inconsistent behaviour

Thank you, I would love to tag you if I knew how to do that. Navigating a new site is not my fortay .

Hi @Herewegoround ,

To tag someone, type ‘@‘ in front of their name choose from the pop-up or drop down list of names.

@Daisydreamer , I believe a previous message was for you.

@Herewegoround , I can really resonate with your daughter’s behaviour. You seem to be describing the former ‘me’! I was angry, hostile, raging one moment, and endearing the next….

Have you know, these behaviours were only seen by those I loved and cared for most. I absolutely held it together at work and this was why my dear ones often said, “I know you can control it - you can do it at work so why don’t you do the same for us?” In actual fact, these words destroyed me - I really couldn’t control it. As you mentioned, your daughter is battling her own ‘demons’ as was I.

The safest thing for you to probably do is set clear boundaries for yourself eg when she is hostile, I will walk away.

Look after yourself. You probably feel you are walking on eggshells not knowing when one will crack. There is help out there for you. Do you have any formal supports for yourself such as a counsellor or psychologist?

Take care. I’ll check in with you again,

BPDSurvivor

@shaza51 this evening in not good. I was out all day. She was not well yesterday and it was all “ the only person I want to speak to when I’m sick is my mum. Today she is angry She is watching her anima and when I returned home I knocked on the door to see how she was and to tell about my day. She looked like I should go die in a corner.

Later I took the cat to the vet I did not make the same mistake of trying to engage. Eventually I called her name and she came out . Stiff body language all the time heading back to her room. I made the mistake of asking if I could tell her about something the vet had suggested. She came to the door and growled “ can you just leave me alone”. I haven’t been here all day.

Again it’s not me that’s troubling her but she see I want her to stay and talk and that doesn’t put things on her term so she does the opposite. I sit here and cry waiting for tomorrow and what that day will bring. If she see me cry she will get angry.

@shaza51 this evening in not good. I was out all day. She was not well yesterday and it was all “ the only person I want to speak to when I’m sick is my mum. Today she is angry She is watching her anima and when I returned home I knocked on the door to see how she was and to tell about my day. She looked like I should go die in a corner.

Later I took the cat to the vet I did not make the same mistake of trying to engage. Eventually I called her name and she came out . Stiff body language all the time heading back to her room. I made the mistake of asking if I could tell her about something the vet had suggested. She came to the door and growled “ can you just leave me alone”. I haven’t been here all day.

Again it’s not me that’s troubling her but she sees I want her to stay and talk and that doesn’t put things on her term so she does the opposite. I sit here and cry waiting for tomorrow and what that day will bring. If she sees me cry she will get angry, that is her way.

Something is wrong. My guess the date she organised for tomorrow has problems. She’ll eventually tell me. It all seems so unfair, I’m not allowed to talk to her until she is ready everything has to be on her terms😢

Ohh my @Herewegoround , soo hard my friend

Sitting with you my friend xx

I amm finding it hard with my elderly mum who has undiagnosed dementia

@Jynx xx

@Herewegoround

When you put a @ up it will come up with some names @BPDSurvivor , @Ret73 , @Appleblossom

Thank you @Jynx Nice to have you with me. Dealing with dementia ,that would be hard. Sending a big hug

@Ret73 @Herewegoround @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Daisydreamer

I would like a little thing to this conversation. I'm seeing the logic in viewing this from a narcissism perspective, but while we're taking educated guesses on the circumstance, I'd advocate for looking at the dynamic from an avoidance perspective as well.

What I mean is, it might be at least partially spurned by the insecurities that can come up in situations of dependence. In a bit of a knee jerk attachment theory advocate these days. Now I see it in myself, I look for it everywhere.

The real picture could be a mix of the two and probably some other things as well. They're both uncommon disorders but pretty common traits (especially these days).

Either way, use some needs based approaches and lots of "I feel..." statements when communication happens. You'll both get there.

Hi @Shaz51 , I believe the message above was for you.

Sitting with you @Herewegoround . Please take care at this time. I don’t believe these ‘attacks’ from your daughter are targeted at you. I feel there are things she’s really struggling with.

Main thing is for now is that you do things as part of your own self care.

Please continue to reach out and ask questions if you are struggling to navigate the forums or anything else. It’s a great community here and I’m sure many will be more than willing to help you.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor