Trying, forever trying.

Hi @Ugly_Trout ,

First of all, I really want to acknowledge your courage in posting with such vulnerability and honesty. I can really hear how overwhelmed and lost you're feeling with everything at the moment. Particularly with wanting support and acceptance from others whilst also feeling undeserving of care from those who love us. It's a tough spot to be in.

There was a time when I harboured a lot of feelings of self-hatred and guilt, and they left me feeling isolated and unworthy of empathy and compassion from family as well. It's important to remember though that we are often our own harshest critic, and no matter what our mental health struggles are or what decisions we have made to cope with those, we deserve empathy and compassion. We do, even if it doesn't feel like it. Having support in our lives is so important for our ability to cope with everything life throws at us.

Letting go of self-hatred and guilt, and learning to accept love and care from others though takes practice and guidance, so I'm wondering if you have any professional supports in place other than your psychiatrist? For me, having a counsellor was really beneficial.

Either way, I hope you find a supportive community here. You're not alone in your struggles 💛

cloudcore⛅

@Ugly_Trout so much of what you write resonates with me. I'm an almost old aged, single, white woman. Also mainly reclusive because I can't stand the questions when I go out. I was on the psychiatrist, medication roundabout for years.

I also find that writing things helps. To me it like sending it away. It doesn't matter if no one responds because it's basically done it's work. I'm here and I hear you.

I'd like to reply @Ugly_Trout but I don't know what I can say to help.

Just remember that you are as worthy as anyone else, and don't let anyone tell you differently. You must find a way of disregarding what others may or may not be thinking or saying about you...like water off a duck's back. Start getting the pieces of your life together and making the most of them, so that you know there is nothing 'they' can say or think about you that isn't respectful. And take care of yourself.

Hi @Ugly_Trout and thanks for sharing where you are at the moment. I can relate to alot of your post.

Changing meds is often difficult and navigating the outside world a challenge at the best of times.

Please never think of posting a thread on here as whinging. I have felt similarly in the past, but been overwhelmingly assured by other forum members that this is a safe and supportive environment to share your experiences.

I just wanted to say that I've read your post and I hear you.

Take care,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

The older I get, the more I turn to young heroes for inspiration. You're making me think of the Eli character from Cobra Kai. Ever since seeing it I've been looking for ways to "flip the script". Of course I'm not proposing you get an edgy haircut and become a karate lieutenant (although I'm not saying to not do that (we should all do that (from time to time))).

Just letting you know the people in my neighborhood don’t take me seriously too, I’ve been battling my illness here for about 10 years and always kept to myself now just being happy around them upsets them I don’t know how to make it right but I think self love and acceptance and self respect can go a long way, easier said than done as I’m just going through it now @Ugly_Trout . Stay in touch if anything I’ve said resonates with you. I feel like I’ve experienced everything in life, but am still hopeful of things leveling out

Hi @cloudcore. I do have some new supports this year. They're new is all. I have tried self love, and I'll continue to try. It's just hard. Difficult. I have done more damage to myself really than anyone else. So I blame me for what I put my family through, even when that's behind me. I'll keep trying. thanks for your words.

@Scream58 . Thanks. I did find writing the original message helpful. I'm not great at keeping journals or anything though. However, I am great at seeking help, then just losing myself in music :). Even though that doesn't really help me.

Hey @Ugly_Trout ,

I acknowledge your efforts in giving it a go. This is not easy in itself. Self-love is also challenging when things seem so bleak and there's the weight of guilt.

You are very courageous which you should be commended on.

Looking forward to walking with you through this journey.

Take care,

tyme

Hi @Historylover . For some reason your words 'Just remember that you are as worthy as anyone else, and don't let anyone tell you differently' brought me to tears almost, my mind fighting what it is hearing. Its tough to hear those words from someone. And even harder to hear it from myself. I've done things I regret, mostly to myself. When I hear "you're worthy" my mind rallies to fight against that. F-ing ingrained into my subconscious. I know I need to work harder on myself.