HappynessSenior Contributor
Relief from suffering
Hi
I'll introduce myself
It's Happyness
How are you
Info on relief from symtoms?
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Relief from suffering
164 replies
In response to: Relief from suffering
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
Separation Sickness
What's that
Do I have insight
And what is it
What's that
Do I have insight
And what is it
In response to: Re: Relief from suffering
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
Separation sickness could be a form of general insecurity, low self esteem and social anxiety, or they could all be part of it. I was a very insecure only child and used to be very upset when separated from my parents, even though there was a lot of trauma within the family too.
I am still very prone to social anxiety as an adult but have slowly developed some ways of presenting myself to the world and learning how to interract in a way that is less traumatic. Part of it may be recognising that at some levels we are all the same, struggling with insecurities and self esteem in all different ways, whether diagnosed with mental illness or not. I used to look down on 'small talk'. Now I find it reassuring to be able to sometimes relate to people on this simple level and feel a sense of achievement that I can have these small victories over my social anxiety.
The other thing that might be worth mentioning is that I am sometimes prone to negative generalisations about people. For example, 'they will all hate me because of <insert any reason>'. A couple of quotes that sometimes help me with this are:
'Most people don't think about us very much at all.'
'What other people think of me is none of my business.'
This may or may not be helpful. I like the poetic way you write in this thread, @Happyness. At another time I may be able to respond in a way that is less long-winded and more like your elegant words.
In response to: Re: Relief from suffering
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
I really liked the care and clarity of your response @Mazarita
Yes @Happyness's poetic qualities are great.
But I think it can be important to include both ways of thinking and writing.
cheers to you both
In response to: Relief from suffering
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
Is Separation Sickness
Shock And Trauma
From the 9/11 Disaster In New York
Shock And Trauma
From the 9/11 Disaster In New York
In response to: Relief from suffering
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
I purchased a book on
Grief and Loss
But feel.intimidated to look at it yet
Grief and Loss
But feel.intimidated to look at it yet
In response to: Re: Relief from suffering
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
Let your own process be your guide .. when you are ready the book may give a few ideas .. there are some patterns to grief but we are all unique
In response to: Relief from suffering
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
save us
In response to: Relief from suffering
JystmeSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
@Happyness
Grief is such a personal journey. It's damn AWEFUL - but a process we all have to go through.
There are 5 stages of grief and everyone goes through them.
Maybe not in the same order NOR in the same time span than others.
Intimidated is really DENIAL - it's just one of the stages you are going through
5 STAGES OF GRIEF
Denial & Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
It's ONLY when you get to ACCEPTANCE that you heal.
You will recognise the stages when you are going through them now that you know there are 5 STAGES.
It's life it's what happens to us. It's bloody aweful. But a part of living & dying.
Only you will know when you process your own stages and when you have completed each one & moved to the other.
I found some tnjes I had 2 at the same time ANGER & DENIAL, or ANGER & DEPRESSION. It was my mum passing that rocked my whole world. I did not care about anything. I was in GRIEF so badly I was physically sick.
I bargained to GOD, I denied she was gone. Then I got angry with her for leaving me. I was missing her so much it felt like my insides were being pulled out of my belly button. This pain lasted 9 months.
All I can say us grief does end. I can't promise you when. Mine lasted 2 years for mum. The pain never goes away but ou can operate normally & have most of the days of the year pain free. But you wool have moments of sadness & a missing-ness, that comes at times. But, the PAIN is not as bad, it's acceptable levels.
Take care on your journey. And it's OKAY TO CRY. Trust me ❤️ Sending love
Grief is such a personal journey. It's damn AWEFUL - but a process we all have to go through.
There are 5 stages of grief and everyone goes through them.
Maybe not in the same order NOR in the same time span than others.
Intimidated is really DENIAL - it's just one of the stages you are going through
5 STAGES OF GRIEF
Denial & Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
It's ONLY when you get to ACCEPTANCE that you heal.
You will recognise the stages when you are going through them now that you know there are 5 STAGES.
It's life it's what happens to us. It's bloody aweful. But a part of living & dying.
Only you will know when you process your own stages and when you have completed each one & moved to the other.
I found some tnjes I had 2 at the same time ANGER & DENIAL, or ANGER & DEPRESSION. It was my mum passing that rocked my whole world. I did not care about anything. I was in GRIEF so badly I was physically sick.
I bargained to GOD, I denied she was gone. Then I got angry with her for leaving me. I was missing her so much it felt like my insides were being pulled out of my belly button. This pain lasted 9 months.
All I can say us grief does end. I can't promise you when. Mine lasted 2 years for mum. The pain never goes away but ou can operate normally & have most of the days of the year pain free. But you wool have moments of sadness & a missing-ness, that comes at times. But, the PAIN is not as bad, it's acceptable levels.
Take care on your journey. And it's OKAY TO CRY. Trust me ❤️ Sending love
In response to: Relief from suffering
JystmeSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
@Happiness Guess what, stigma.. Attacks and non understanding, high expectations & no care is given to one who us ALSO at the TOP of their game. A high achiever, a female CEO who started an industry here in Australia & New Zealand.
People are cruel. Even IF you are loved by the masses, there ARE people cutting you down all the time..
Yes, you try so much. So did I and probably so has all of us here.
Here are MY words of wisdom for what it's worth. WE CARE TOO MUCH.
When you have a chance consider this. Contemplate how much care you give to others.
Ask yourself do they appreciate it? Or are they so oblivious (the family I mean)., as if, example you feel like they treat you as if it IS EXPECTED of you to do all you do??
Are you self sacrificing?
Are you trying TOO HARD to be liked and understood, or cared for and loved?
WELL. You won't get it from these people.
You are hurting but they don't see that you are. They are not sensitive enough to read your eyes or your head. Or to FEEL your pain??
STUFF them.
DO NOT SEEK APPROVAL from others. They do not approve of themselves therefore they CAN NOT give you any approval.
I speak from a position of being broken and no one has cared or looked after me from when I broke 18 June 2014. No one cares. No one approves of my behaviour nor cares enough to ASK if I am alive or dead. My ONE TRUE friend, Paul, my ex husband. After we broke we both decided a year later that our friendship can not die, just our romantic relationship is over. We split in 2008.. He dropped everything and came to my home & looked after me. I would surly have died due to nothingness. I was in no man's land.
In disassociation, there IS nothing. No thought nor feeling. Nor hunger nor sleepiness (I think) I'm not sure what I did in there.
But it was Paul who came and made sure I ate. And made sure I went to bed, told me when to wake.
And Ilm ALSO SPEAKING (from the memory of BEING one of the top female leaders. AN ALPHA FEMALE, not easily intimidated and a power house mic named; Pocket Rocket..,
I also performed our TV ads. That's A WHOLE other story of ADULATION from the wide public THEN; the most disgusting things said by TROLLS who just have to BAG you, denigrate you. Rubbish YOU. But, the professionals. And business people and the TH stars who would WANT to talk to me.... never denigrated me nor belittled me. They were ALWAYS so positive to me.
SEE,?
It's NOT you, it's the people who are around you. Do not look to them for any love, care, praise or approval.
BUT find approval OF YOU, inside you.. And BE aloof to them. They ARE not worthy of your time or care..
I KNOW you are caring because you hurt so much.
The old saying; You TEACH people how to treat you.
You've been kind when they have been horrible to you. So, they are trained no matter what they DO, you will still be there.
so DO NOT REQARD BAD BEHAVIOUR.
Sadly people are like dogs. They are trained by the circumstances around them.
So, do dog training. They behave badly - do not do that next thing you were going to DO. Even if (say you promised to pick up the nephews & neices this Saturday).. It may be Wed. that they behaved badly to you. You do a LOUDIBLE, huff at them. Give them THE LOOK. A look of disapproval.
Remember your teacher at school IF you didn't do your home work and she's found out?? THAT look.
Then the next day., call your bother or sister and say; "look, I can't make this Saturday to pick up the kids. I just remembered I had booked to go out with friends"
They will know you are lying. AND YOU want them to know you are lying.
Say; "do apologise to the kids for me"
They will jump up and down & try & maje you feel guilty.
THATS when the "white glove - slap them in the face ever so gently". BUT it will BE like they got hit by a Mac Truck. When you say this;
"Look, I only remembered last night that my friends ARE nice, they actually appreciate my company. The way YOU behaved last night ." ...and fill in the blanks..
SO; stand up for you. Keep your dignity and do not allow anyone to take it from you.
And just know; your family IS not blood relations. It is those that LOVE you for you and want YOU in their life..
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. So tell yourself so. And take very good care of you first. 🙏
People are cruel. Even IF you are loved by the masses, there ARE people cutting you down all the time..
Yes, you try so much. So did I and probably so has all of us here.
Here are MY words of wisdom for what it's worth. WE CARE TOO MUCH.
When you have a chance consider this. Contemplate how much care you give to others.
Ask yourself do they appreciate it? Or are they so oblivious (the family I mean)., as if, example you feel like they treat you as if it IS EXPECTED of you to do all you do??
Are you self sacrificing?
Are you trying TOO HARD to be liked and understood, or cared for and loved?
WELL. You won't get it from these people.
You are hurting but they don't see that you are. They are not sensitive enough to read your eyes or your head. Or to FEEL your pain??
STUFF them.
DO NOT SEEK APPROVAL from others. They do not approve of themselves therefore they CAN NOT give you any approval.
I speak from a position of being broken and no one has cared or looked after me from when I broke 18 June 2014. No one cares. No one approves of my behaviour nor cares enough to ASK if I am alive or dead. My ONE TRUE friend, Paul, my ex husband. After we broke we both decided a year later that our friendship can not die, just our romantic relationship is over. We split in 2008.. He dropped everything and came to my home & looked after me. I would surly have died due to nothingness. I was in no man's land.
In disassociation, there IS nothing. No thought nor feeling. Nor hunger nor sleepiness (I think) I'm not sure what I did in there.
But it was Paul who came and made sure I ate. And made sure I went to bed, told me when to wake.
And Ilm ALSO SPEAKING (from the memory of BEING one of the top female leaders. AN ALPHA FEMALE, not easily intimidated and a power house mic named; Pocket Rocket..,
I also performed our TV ads. That's A WHOLE other story of ADULATION from the wide public THEN; the most disgusting things said by TROLLS who just have to BAG you, denigrate you. Rubbish YOU. But, the professionals. And business people and the TH stars who would WANT to talk to me.... never denigrated me nor belittled me. They were ALWAYS so positive to me.
SEE,?
It's NOT you, it's the people who are around you. Do not look to them for any love, care, praise or approval.
BUT find approval OF YOU, inside you.. And BE aloof to them. They ARE not worthy of your time or care..
I KNOW you are caring because you hurt so much.
The old saying; You TEACH people how to treat you.
You've been kind when they have been horrible to you. So, they are trained no matter what they DO, you will still be there.
so DO NOT REQARD BAD BEHAVIOUR.
Sadly people are like dogs. They are trained by the circumstances around them.
So, do dog training. They behave badly - do not do that next thing you were going to DO. Even if (say you promised to pick up the nephews & neices this Saturday).. It may be Wed. that they behaved badly to you. You do a LOUDIBLE, huff at them. Give them THE LOOK. A look of disapproval.
Remember your teacher at school IF you didn't do your home work and she's found out?? THAT look.
Then the next day., call your bother or sister and say; "look, I can't make this Saturday to pick up the kids. I just remembered I had booked to go out with friends"
They will know you are lying. AND YOU want them to know you are lying.
Say; "do apologise to the kids for me"
They will jump up and down & try & maje you feel guilty.
THATS when the "white glove - slap them in the face ever so gently". BUT it will BE like they got hit by a Mac Truck. When you say this;
"Look, I only remembered last night that my friends ARE nice, they actually appreciate my company. The way YOU behaved last night ." ...and fill in the blanks..
SO; stand up for you. Keep your dignity and do not allow anyone to take it from you.
And just know; your family IS not blood relations. It is those that LOVE you for you and want YOU in their life..
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. So tell yourself so. And take very good care of you first. 🙏
In response to: Relief from suffering
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: Relief from suffering
Jystme
Thank you for your kind words
First it was denial and isolation
And
Now its anger
And I'm not proud of it
Thank you for your kind words
First it was denial and isolation
And
Now its anger
And I'm not proud of it
