Still here, still safe.

Been missing you. I've also been a bit insecure about posting.

Did you really notice I wasn't around, @wellwellwellnez? Thank you. I notice when others aren't around too and sometimes send out enquiries, but I was feeling rather forgotten.

So you've been feeling insecure about posting too? It's tough when we have to keep it all bottled up and can't express ourselves. Are you alright?

Your reply was very gratefully received. We sure have some heavy loads around here, don't we?

Hey @Historylover

Hey @wellwellwellnez

Sometimes I actively miss people, and other times I get a big feeling of "oh so glad they are back". I have been online on this forum a long time, and it def takes something to put out and post and be part of it and be remembered.

Glad you are both here, and finding ways to post regardless of the limitations of the guidelines..

I have had long periods of relentless Suicidal ideation. It is cripppling.

Lately I am more able NOT to let it take over, but knock it back ... back in ya box mate ... to that voice of doubt and the temptation of an easy end ...

So nice to hear from you @Appleblossom. I've been wondering about you and your guerilla garden lately and wondering how it is going.

I'm pleased you've been successful keeping things under control, @Appleblossom. Keep it up. I'm doing my best but not doing as well as you. You live quite close by and I'd love to be able to drop in for a coffee, and be dropped in on by any of the forumites who also live close by. We have become 'old friends' here, but can not meet. It's unfortunate. It could be so beneficial for us all.

You're both hitting the nail @Historylover and @Appleblossom . Expression is everything. Weird thoughts are normal. Suppression is bonkers (Can I say bonkers? Should I say bonkers? That's an interesting guideline question. I'm feeling it's pretty okay in it's current context, but maybe I should be worried about floodgate scenarios. Hmmmmm.)

You can say bonkers @wellwellwellnez. And yes, expression is everything. I personally don't find others'expression of suicidal wishes to be triggering even though I spend most of my time there myself. I just wish there was something I could do. But maybe that's just me.

@Appleblossom, I've just spent a considerable time looking through your album. After a while, it made me feel so shallow, so empty. I am wondering if there is a quality I have never had or if I have lost it along the way by my experiences or by people's treatment of me. And how do I get it back? Your album shows such a complete soul.

@Historylover @Appleblossom I've never really dove deep when it comes to the evidence behind what's considered best practice. I can see potential for slippery slopes on a variety of subjects.

I may attempt to go deep one of these days, it's actually going to be coming up in a school unit this coming semester. A very nuanced subject, is my guess.

Also feels worth saying that best-best-practice doesn't just account for what works most of the time, but also accounts for outliers. We're all outliers in one scenario or another.

S

Thanks for your support, @Appleblossom but I have deleted this earlier post about the youtube video. I think my stress level may be taking over. The other one stands unchanged.

@wellwellwellnez

I find many of your posts really unique and they resonate well for me. Give me a smile. Thanks. I see you as a lot more expressive than I, as you have integrated a lot of thought to come up with the phrases you do. But I guess its not a competition. Its great to be different and still connect.

@Historylover I would love to meet you and will be keeping my eyes and ears open in case we do.

The guerilla garden loves this monsoon weather, as respite from the heat. Put in an agave and some red hot pokers plus ... robust and hardy ... I tell them "you have to survive cos life is tough in Australia".

Please do not compare or turn anything into a self judgment. Early on when I joined the forum, someone was sharing from the Artstack which was a fantastic library of art. I was finding good ways of being online. I resisted being online for a long time, before joined here. I whiled away many hours on that site and reconnected with my visual art side. It was hugely important and healing for me. People in our family had often gone in either the music or art direction, and it was good to indulge my love of art and learn and share. I was still in luddite mode and focussed on painting rather than photography or animation. The site has stopped so I am so glad many of my favourite pictures are still available to me on the Sane forum. I do not draw or paint much, but immersing myself in art was gentle, and a good way of making small choices ... eg I like this ... or I like that ... really I was so screwed up ... I had mjor issues with the word "like" and "home" ... so things like face book and most sites .... messed with my head ... the art calmed me down ... I should do more of it again.... looking I mean.

I was telling off an old therapist just the other day ... ha ha ... in my head ....

With what I have gone through I feel more and more totally weird and extreme ...