I can’t cope

@Captain24 Some beach, sunbeams, and a bonus lizard for you 😋

So it was a compounding situation @MissGremlin. Casper just set it off. A series of events. I don’t know what to say to help. It’s something that needs processing but I don’t know how. I’m sorry I’m not mushroom use. All I can do is listen and I’m here to do that.

@Captain24 it was very much a series of events. It's helped just to be able get things out. Processing takes time and right now I think it's better that i don't try cos otherwise I'm taking myself back into those feelings.

Thanks for the pics. @Jynx. Looks pretty cool. Love that you got to see a lizard! You would have thought that that was pretty awesome!

I doesn’t feel good but what you are saying is it’s my minds only way of coping? Even though I’m not coping it could be worse?

I think it has changed me for the worst. I don’t care anymore. I did an overtime shift and some of that crew were happy to see me but I didn’t care. One girl came to sit with me. I made conversation but I didn’t care. Another girl talked to me for 20 minutes and all I could think about was when will it end! I was a caring person but I seem to have lost that. I don’t want to talk to anyone because I don’t care to be around anyone. I’m struggling enough to care for my dogs and I’m failing at that. I’m not a good person and this is making it worse. I don’t think I can ever get that back. It’s like it’s hardening me into someone I don’t like.

I see my Pdoc tomorrow and my GP wrote a pretty in depth referral. I see my psych on Tuesday afternoon after I have been at an overwhelming training day and medical. I can’t have an admission, I don’t have the time to be able to take off work, Pix is still unstable and needing constant tests and I have no one that I would trust to care for her diabetes and needles. So there will never be another admission, plus the hospital closed down anyway.

I’m glad sorting through it helped. @MissGremlin. I get not wanting to revisit those feelings though. Is there anything you can do for yourself tonight?

@Captain24 I'm doing my bedtime routine now so I'll get to sit down soon and watch my TV show and do some diamond art.

Are you still watching buffy? @MissGremlin. What diamond art are you doing?

@Captain24 I'm still watching Angel but I finished Buffy. I can't say cos its a special one for someone. I'll be able to share it in the future.

I never really got into Angel. @MissGremlin. I did watch Buffy for a while and then gave up.

That sounds intriguing. Especially with the sharing.

@Captain24 I've started watching true blood aswell.