I can’t cope

Yeah. Something to do. @MissGremlin Its a pretty cute one.

A little bit is a start. Better than nothing, you may have been shaking but you faced it. Hopefully it’s a smidgeon easier next time.

I can’t wait to do it. It’s going to be epic if it works out.

I thought Christmas would be hard given circumstances. It’s a lot of work and hype for just one day though. I do enjoy the food and the gathering with out any drama or rushing. Just sitting and relaxing. It’s just mum, dad and myself though for lunch and I do everything. Mum helps serve it up as she can have what she wants and how much.

20 MINUTES !!!!!!! 🥳

@Captain24 you reminded me that I still need to order better colours for the one i wanted to do but the colours that came with it were horrible.

Hopefully it is, i do miss doing my colouring.

Your Christmas gathering sounds lovely. We used to do it here with mum, me and all the extras but now that never happens anymore. Christmas now brings up all the thoughts of what it used to be like.

Woohoo you're almost there and you've done so well to get through ❤️.

oh… I remember that one. Something you can try and focus on? @MissGremlin

It would be nice to be able to do some of that as well. Just 2 different things depending on what you are feeling.

It is nice and my brother doesn’t come so it’s just peaceful and mum appreciates that I do it all without her. Then we have cold meat and salads for dinner with a couple of dads siblings and I do and cater all that as well. The only thing that mum really helps with is the dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher. I thing that is may 4 of them on the whole day.

I can imagine it would be hard. Temeberibg good times. Maybe this year you could focus positively on those good times. Pull little snippets out of things that were really funny.

Im about to log off and leave!!!!

@Captain24 yeah maybe I'll be able to get the dots at some stage. I'm financially screwed at the moment, there's more money going out than what comes in and it's all just bills plus rent.

Yeah it's good to have different things to do depending on what I feel like doing at the time.

You do amazing to do the catering for it all, I'm glad mum helps with the dishes after.

I can't even think about it, it only brings more pain. I just treat Christmas like any other day now, not even sure if I'll set my tree up this year.

Yay. Drive safely home sweet ❤️

I’m home!!! I have the oven on to cook me some dinner. I’m exhausted. I think my breakdown made me tired and my distress level.

Yeah.. money is a big problem. @MissGremlin The cost of living is just getting out of control. I’m struggling to make ends meet. I do have a few expensive appointments though. I don’t know how anyone can survive on less than I’m in as I’m struggling as it is.

I like doing it. I hate cooking and can’t cook but I enjoy doing it for them. It makes me proud. The first time I did Christmas lunch was 5 years ago when I built this place. I’ve done it ever since. Mum was impressed the first time as it was nearly the same as hers. Plus it was the first year she didn’t have to do it. She was going to have to do this year if I didn’t get work off but I did so it’ll be me again. I even buy it all. I do have a lot of money on everyday rewards though.

I get the too hard. Sometimes I like to remember good things to block out the bad. I only put my Christmas tree up Christmas Eve and it’s only so we can take photos of the dogs and to put the presents somewhere. I did do Christmas lights out the front for the first couple of years but didn’t do it last year. I might think about it this year. I have to buy some. I also want to make my great grandmothers Christmas cake do I need to get that sorted in the next week or 2 to be able to have it ready by Christmas. Lots of brandy between baking it and Christmas Day I did that the first year here as well. I always wanted to but was too scared. Mum did help me the first time as I can’t cook and didn’t really get the instructions. But after that I did it myself.

What did you have for dinner? Are you in bed?