Hi

I always say ditch it @MDT then you say its fine

If I ditch it I pay for it @TAB

I don't think they do either @StuF

I think what I am feeling stems from a negative thought pattern. This though pattern is based on assumptions I hold on to even if they are counter-intuitive to my psychological health. Its almost like I don't care even if they are negative. It's not a healthy pattern to be in.
Its like an unhealthy negative thought pattern which is a "go to" for coping.
For example, a thought pattern I have is "I am a failure because I still live at home at age 27. I did a uni course but didn't get a job in my field because its too competitive to bother. I didn't try. Now I'm in the position I am because I'm an idiot that can't see wood for the trees"

A more correct interpretation is to say "I finished my degree in 2018 after battling SI. I finished it. Then I started whatver job I could find while trying to strike a balance between what I could do with my time and what I needed to focus on in terms of employability and workplace skills. I marred by difficultly and I had to navigate that. In the end I'm a survivor and I need to remember this before i go down any negative thought spiral. While others around me achieve, I need to compare myself to who I was yesterday and not who someone else is today because that's a stupid metric to use - I can only track improvements in my own life. Where I am now is where I've chosen to be because other alternatives were darker and worse.
I just need to spend a bit more time in the wilderness before rising again"

If I can clearly articulate a negative thought pattern then I should be able to clearly articulate a good one. Maybe that's harder

Thanks @TAB @BlueBay @StuF
Yeah went for bike ride and then had lunch. That cleared my mind.
Changed my plan slightly fir the day
Will get all my intern analysis work done before I Got to shops to get groceries. Home made Indian for dinner here.

Feeling a bit at peace with myself. Just small steps in the direction

El Hams @MDT