Not coping when not at work

@peps I've thought of something else - I find psyching up for my volounteer job so demanding and my work is a high point of my week - so therefore I need some down time to recover. So I need the slower days of not achieving much to balance out the high intensity work days. That might be one reason we don't achieve as much at home and our mental health goes down?

Hi @peps,

I just wanted to say I can relate to the feeling of being able to function at work (I was almost anxiety and depression free because i was too busy to think about anything but work) but as soon as my shift was over the anxiety and depression came straight back.

I took on extra shifts just so I could escape my negative thoughts but that eventually caught up with me because I couldn't physically sustain it. I guess for me the best way I can explain it is that I was in `autopilot mode'. It is confusing to think about - maybe it's a coping strategy?

What do you think of your psychologist suggestion of a hospital stay? Maybe a break from work to reset your buttons will help?

I can only speak from my own lived experience but after a while I started to resent the fact that the only time I felt okay or like `myself' was at work. I wanted to feel better across all parts of my life not just at work.

Wishing you all the best,

FloatingFeather

Hi @NatureLover and @FloatingFeather

I defiantly think I use so much energy both physical and mental at work that on my days off and when I get home I just need a break from everything. Its like I don't want to see anyone or do anything but then I also notice my depression a lot more when I'm not forcing myself to look like I don't have any problems. I also assume that its when I take a break or slow down in anyway the thoughts just get out of control and I'm overwhelmed my the negative and anxious thoughts.

I am planning on listing to my psychologist and having a stay in hospital, I'm just waiting for a bed to be available. My Dr did the referral a month ago so I've been on the waiting list for a bit. Part of me is anxious that I won't be sick enough to be in hospital. I just worry people are going to question why I need to be there. Adding to my anxiety is my work has just gone into lockdown with residents and some staff being positive for Covid. I do wear PPE all day but I'm anxious the hospital won't let me go if I've been near people with Covid. If I need to stop working before I can go into hospital I'm not sure what I will do. Work is there only thing that is keeping me going. I don't know if I could cope with a week of doing nothing and being at home. Also work also doesn't want me to have too much time off so stopping work for a period before hospital is just going to make things worse.

Thanks for Reading,

Peps

Hi @peps ,

Have you ever been admitted into prevention and recovery centres?

PARCs gives you time out from life to focus on recovery. It did a world of good for me. For someone so ‘able’ as I was, the hospital environment didn’t help me, but PARCs certainly did.

Not sure if you have any in your area.

All the best whatever choice you make,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @peps ,

I was thinking of you so I thought I’d pop in to say hi and to see how you are going.

How have things been for you in the last week or so?

BPDSurvivor

Hi @BPDSurvivor,

So i've been struggling. I was admitted to hospital on Thursday and they adding a medication. I haven't really left my room. Im just really anxious and depressed all at the same time. It's like now I don't have a break from my feelings by going to work. I'm not sure how to explain to my treating team what I'm feeling or what I'm needing. I also don't know what I need or how to describe my feelings and what's wrong. When I saw the psychiatrist I was extremely anxious and sort of starting to dissociate I couldn't really have a conversation or ask questions. I'm just so lost. Now tonight the thoughts of suicide have started coming back. I know I'm not going to act on it but its still upsetting that they are there. I'm thinking about telling the nurse I'm just not sure if I can and I don't know if there is anything they can do to help.

Thanks for checking in I really appreciate it,

Peps

@peps hey just wanted to offer a bit of support too. Sounds like you're really doing it tough at the moment.

I think something that could be helpful to remember is that I imagine you're way outside your comfort zone at the moment. I know when I'm in a strange environment, I might become a bit guarded or feel really out of it. So it makes sense that you're not quite sure how to communicate your needs right now. I hope it gets a little easier, and that the staff around you are being super patient and understanding. And there are plenty of folks here who would know what it's like to be where you are too.

Hugs @peps ,

I’m sorry that circumstances are so challenging for you at the moment.

You deserve all the care you can get at the moment. It’s okay not to be okay and there are people to help you.

Im thinking of you and hope to hear from you soon,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @BPDSurvivor,

Thanks for the hugs. I really am struggling and not really sure how to communicate how I feel to others. I don't know if anyone really understands or can see that I'm struggling. At the moment I'm just feeling so low and don't have the words to describe it. I keep thinking about telling a nurse but i'm too anxious to go and speak with them. I'm not sure if there is anything they can do to help. I also worry about wasting their time I know they have lots of things they need to do. I see the Dr again tomorrow and i'm not really sure how to communicate with him because my anxiety seems to overtake me and I just end up frozen or dissociating and not being cable of talking about what's happening and asking questions. I really just feel so stuck.

Peps

@peps just wanted to offer some support. I'm glad to read you're seeing your doctor tomorrow. If getting the words out are an issue at the time, would it be worth writing everything down before and that way you could just handover the paper? Might just help relieve some anxiety and also help you cover everything. I know my memory always fails me during appointments.