Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower

Good to hear from you. Its no good that people in general and your doctor in particular are not able to allow you to be genuine and give the support you need. I am currently thinking through my so called medical "team". It is not good when they are oblivious to damage done or services not delivered when they are taking tax money and/or personal monies. The best thing I hope YOU take from the experience is that more of the strength is in your own inner self. That idea of locus of power. I tended to give my power away without realising and still do a lot, but getting better at trusting my instinct. I had been put down a lot and it took a long time to feel my instinct or "gut" as @tonys might say, is telling me things. Finally I am learning to tease it all out ... a bit like @LeChuck may be meaning when he says he is trying to organise his thoughts. Still sometimes dumbstruck and cannot articulate myself vocally. Had a moment last night socialising were my mouth was open... like a fish ... and nothing came out ... lol ... always a work in progress. Luckily those people were not too harsh with me ...

There are different duties of care for the medical team and the general populace. I do not want to keep changing my 'team' and not giving them feedback about how disappointed I am in certain things that have happened. I am also frightened that if I bring stuff up, I will be blamed. They should not get away with failing and still being paid high rates, cos they passed an exam a long time ago. It is supposed to be a service. Still chewing on it all.

Thanks for your offer of support. I really do believe it is about give and take, and we have that. It can also help to spread the load. The idea of a bestie who carries everything and is always there has not been my experience. It gets too laden with expectation. A long time ago I did training in group dynamics and theory and believe it can be productive and work for people, so I do put a lot of energy into this forum for that purpose.

A most heartfelt letter for me to find dear friend @tonys

I will respond on other thread to keep the flow here for Eternal flower.

@EternalFlower

Thank you also for several tags.

I love your including me that is a beautiful action on your part when you are struggling with so much.

I have written a whole novella (looked this up as I usually state novel, tongue in cheek)

Do you like words Eternal Flower?

I love words and I find they can help bring me out of a dark place as they are a good distraction.

They draw my attention and hold my focus.

They take me away from my mind.

I am a strange bird and I am okay with this.

I can see that you are a questioner. So am I, much to the annoyance of people especially those who are always rushed.

I think that you are anything but boring.

You write about dreadful experiences and outcomes in mental health systems that I have encountered when trying to help my son at the same time allowing him autonomy and privacy.

An impossible endeavour.

You write the truth.

You are so real in what is becoming more and more a fake world.

You are becoming stronger after each setback even though you need the time to rest from such draining experiences.

I can read between your words your growth in strength and determination to fight for your health.

You are a beautiful person and your friends here supporting you ongoing is testament to that.

You at the same time reach out to others.

You have empathy and are a giver, a listener.

You are not an egotist, you are a realist.

You actually have emotional strength that is growing more and more.

Please rest in between.

Please believe in you which is so very hard to do. I am still working on this one.

I will never give up.

Your friends are not giving up.

Stay the journey with us and show the world that you are needed and wanted.

You have much to offer.

Sorry

I did say novella

I cannot be on here often apart from my own struggles with external family and self.

I also have computer issues.

I will get back to you when I can if you would like that.

I hope that I am not too intense for you. That is my concern.

I believe that you are beautiful.

Sophia1

@Sophia1 @Appleblossom @LeChuck @tonys @Shaz51

I am feeling a teenu bit better and i read ur messages...

@Appleblossom ur insight is beautiful...how was ur weekend, compared to last..

@tonys that was a beautiful message....

@LeChuck i absolutely loved your insight and lived experience tips and i cant believe how you manage to speak to exactly what im going through so yes please keep sharing as much as you feel comfortable. Im here for u and care

@Sophia1 i love words but cant always put them together. i really want u to keep wrting here if u wish to ❣️❤️

@Appleblossom that is completely true what you said its a big fight for human rights but maybe, one day, we win?

I am so sick of substandard care and making excuses.

I think we have to protect ourselves by not being too easily forgiving and i know exactly what u mean about not speaking up or not having that voice because we are designed to judt go along with so many things...until we just cant. Until being silent is just not an option anymore

@EternalFlower

Yes Just being brief atm, but you said "protecting ourselves". To me thats spot on, not being foolishly forgiving. Each situation has its own circs, and we try and be honest and accepting and grateful ... but there are limits.

Thank you @Appleblossom x

Haha @EternalFlower you're getting so strong and competent you're going to outgrow my tips pretty soon!

How are you doing?

X LeChuck

@EternalFlower

I was also meaning ... protecting oneself from those professional so-called "supports". There may always be a random gem ... and keep an eye out for them ...lol

Sorry, my rhyming problem ...lol

@Sophia1 i feel like i do need that rest at times to remind myself this is hard hard work. I appreciate you.

@LeChuck i feel kinda good i think im just scared...but i also feel like i kinda got this. Some things i cant deal with yet but some things ive been checking off lists. I feel in between. I am meant to meet with soemone today and i called it off but kinda regretting it. Im not sure What's too much.

How are you doing? Xx

@Appleblossom i totally get what u mean and am looking out for those 💎