I can’t cope

It sounds like you've gotten a lot done already @Captain24!

I know it's so disheartening when you've made such good progress and then it feels like you're stepping backwards, but to me this highlights that you've gotten to that better place before, so we know it's absolutely possible to get there again. It's okay and understandable to be disappointed now though.

Isn't it so funny how our pets have such a good internal clock and know when it's time for their meals!

She definitely wasn’t missing another meal! @Ru-bee. She is really clever though and knows that dinner times are different at my house than when she is staying with mum.

I have to work really hard to get back there again. I just feel like everything is against me. I need to somehow work with the cards I’ve recently been dealt and stay safe and move forward. Maybe my psych has some ideas. I’m putting a lot on this appointment!

I’m doing ok with my list. I’ve finished all the washing and have bought it all in. Just need to iron it. I set myself 2 garden beds to weed but I’m now half way through my fourth and last one. I’m all itchy and coming out in a rash but want to finish it so I don’t have to worry about them. Then the front of my house will look tidy. The sweat is just dripping off me. My eyes are stinging from where it’s all running off my face. It is literally dripping off my chin.

It’s only 34 degrees so we haven’t reached the 38 yet. So it’s pretty nice out there. I just have to remember to hydrate myself as I’m going. I really need a shower when I finish!

How is your day going? I just realised it’s a Saturday. What brings you here in a Saturday?

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@Captain24 wrote:

I don’t really get it @Jynx Sorry

I wasn’t thinking you were judging me I was saying it’s ok if you needed some space from me.

Please do tell me.

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Probably over-explained @Captain24 haha - but the same logic applies, really. If I needed space, I would say so.

Sounds like a hot and yucky day for you!! Hope you're drinking heaps of water and having plenty of little rests!!

Hey @Jynx

I am a little proud of myself. I have completed all garden beds! They were so overgrown that it was enough to hide snakes! But they are all done. I was so sweaty!!! I’ve just had a shower and I’m really sore. I’ve just had an electrolyte icy pole. It was really nice out in the sun. I love being in the sun. Tomorrow I’m mowing mum and dad’s lawn and it’s suppose to be 38 again. I might do it in the morning though as it will take a while.

Now I have to finish the rest of my list! That’s clean the main bathroom, clean kitchen and ensuite, vacuum and wash floors. Plus all the ironing from a million loads of it. So still heaps to go.

I don’t want to stop and sit down. The thoughts are really loud already today even though I have been busy. Stopping scares me a lot.

How are you? Did you have your rent inspection?

When's your next appointment @Captain24?

My days going pretty well, I'm a bit tired because I got up early and went for a jog before work so I've just finished another coffee ☕

Haha I swapped one of my shifts this week so now I'm here! I always think its a bit fun to be here on the weekend to see what goes on on the weekends 😄

I see her on Tuesday @Ru-bee. Then I don’t see her for 4 weeks but I think that’s too long especially if I do get the side effects from the medication, so I’m going to see if her work days and mine can kinda match up in 2 weeks.

You’re keen going for a jog… can’t tell you the last time I exercised! It’s a great way to start the day though. Other than tired.. do you feel better for it? You do deserve that extra coffee though.

I hope you are enjoying it this weekend.

Do you have plans for Christmas?

@Captain24 Yikes, mowing the lawn in 38 degree heat!! Do you ever get sunburned? Or do you have a darker complexion? One of my close mates is black (not blak, lol he's from the US) and even though he's darker, he said the australian sun is particularly nasty!! Me I'm white-as, I gotta like, go swimming in sunscreen if I wanna go outside in the summer 😅

Kudos for getting stuff done - hope you have 'rest' or 'hang out with doggos' on your list too though? I do understand that sometimes the safest thing we can do is stay busy, so there's no judgement here if you gotta be go-go-go today!

I did! It all went fine, hopefully they'll fix the slowly crumbling porch soon! I was peeved though cos even though the only contact I got from the RE agent was 'we'll be in touch with next steps', the very next day, I was getting phone calls from a random number and then someone hit my doorbell! I do NOT like unexpected visitors 😅 Turns out it was some guy from the agency (not my RE agent mind you) who had randomly rocked up to my house without any prior contact!! Grrrrr.

That reminds me I need to email them to say like... please don't send random strangers to my house without my prior knowledge and consent!! It does mildly trigger my panic response which is no fun at all.

Yeah I get sunburnt. I think my face is after today but I’m lucky I have aboriginal skin so it turns brown pretty quick. I will probably get burnt tomorrow. If you look at me I’m fairly white but once I see the sun you can see my olive skin. I tan really easily.

Yeah. I have to keep moving. But I’ve been like that for a while. These lists are out of control. But I can’t stop writing them and doing them. It’s stupid but there is something wrong, I just don’t know what it is. My psych hasn’t told me to stop, to just go with it for now. I haven’t had any rest but I have patted the dogs in amongst it all. I do have a pounding headache though! It’s like a sharp stabbing pain in my right temple.

Glad it was good. How did it feel to have it all done? How did you go with ‘that’ room? I get not liking people coming to your house unannounced. I don’t like it either and strangers are the worst especially in your case where they need access. I don’t have to worry about access anymore. I hope you looked after yourself after. Self-care. I’d be emailing them too. If someone is going to ring from a strange number at least leave a message so you know to get back to them. ADHD does make it hard to call back though.

I do feel better for it @Captain24 its a weird feeling where it both sucks but feels good... I hadn't gone for a little while though so it hurt a little extra today

I'm hosting my family for Christmas this year which I'm really excited about. I have run out of time now and gotta scoot, but I'll catch you next week to continue this, I want to hear about your Christmas plans!