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Trying makes it worse

Trying makes it worse

Hi,

I'm EternalFlower and I've been feeling completely overwhelmed, sad, and pessimistic.

I've tried and been a responsible patient and person, reaching out to various services when I started feeling scarily anxious and suicidal, 2 years back..

My Dr is new, a young guy who regularly admits he's inexperienced, and aside from some good jokes, he actually does very little

I notice how easy it is to blame myself that I don't feel better, a total shame spiral, but I wander if my treatments just are bad....

I wanted to chat and hear anyone and hope I can use this space to help not feel so alone.

Thanks xxx EternalFlower

2606 replies

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In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

@Former-Member the way I feel right now is that I just want to go to sleep & never wake up. I don't think I'm suicidal. Exhausted.

If I didn't have his Mum in my life - I don't know what I would do. She is a great support.

She is just as worried , probably more, as I am about him.

She has been trying desperately, alongside me to get him help. We both feel very distressed & lost about it all.

I think we are good supports for one another. It is difficult for people to understand. I have heard so many times, including from professionals ', why don't you just leave him.?'

Her & I have both felt this way too.

I guess my ultimate response to that is - why don't you just support us?

💚☮️

In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @maddison

Its New Dawn here I'm one of the moderators tonight, I can really hear your concern for your friend !, its great you're reaching out in being able to express how understandably distressing this is. I get a sense that through talking your making sense of what has been different in the past re your friend and their CM seeing the space your flatmate is in.

We have sent you an email, just in regards to your own personal safety at this time, as this is a priority.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @maddison that sounds terrible

Are the catt team coming today or tomorrow? Why won't they listen or believe?

I hope u get heard by them and somehow they believe he needs hospital and do what rhey can to facilitate it.

I'm really sorry for Ur experience.

Safe is the word they seem to like, but I see what u mean, it is a weird and confusing measure of how scary an experience is.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thankyou @EternalFlower 💜 it really wasn't my intention to lay all these problems on the lovely people in this thread. I deliberately didn't tag anyone besides from PSW because I think the problems are too big & I would never expect members to support me in these issues.

I think I wrote it all more as a vent /attack against the system.

It's not as easy as walking away from it all. I get that, if people are not exposed to complex mental health everyday, then it is very difficult to understand the complexities. From the outside it is easy to say - 'oh you just need to find somewhere else to live.' (& yeh professionals share this mindset too Undoubtedly, if my life were different - I would share the same ignorance.)

Many carers & loved ones of people with complex MH end up doing that.(walking away)

It doesn't change anything really though. Maybe I would get more peaceful days & that would be lovely. My friend would still have schizophrenia.

No, it's not my job to support him. I do it because I can. I'm really good at it. It makes me proud of him & myself to see that we are living proof that a solution to mental health exists.

Of course I have my boundaries. Drug use being a big deal breaker for me.

My victim mentality falls mainly on gaps in the medical system. There are huge ones, like we are currently experiencing (delays in surgery is another one - that is completely unacceptable).

Then there are smaller gaps that are pernicious. Maybe attitudes, small words said - that have no right to be said. And that is from trained professionals. I don't mean general public.

It's all a silly game & dance we have to play. Be polite, kind, know your place. Most of the time I'm an expert at the first two!

Every now& then I need a really big vent.

I am ultimately really happy in my life.

I can get so disillusioned by the lack of support, or 'innapropiate ' support - from time to time & eventually the steam blows the lid off the pot!!

I suspect that there are many carers, family members that want to be part of loved ones life who is suffering - they just don't know how. Much mental health is resolved by connection. If professionals could see their role from the perspective of the important part they play in facilitating already existing connections within a person's life, I believe much could change. There does not need to be a 'power differential.'

For example - triage coming for home visits. This is small solution that can make big difference in helping patient feel safe. Often (always) I am excluded in these visits.

So many unnecessary punches - I feel like I have to roll with.

The same with the phone calls when you get released from hospital. It's like the tiniest thing. Why is it too much to ask that the voice on the other end is genuinely involved?

Mental health is not the patients, or carers problem - we are only symptoms - & / or trying to overcome impossible symptoms.

It really hurts - when treatment does not involve care.

xx

Thankyou for checking in on me💜💚

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hey all,

If there was tension here that is hard for everyone.. upsetting to feel not good here.

I've been keeping to myself a bit , my dr said it's ok for me to eat meals separately to the ppl here because I don't feel comfortable, one guy in particular, upset me,

He was talking about how hot all or certain nurses are and then said he has a fave type of giro ans that she has to a certain size ckothes number or less. I was like...ugh. no...how gross,

There are some nice women here, though.

I hope everyone is ok @maddison @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Am still up tonight after an exhausting day in hospital

Was woken up so many times this morning by diff staff for admin questions...so silly

Have explained I need to take it easy in the early hours. They start bothering you at 7 Am.

Hope all are well

@Appleblossom @maddison @TAB @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hope you are ok @EternalFlower

Thanks for saying hello. I appreciate you mentioning tension in the thread. I am so sorry that my actions upset you.

I am still having lots of trouble coping, I won't write too much because I don't want to say the wrong thing & cause anyone to feel upset.

I will do my best in the future to keep things tension free here.

You are right, this is a safe space for everyone & that is what is most important.

Sorry again.

That sounds horrible about the boys in hospital. I would be uncomfortable as well. Very good that you can eat your food away from them.

7am is early start! Wow. Good that you could express what works best for you.

I hope you are being listened to & getting the help & support you need at this time.

Thankyou for supporting me xx

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