Trying makes it worse

Thank you for posting @tonys .

I love your honest responses.

Hope you are recovering well. So glad you see you here.

Hi @Appleblossom sounds not so pleasant with a bossy controlling dynamic. I think they have centres all over, they also have a "pals" program i think.

The worker and i met just twice. Every other time, sick. I raised it and it was not received well. the worker didnt seem that interested anyway.

The issue was i had dental stuff she was meant to help and take me too and her being sick just made it worse. I needed that support and it was always tenuous, she wouldnt follow up or be clear when she was availible.

I think also when im not well i dont know what day it is, so when people dont show up i get confused and start to blame myself, like i forgot or was disorganised. So they can pull one over me that way.

I agree it is great to share and process this stuff.

I liked one of the workers and the mind phone line they gave me, but i didnt have much luck with them otherwise. They have peer workers as well but i was not able to access one.

Thankyou @tyme . Seep well n happy dreams. gnite all tonys

You are spot on @tonys as always and everyone benefits from ur wise words,!

Eek with the rattling med trolleys. Hope it is quiet in the hospital over the weekend.

It feels so cold tonight and dark...this winter is testing me. I need woolie layers , the gloves and the beanie.

It is so cold it is scary and kind of dark mentally.

A peer worker from the hospital called today to check in after mh ED visit, i said i couldnt talk (it was an unknown no and not a good time) . They then called me four times throughout the night plus texts. Idk. I am not answering just taking breaths and hope to reconnect to them next week.

I saw this week as a holiday of self care, and focused on just taking care of myself. It did me a world of good. Having holidays from mental illness because...why not?

I agree with what u said very much about taking notes and being one step ahead. It is an interesting way to regain power.

For example they blamed me for not calling and following up. I called twice. I try journal as well to have records...but then i lose the journals lol.

I liked the young fellow I spoke with on the phone for a few months, he was committed and followed through. I was sad that "he left" when I attended in person. I do not think it was his decision as I had spoken with him a week or 2 before. When I started to see all the power issues I realised they were not abouit empowering those struggling with mental health issues but having 'internal battles' to remain on top of those with MH struggles. @EternalFlower

So I guess one learning, is do not always blame yourself. That is what I am finding more and more. I was so apologetic about all the issues in me and my family. Apologised about everything. Too poor. Not educated. I am unworthy. Mea culpa mea culpa. Yesterday, I spoke to a young resistrar, who twice, in one interview thought we were discussing completely different cases ... once using the wrong name and once mentioning supposed 'hobbies' that were totally irrelevant to our circumstances. She was nice and was trying, but ...the psychiatric registrars are moved around a lot, so I understand her predicament, but I have never made those errors in my working life, and they have so much power over others. It was really important for me to recognise.

its tempting to shut the world out hey @EternalFlower The shortest day has passed. longer days will bring light ,warmth and hope very soon. This summer has to be the year of your awakening. You are young. The world needs you, and we have to find the keys. This must be the last year when winter offers little more than cold.

I now little of MH but it seems to gain a foothold in soft sensitive people. The very qualities that make such people so nice seem to leave them vulnerable if they are not "equipped'

Oh.. a well kept diary is considered a legal document in a court of law.

But thats the small stuff. I watch those links that @Appleblossom sends me from time to time.

she's good at rummaging and digging out treasure. There are little clues that pieced together, reveal much about ourselves if we can be receptive to truth. I glimpse flashes of colour in you now and then

that tell me , a second coming in you, is immanent, and you will be a gift to the world if you can just persevere and keep searching.

Hope you got the hot water bottles going. Man best kept secret.

Please go easy @EternalFlower . tonys

@Shaz51 @Oaktree @StuF @tyme And all . Hope the happy thoughts surround you as another day is lived. tonys

Hi @tonys hope ur doing ok in the hopsital. Is it quiet on the weekend?

Thanks for the reminder, I do have a kmart hot water bottle somewhere and the cold bed needs it.

It is true the coldest days are behind, in material and emotional ways

I have been accepted to get a bed in a ward this week and am unsure if i will take it . I think they are hard to come by but im taking a pause to see what i truly need. Many conflicting thoughts.

@EternalFlower It can be difficult to move from the mindset when we feel that we are wrong somehow, to realising someone else made the mistake.

I like @tonys tip re keeping records in a diary. I do just my planner, but I note outcomes and put in ticks when all went to plan.

I liked Lionel Corbetts... focus that psychosis can be a form of of the mind going through its own healing. Suggesting serious delusional aspects common in psychosis ... could be a personn dealing with their unconscious. When I look at my siblings and my state ward files and the comments they made about my father, it is very sad. Such narrow misinterpretations of things he said. Anyway when I listen to that stuff I reflect ... on it from different angles. When that doctor asked if my son had psychotic symptoms ... I responded with ... whats psychotic ... so I am challenging gently. If my son said that they would put it down to him being difficult. As a carer I try to put his circumstances in a more human perspective than pathologising ... though I knew he was unwell a few years ago.

I hope you find good supports from NDIS to help direct you towards recovery and achieving goals you desire.

Hey tonys hang in there ... mate ...they need you back on the ranch ,,,,

While its on offer @EternalFlower I would definatley take that bed. A door has opened. You can always walk back out. Curiosity would compel me through it.. Who might you meet, what might you learn, ? I know they are not holiday places, but its about exposing yourself to networks that may leed to other doors. Questioning and the pursuit of betterment can not be done from within the bunker.

Charge , fall , retreat, get up and charge again, until we recapture the sacred ground that is a

fulfilling life.

I won't mention they may have a better heater too... opps

Try go to sleep with the makings of a little smile. goodnight Eternal tonys mb 1

Hi @Appleblossom When Dr Corbett's talked about dreaming while your awake. That put in in perspective for me. Dreams are a way of the mind reorganising and reordering the upstairs office

Im led to believe. Being in a nightmare while your walking a city block. I struggle to think of anything more

horrifying. Care in the best hands in a safe secure place would be critical. any thing less and we have another news headline.

I do think its very lucky your son has a mum that can, and does seek out, and fully comprehend such complex knowledge. It cutting edge research and to be honest, it take be many revisits to fully grasp

these concepts, and how I now view and rethink much of what I have seen in my life.

Think back to the great wars, famines and hardships through the ages, and the long term impacts on millions that couldnt benefit from this growing knowledge. Lobotomy and tragedy. Thats society without education, wisdom and caring.

Yes well the NDIS, I think on it some times and feel a bit guilty and spoilt. When plotted on a graph

next to history, I fell on the right side of the time line. Well, I promise you I will not waste a bit of the wonderful gift it has been for me. I don't think about weather it will last. Just maximizing the effort put into me..

So... An undiscovered tribe that has never been exposed to religion. What would a psychotic episode be like for them. I guess the mind even in total isolation, is wired to foster from its primitive core, a god and a demon to give the minds existence an edge to its universe and, a hope beyond.

Give me a bit... and then would you mind terribly sending me another dog eared, wise old friend of yours. Thanks @Appleblossom Kind thoughts tonys