I can’t cope

Morning @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry you have a pounding headache, I hope it settles as the day goes on. You've done so well to have a shower and get the washing on already, well done. I'm glad you've got Pix and Jett with you and that you're enjoying both their comfort and the sun coming in.

I can understand stressing about the machine, it's a big cost even if you don't go for top of the range.

I know work is a big stress, especially since you've got your sprained ankle at the moment. It's hard with the unknown and not knowing what's going to happen, what jobs you'll be allowed to do and if they'll allow you to bring things in to do on day shift. I'm hoping it all goes ok when you do go back to work sweet.

It's ok that you haven't done it yet, you've at least made a start. Maybe for today just take things slowly and gently and allow yourself to rest when you need to ❤️.

It’s hard for all of it as I don’t like the unknown and uncertainty. At least by lunch time tomorrow I will have the machine sorted and know the cost. I’m praying it comes in between $1000-$1500. That’ll leave a bit of money still in Pix’s vet account. Mum said we will deal with Pix if anything crops up. She is trying to help me. @MissGremlin Im pretty lucky. I’ll book the ultrasound on Monday and then go back in a make an appointment for my GP to get the results. Then I’ll ask about those needles. They are around $200 a month! It’s all so much money!! I’m hoping that they will give me a kick start and I’ll be able to keep going and maintain from there.

I’ll just pack my stuff for work and see what happens. I’m going to take the diamond art that I wanted to do after I finish these ones for mum. It’s only 30x30 and I think it’s the smallest one that I have.

I’m about to get the dogs breakfast, then hang the washing out and sit down and enjoy the sun coming through the windows, my music and do my diamond art. I have a goal and hope I can achieve it. So I’ll be around if you want to join me at any stage.

Sorry that was long. I just need to talk through things

How did you sleep and how are you feeling?

@Captain24 the unknown and the uncertainty is horrible, i completely understand. Hoping you're able to find a machine around that price range so that there's still money left in Pix's vet account, I'm so glad that you've got mums help though sweet. That sounds like a good plan, I know the needles are expensive but hopefully once you've got things started then you can just maintain it.

Good idea, at least then you'll have it there and hopefully be allowed to do it.

I shall join you in doing some diamond art, I don't know whether to work on the mystery one or the one on my table though.

Yeah we won't answer those 2 questions, let's just say that this medication has increased my suicidal ideation (I'm safe).

Can you tough it out for a little bit to see if it settles? I was on medication after my first surgery that had the side effect of extreme depression and I was already there. It made it worse but then it did settle down. @MissGremlin Im not the one living through what you are going through though.

It’s must be hard to decide. One you’re enjoying and the other not so much. Would you rather get the less enjoyable one out of the way or replace and do the enjoyable one! I’m not much help! 😜

@Captain24 I'm trying to tough it out but last night I caved with things (I'm safe), it's harder when I'm exhausted and have no strength in me to fight. Last night I couldn't sleep so I was getting upset and frustrated.

Hmmm now that you put it that way, maybe i should get the one out of the way that I'm not really enjoying 😂.

I can understand that. Do you need it looked at? @MissGremlin Ive been really good with that. Even in the hard times. How are you with promises? I promised my GP I wouldn’t do it and even when I’ve wanted to I didn’t do it because I promised and I’m to much of a people pleaser.

So I did actually help! 😂

@Captain24

You've done so well to not do anything even when you've wanted to. That's one thing i don't promise though as for me it's often something I'm not in control of.

Haha you did!

Sorry. I was going through and adding more music to my playlist. It’s now 40 hours. Won’t be on repeat for a while! Lol

Oh.. I see. Sorry I took it the wrong way. I sometimes do that but in safeish limits, extra but not too much however I find that it actually makes my sleep worse. That’s in the times I struggle to sleep.

It has been pretty good. It’s one of the first questions I get asked for all supports though. They keep checking in.

How is it going? Are you starting to ‘feel’ it?

@Captain24 haha lots of music now!

It's all good, i was trying to be careful of how I said it. I still woke up several times even after that, it's just ridiculous. I can't wait to get the results of that sleep study.

My doctor asks me when I see him but that's the only person that does. I'm glad they check in with you though.

I've gotten distracted so many times, or rather disrupted more so I have one more section to finish and then the second row of sections is done. This one is just taking forever 😂.

Yeah. I got it in the end. @MissGremlin

Sucks about the interruptions! How many rows is there?