New meds making me feel sick

Hi @Former-Member@Decadian@utopia

Finally got some sleep at some ridiculous hour. Then awake again at 3am then again at 5.30am and then 7am. have to get ready for work but i am dragging myself this morning with a huge headache.

The meds that I take at night for nightmares and blood pressure are meant to be drowsy but they do NOT make me drowsy at all, in fact i am more awake these last few weeks than ever before.

So that's another thing to add to my list to tell my stupid psychiatrist.

Maybe i just need to take some sleeping tablets??

My GP is away today until Tuesday.

I don't want to go to work but have no choice. If i don't go i don't get paid. i hate this - being stuck. can't do things because of others things.

i need to just go anywhere, away, far far away. just on my own.

i hate this i can't do this anymore. i am crying because i am so damn tired. can't do anything right ever.

oh gosh so many emotions this mroning, negative things in my head.

i don't know what else to do. so glad today is friday.

I'm sending lots of virtual hugs @BlueBay

You have lots of things dragging and nagging at you right now - and I know - it's more than just the annoying psyche and the other one who decided you were in the too hard basket - there's your MIL and your blood pressure and the social pressure and at the bottom on the well - your mother and her hard-hearted behaviour - something I really do get

Yes - at times I count my tribulations - far more interesting than counting my blessings - and actually - when I do count the things I am battling I have a better idea of why I feel so bad - and I have a very logical mind so having a good look at the hard parts - I can then count my blessings if I feel so inclined - and maybe they are the constants in my life - like my logical mind - but I think that we need to be aware of just what we have bugging us and trying to keep things in some kind of balance

But for you right now things are wwwwwaaaayyyyyy out of balance - and not getting easier - although you seem stronger - you have a better idea of what is draining you

But I can tell you something - I know it well and so does @Former-Member - getting away on your own will not be likely to help - I am on my own a lot - and when things are bad that is not the answer. And if I go away on my own - and I do - and I am planning to again - there is still the same person with the same problems waiting at my destination - me - and I have come apart when I am away - luckily I have rung Life LIne interstate - luckily I take my mobile phone with me but before that I ran on a public phone - getting away on your own isn't what it's cracked up to be -

But I do understand

You're stuck

I have a strong feeling that when you see the new psychologist you will find things much better - and I am really banking my hopes for you on that.

Sending more hugs

Dec ❤💕💔

Take it easy @BlueBay

Get some rest tonight - see how you feel tomorrow

Virtual hugs

Dec

@Decadian@utopia@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member and anyone else reading

I so need a group hug

just came back from my session with my regular therapist who i will stop seeing in a few weeks time. it is so damn hard to leave each time. i cried driving home beause i will miss my sessions with him. He has been so good to me.

I spoke about not sleeping and he said I need to do more of - breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation and not get caught up iwth my negative mind being angry and frustrated.

I told him that therapy won't be the same anymore and he said that i don't know that.

a whole lot of me is to blame because i don't know if i want to get better, that is so bad, be3cause it is familaar and getting better and not knowing is scary. it is so stupid of me to even say that.

i wish i had done more before because then i wouldn't lose my therapist. i just never learn.

abandonment is so horrible, it hurts so much.

home alone, it's raining so much, can't do anything.

ps. i am so sorry about last night, not chatting to anyone. I don't know what i wanted, a hug, a chat, to be alone, to SH.

i am such a self centred person who only thinks of myself. i am so sorry to everyone.

i asked my therapist if i would get better and his reply was - if i do what i need to do i would get better. so easy to say, but so much harder to do.

Right now I don't care about anything.

My life sucks, i hate myself for not doing more of what i should have done to keep my therapist.

It's my own fault and no one else is to blame.

I mess everything up all the time.