things you are going to do.

I don't have any plans today.

That’s a horrible thing to say. @MissGremlin

There may be nothing in your life that sounds bad from the outside but that is not what your head is telling you. Also do you want others to feel how you feel about losing your nieces? But your head is telling you no one will care anyway. They will but not what you think.

Hopefully! M and W is hard an confusing. It does something to your brain!

Im about to sort myself out now. I’ll pop in when I can and when I get back home.

Do you want to meet at 2?

@Captain24 it's not that I want them to feel it but rather just sit with me and try to understand it. There's a huge amount of guilt around my niece that took her life in December cos the day that I found out I'd made an attempt myself earlier that day, I can't let go of the thought that it should have been me and not her (I'm safe).

Yes it messes with your brain, same as A's and 4's, oh there's so many 😂.

I'd love to ☺️. I'm about to make myself something to eat.

I’ve just gotten home. @MissGremlin

I have a trial sleep apnea machine. I’m to use it at least 4 hours every night for the next week and go back and see her on Wednesday.

I’ve booked my ultrasound in for the 8th of September so that is checked off. Then my GP appointment isn’t until the 29th so that’s a while away. It’s the earliest I could get in.

Im 100% doing those needles after talking to the pharmacist today. So that’s another decision done and I’m 100% going to get stop smoking tablets when I see him too. I’m going to make an appointment after my GP appointment for my dietitian! Then she can’t say no to needles as I will have already started!

Im about to sit back down to my diamond art if you want to join me?

@Captain24 a trial sounds good, I'm really hoping you're able to use it and that it helps you to get quality sleep.

Well done, so proud of you for making those 2 appointments and also for the decisions you're making, especially to stop smoking.

I'm sitting with my diamond art currently so I'm glad to be having your company. I haven't stopped since I got up until now basically.

Thanks.. it’s a wait of my mind but I just wish my GP appointment was closer! I’ve made those decisions and I need him to write out all the scripts! Maybe something will come up in my ultrasound and he calls me! @MissGremlin

Im glad you are finally sitting. Let’s sit together. Which one are you doing?