I can’t cope

I’m liking your thoughts for tomorrow @tyme

A well earned day of fun

No idea about what’s changing and impacts for everyone is being very daunting. I’m not too bad with change most times when know what’s happening. It’s the unknown that’s scary.

managed to get 3 out of 5 things on to-do- list today. Proving more information on, what I call, my trauma spreadsheet took longer than I had thought, emotional at times too.

one of the tasks was I emailed it to you today. One big job done @Captain24

2ish I started doing some more Lego. 2nd floor of building done, 1 more floor to go.
placed online order for couple more Lego

by now running out of energy really quickly and feeling soooo tired. Can’t turn off at night, sleep meds not helping, been about a Week now 4hrs max sleep at night, just over 2hrs one night

Getting some done is a really good thing @Flutterbug9. You should be proud of yourself and also for allowing Lego time!

What have you ordered? I’m saving as I want the aquarium one!

Getting stuff sorted for the psychiatrist must be very triggering?

I hope sleep finds you soon. It’s so hard when you can’t switch off to sleep.

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@Captain24 wrote:

All I need is to be heard and held

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Hearing and holding you dear Cap!! 😊💜

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ♡

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@Flutterbug9 wrote:

one of my problems is when someone gets angry and is in position of authority (eg solicitor last yr), I go into freeze mode immediately. Can’t answer, can’t move, cant think and, most definitely, can’t respond. Another coping mechanism which started decades ago

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This is such a mood @Flutterbug9 I think part of it is trauma and part of it is how we're socialised to be like, 'obedient' to authority figures. And it can mean even in moments where we have every right to contest something or stand up for ourselves, the freeze response kicks in. Can be soooo challenging hey!

Thanks @Jynx.

I actually wish there was someone in my life that I could be open and honest with that would hear me and hold me. But there is no one.

I just want it to stop. I struggle to verbalise (or write) how it’s actually feeling. It’s just really deep down inside and hurts. It’s all consuming. It’s constant. Nothing lessens it. I’m that far down that I don’t have SI as I just don’t have the energy. I know I’m not making any sense.

How are you?

@Captain24 i have had heart issues in the past, i have inappropriate sinus tachycardia aswell as an undiagnosed heart condition cos they haven't been able to work out what's going on yet.

I'm going to head to bed as soon as the movie I'm watching is finished and see how it goes with getting some sleep.

That’s not good @MissGremlin. I don’t like not having answers. But at least you know that there is something better than not knowing at all.

I hope there is t long until it finishes and you are able to finally get some sleep.

@Captain24 it's frustrating not knowing what exactly is going on but I just have to keep a close eye on things.

It's still got about 40 minutes to go.

It’s good to know that you need to watch though @MissGremlin

I hope the next 40 minutes goes quickly for you.

@Captain24 I'm starting to wake up now 😂.

Think i missed the sleep window, but if I'd gone to sleep when I first started feeling sleepy I probably would have been awake at like 2am 😂