Children not communicating

@Fluffyclouds

I hope you have a really good support team who do understand the difficulties you are facing. Being a mum and being cut off from our children is extremely difficult.

YES. You have given them enough time. Yes, dont stop reaching out. I constantly reached through a similar wall for 10 years with my daughter ... before I finally started to protect myself from her immature and incomplete understanding of the issues in our family dynamic.

Maybe, reach out with less urgency .. remember the milestone events and birthdays ... but start a life for you.

It is probably no coincidence that it is the youngest who still has contact with you. That is the same as in my situation. I certainly did not favour him over my daughters but that is the game that is pretended ...

Good Luck

It feels as though the whole trip has been in vain. I know this is not true, since my son is actually talking to me, at least on the phone. I feel I'm on trial for things I have done or not done for the past 30+ years. He just has no idea how DV works.

I haven't felt so alone and lonely for a long time now. The whole wretched past is passing in front of my eyes again and I'm walking as though on eggshells. It feels as though I'm reliving the lot.

On the one hand I so hope that there will be a better understanding by the time I leave on Wednesday; on the other I'm looking forward to be home again. Feeling like that feels as though I'm betraying my son and the grandkids. The responsibility weighs me down.

I feel helpless and hopeless.

Thank you for your kind words @Fluffyclouds. Both children have experienced and witnessed the DV, but they blame me for it. They simply don't understand that an abuser can muddy the waters and come out brilliantly clean. I am being accused of everything X did to them and I can't respond; I have to listen. I simply don't know that I have the stamina to do that. For one I'd need more time and I'd need support here. And then I don't know whether my son believes me. I fear he doesn't. My daughter is not responding in any way shape or form and silent treatment is at least as bad.

We might meet on Sunday, perhaps, if he finds time. He tells me he hasn't had the time to plan for my visit. He's known six months before I came. I can't understand it, surely six months is enough time to plan for some dinners together. It sounds more like a lame excuse. But then that's only my perception. What really hurts is that I'm considered to be a danger to my grandchildren, so he needs to be there as well. Therefore, I can't pick them up from childcare together with the au pair and spend time with them that way.

I have the sense I can't to anything that will even remotely look like defensive behaviour. I feel he's not ready for objective information; I have the sense he will only see it as an attempt on my part to find excuses - possibly push him away further.

I can't even leave the unit now; I can't close the floodgates.

Thank you so much for your support @utopia. That's why I'm so cautious in what I say in conversation with my son. Some of his bahaviour I can understand, some of it I can't. I just feel he's not giving me a chance at all. Four more days and a lot can happen in four days.

I'm in almost daily contact with my friend/psychologist and his assistance is invaluable. After a very bad night everything looked dark and gloomy this morning and my feelings just went haywire. I felt so helpless. I've just been out to get some lunch and I'm going out again now. I need to clear my head