Children not communicating

@PeppiPatty, thank you for your kind words. I think the answer is reasonably simple, If I go again, there is the chances of reconnecting, of getting to know each other will be enhanced. If I don't, the chances are that in the unlikely event a conversation start up again, it could easily peter out to nothing very quickly. Quite frankly I think that will harm my children and even more my grandchildren ... and I would not have done my best.

@utopia, the nun is my X's sister. She is extremely good at being subtle. I think you're right, she will plant seeds.

Dearest @Ffm48

Thank you for your reply.

So: this is what your writing:

NOT GO

Conversation will start out and peter out to nothing. This may harm my children/ Grandchildren.

GO.

Chance of reconnecting. Getting to know each other reenhanced.

this is what I'm thinking.

Please be mindful that my husband talks constanty to me...no matter what I do. So as I'm writing this, he is talking.

What is your pattern with your Mother at their ages? Was she there for you? Would she hop on a plane every year to see you ?

Did you have support from family when you were their ages ?

The reason why I am asking you this is:.............. we as Mum's get triggered when our children are the ages we were when there was a difficult time in our lives. When we go on the plane, it is easy to carry our own ...'secrets,'....do you know what I mean? Sometimes just being aware of our own journey's is all we need to still hop on a plane and see them.

This is your decision but the better you know of your own soul, the more success you will have. Last night, me and hubby went to pick my youngest son up from work. He wanted to talk about when I was a bad Mum for the whole ride home...........phew....thats ok. I'm a good Mum now. When I started becoming a bad Mum, they were the age I was when my Mum began kicking me out of home and abusing me.

Im not saying you were ever a bad Mum or Grand Mum but just to be aware of your own soul.

Apologies If Im off the mark.....

Oh dear, @PeppiPatty, my mother would've been happy to see the last of me. She attempted to terminate my pregnancy and never forgave me for living. I think we can discard pursuing that thought.

From the standpoint of my children I was the bad mother. I know that and I accept that. What they seem to have repressed is that my X was abusing me in every which way. They seem to have repressed that to protect my children from having the living daylights beaten out of them I wangled it so that I took their punishment. But that meant that I had to ensure our children performed whatever achievement my X demanded of our children. Hence, I was the bad mother who enforced her will onto them.

And yes, I'd rather keep the communication open even if it means sitting on that plane again and spending 101 time with them.

dearest @Ffm48

Im thinking of you. Im wondering if you could send them a card Apologising for what you did wrong. This is something I feel that they want to hear. It feels likethey do want to communicate ..........but it feels like something is left unsaid.

Your children are allowed to work it out themselves but they must show you decent respect at the end of the day.

Thiss is just an unknown woman writing to you but it would be nice if they reached the conclusion that in their eyes you may have messed up but your better now.

They may need to get older to understand your X treatment of you.

I love the book The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler which touches on this too...........