Trying makes it worse

Hi @maddison

That's really nice to help Ur neighbour move, I hope u get a nice new neighbour, as well.

That made me smile about having 100 or so, and feel better about that as my hobby. I have culled and have about 20, mostly OPI. I have been wearing a purple one a lot, or a red called "Stick to Your Burgandies."

I have been ok today, but this evening I felt very heavy and stressed, kinda sad. I don't speak to anyone in my family and it is hitting me now. Likely because I had a bad session with my dr and then cancelled all future appointments.

My friend talked me out of it and I called and got the appointments back. But I'm sad and he hurt me.

I think Ur nails are so cool. I wish I could wear like that, super bold!

Thanks for writing

Hi @EternalFlower

I wanted to quickly say hello.

I'm going to write more later.

Would it be funny or strange if we organised a hang out day?

Maybe today, or next weekend if you are not busy?

Chat soon.

5 of my nails already fell off!

It's probably a silly idea @EternalFlower & for some reason is anxiety inducing for me!

We kind of hang out on weekends anyway.

I miss having female friends to spend time with & spend the day painting nails or gossiping like I did in high school. It's a lovely sunny day here in Melbourne today & I don't have a friend to invite over - not for years!

I have my housemate. He is my best friend. He hates my nail polish addiction, he is ok.

I'm going to mow the lawn now.

I will try to reply properly later.

maddison xx

PS - totally open to suggestions about making occasional weekends (or one day) unofficial 'ladies days' @Appleblossom @Eve7

Here is some of my collection. I had to cull maybe 100 over the years!

 bottom row is OPI

Hi @maddison I feel the same, I feel sort of forgotten often by ppl and female friends. I have two good friends which has really helped me but it's not conventional, my one friend is a mum of 3 and we went to school together, my other friend is in her 60s and looks out for me as I don't have a relationship with my Mom or family.

I think a happy weekend check in sounds awesome

Hi @EternalFlower

I'm so glad you approve & I like your title of 'happy weekend check in'.

Thanks for nail compliments. I like the OPI burgundy you are wearing too. It's quite bold as well! It's like a middle colour between classic neutrals and then very gothic type shades.

I think it's ok that you cancelled your appts. (I'm also glad your friend helped to get them back) Emotions are fragile. If someone hurt you, it is natural to try and protect yourself. Your emotions are valid.

I assume you are talking about a psych dr? Those types of sessions can be really hard. Personally, I would find it very difficult. You are working on understanding & improving yourself. Feel pride in that!

Is the lack of communication with your family a recent thing, due to this event? I can see how that would be further isolating if that's the case.

I have little to no contact with my family. I have sibling's I never see. It's really hard. Sometimes I will hear about 'get togethers' they have had - via SMS! After the fact! Sorry, but they are arseholes in my opinion. They don't deserve the greatness that is 'maddison' !!

Yes, unconventional friends are funny. I think it makes us interesting.

Thanks so much for sharing a little more about your life. It's interesting for me to read & I feel like I can draw confidence from you. Thankyou.

I also read about your new male CM. Hopefully he will be ok. I know you have been through a lot. Try not to let it jade your vision of this new one. Also, don't feel like you can't express any problems, based on past troubles, or worries of being seen as a complainer. I think this should be a fresh page.

I have a sense things may turn out better than you think!

Kind regards, maddison

Hi @maddison

I read that 5 of Ur nails fell off...not happy!! They looked great, though. I have never had false ones so Ur ahead of me. Have never even had sns. I just paint them from the bottle. I do get compliments sometimes and am myself always tuned in to people's 💅 💅

I noticed u had some cool browns, that's the next colour I want to master...it is so so chic and adult, but I think like nudes, u have to try a few to find which oke is Ur true match.

That is so relatable re Ur siblings. It is so painful and I'm sorry they don't show care and listen and support. I stopped speaking to my parents about 2 or 3 years ago, I wish I'd done it sooner. My parents would tell me really insulting stuff that was factually incorrect. I am happier without them but I get lonely as well.

Have moved on from Enlightened, which was so beautiful and now watching Love on Netflix

My Dr was rude and inappropriate in session, it took me a while to process. I did feel like I needed to protect myself, as u mentioned, to not get walked on. He is late but also blunt at times.

I have a new case manager, he's so good! I'm so happy.

I had to meet with the head of the clinic to discuss what happened. It was an intimidating process. But I didn't want revenge or drama, truly I just wanted a new case manager. I didn't feel like the old one was very appropriate herself, she was very inconstant and scary, which frayed my nerves.

Hope ur doing OK x

quick reply:

The most beautiful brown I've seen is called Suzi loves cowboys - it's an old one, they might have something better by now.

hello @EternalFlower Glad your new cm is working out. Pity about the doctor.

I have not been online as had internet troubles, so doing a big catch up.

Love the idea of a ladies check in on the weekend ... @maddison

Cept to say ... that on the nail side ... I do not pass ... mine are bitten and I no longer struggle about it. It is what it is. My girly side is slowly coming out though ... but mainly in my scarves and garden.

Take care

Apple

Hi @maddison 10/10 for that brown I would have bought it really but it's discontinued. It is the perfect one. Good eye !

Hi @Appleblossom I feel like less of a woman I do not know how to accessorise or own even one single scarf. It sounds like Ur girls side is coming out and Ur having fun with accessories. I have long felt like less of a girl as I have almost no interest in shoes or scarves. Or jewellery really.

I hope Ur internet is working OK.

The new CM will call me tomorrow and it's so different, having confidence he will do what he says. I sometimes see old CM and she scowls which is kinda funny? Sitcom kinda ridiculous?

I feel quite sombre and sad since all that went down and the clinic, it has been hard to shake or explain. I should be happy, but seeing how empty and dysfunctional some parts of the healthcare system are continues to affect me.

I wanted to quit seeing my Dr, but he's booked out for 6 months which makes it a scary prospect.

He is unhelpful and awkward talking about SH etc which has been upsetting. Other times he's quite arrogant. He told me that he's not a social worker and I need to stay with the hospital to get NDIS sorted. I felt palmed off. I wander if he feels the nitty gritty is beneath him, and looks down on social work or practical stuff. I also feel like he dislikes me.

That's nice @Appleblossom that u like gardening, is it a good relaxation?

I have been watching Love on Netflix and previously Enlightened. Both female driven although I relate a bit more to the male Love interest on Love, he's a major dork and always says the wrong thing.

@EternalFlower

I needed to wear scarves for my neck and in the end made it a personal style.

I like colour and finally finding it fun to dress up a bit for church. I was away from church for a long time but slowly going back to a different one, that is closer to me, and not as blind to "issues". I am a Senior so its taken a while!

Doctors and the medical system system seems to have become another authority like the church and government. A lot of it we have to accept, but .... should not have to wear it all.

Gardening was not a thing I did when I was young. I started when I was 40.