Not coping when not at work

Evening @peps,

Just wanted to empathise with you, those SH/SI thoughts can be really tough, especially when it feels like they're getting harder to manage.

You mention that you feel too anxious to let the nurse know how you're feeling tonight and that you're worried they won't have time to listen, but we can't know if we don't try, right? I think the fact you're in hospital at the moment it would make sense you would reach out to the nurse on duty and let them know you're struggling. They are there to support you @peps.

To answer your question re. whether it's normal to have SH/SI thoughts, I think it's really variable – for people who've never experienced complex mental health they may never have such thoughts or if they do have them they're fleeting. For those of us with complex mental health SH/SI it can be kind of common, though still distressing. I've had times where I've experienced similar thoughts and the strategy I've found most useful to combat it is thought defusion. I find this technique helps to detangle from the thoughts and therefore my feelings and I'm less inclined to act on them.

I think the question I'd like to ask you is something you've eluded to – what do you think you might need to feel more confident in dealing with your thoughts and emotions? Is there something you could begin to put in place for yourself, or something more you could ask of your treating doctor?

HI @Former-Member,

I think your write I need a way to be more confident in dealing with my thoughts and feelings. I'm not even really sure where to start to get that confidence. I have been writing down some of the questions that keep coming up for me to go through with my therapist when I see them next. Its like I feel like I need this constant reassurance but I feel shame and guilt for needing the reassurance. I think I need to find a way of reassuring myself that I have skills to manage distress and I just need to use them.

Peps

Hey @peps,

You might not see this right now, but the realisations you've arrived at (yourself!) are amazing! The fact that you've taken the time to sit with your feelings and to write out any questions you have for your therapist, I mean that right there is gold star worthy! It took me a long time before I was able to sort my thoughts out enough to share them with my therapist in any meaningful way.

I want to also just say that I think it's natural to feel like you might need a level of reassurance whilst going through feelings of SH/SI. It can be a scary time, particularly if you're just starting out in your recovery, and getting some psychoeducation around it all can be very useful. That said, I know I've tipped a little too far over in my reassurance seeking and needed to lean on my own skills. When I started to do that I began to feel more confident in my own ability.

Do you think tonight you could think of one thing that you did for yourself today/this week that demonstrates self-care or putting your coping skills in action? I'll share an example with you, today I shared a boundary with someone (which I find really hard to do). It was a little anxiety provoking but it resulted in me feeling like I was honouring my values and I didn't have to swallow my feelings. Now over to you @peps 😊

I think you did too, @peps 😊

As someone who has been through the struggle, I'm really proud of you for not only using your skills tonight, but being able to identify that you did. Coping skills aren't a magic potion, they tend to get more effective the more we use them, like strengthening a muscle.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other @peps and keep us updated with how you're getting on.

Hope you have a restful night 🌚

@peps i 1000% understand, I could have written this myself !

I find it funny that people think because everything looks good in the outside at work t that we are fine. I am lucky I have an amazing boss who knows that my outward projection is an epic lie and she’s very supportive but I feel like a burden at work. I take time out to go to trauma counselling or see my psych, or have a PTSD panic attack. It just sucks.

But all in all work is my safe space, where I appear normal, where I deal with others who aren’t coping with batting an eyelid.