Hi

The Hams Abides @TAB

Say it aint so @MDT jk lol

hey @Shaz51
thought I'd tag you over here - don't wanna crowd out the good morning thread
I'm a bit sad lately.

Hey is anyone about?

Gonna go to bed. Hoping it helps my mood. Bike ride was good today.

Nite all

Feeling shite

@TAB @oceangirl @Snowie @BlueBay @Shaz51 and others following along

@BPDSurvivor @Meowmy

Hi @Shaz51
Slept in here whoops lol

Hi @BPDSurvivor
Good to see you. Yeah I went to bed.
Thanks for dropping in but sorry I wasn't here to reply.
I am trying my best not to get overwhelmed

Hi @oceangirl @TAB @Shaz51 @BlueBay @BPDSurvivor @Snowie
@Meowmy

Sitting the front garden in the shade. Fresh air will clear my mind. Before I di whatver my tasks are for the day.

Have been thinking about my journey in life life how yesterday I was saying on here that I find it easier to articulate a negative explanation for my life as opposed to a positive one.

This probably says a lot about my thought patterns

I had a dream last night, I'm not big on interpretation of dreams, but in it I got carried away with a big group of people in a party environment and then only mid way through the party experience did I realise that all of these people were all training up for a profession that I wasn't. It was basically their party for them. Why I was there I don't know.. I was the odd one out so to speak. Eventually, some bad people came I'm and surrounded us all and marked us with numbers in order of who would be killed first. I was the first one. Then the dream ended.

I was the only person I knew in that dream. No one in it was familiar to me in any way. But it was a weird experience to witness/feel in my own mind.

I'm not so sure what to do with it. As far as I can tell dreams usually reprocess feelings we have through the time we are awake. Its like our subconscious takes the raw emotion and uploads into a simulator and runs some tests.

I guess I'm not interested in trying to interpret the dream per se, but just trying to find what the raw emotion was and why it was there.

Before I went to sleep I was watching Thai life insurance commercials. They are insanely well made and make you feel emotions on a high. A lot of them are touching and make your weep lol. Maybe this impacted it too.


I keep comparing myself to other guys my age who have things sorted. But I don't mean in a healthy way. A healthy comparison wouldn't even be a comparison at all. It would be a process where I see what I too can achieve.
But I don't do this. I instead sit here and think "such and such is doing well and has moved out and has a gf and has a decent job etc". It's never about how I could be that too, or maybe even that I have elements of that too. Its always about how that other person does well and I'm doing shite and therefore should feel bad or useless or both...

I hope that makes sense.

I really need to reconfigure some core beliefs, thought styles and patterns and also give myself some slack.

I guess I have already started the job search process. Just so that it isn't as daunting to me at the end of the month when my contract expires.

Being in lockdown ahs obviously restricted my lifestyle and I haven't been able to meet new people or branch out where I otherwise would. Of this lockdown didn't kick in then I picture myself working in this job, looking for opportunities, doing life branching out etc. But that can't happen and can't change

I don't know how to articulate a clearer path for my life. Too many things can change or go wrong. In my experience that's been the case. So I always find myself conflicted and dunno how to change that. How can I make a clearer path when si many things change and get out of control?

I'm not sure.

I dunno what a career is - it's just a narrative.