Struggling and not being heard.

@Powderfinger I was wondering if you knew of the "Stockholm Syndrome", its when we closely identify with our oppressor and excuse their behaviour toward us.

It may enable you to make sense of your feelings towards your ex and have the ability to see it for what it is and truly let go of it.

Nobody is 100% bad - you will remember good things about that relationship even with DV involved.

There would have been happy moments and the promise of that is what keeps you there.

You will work it out.

I'm sending you love and strength,

S.G.

Hugs @Powderfinger ,

I hear your hurt. I'm so sorry it's come to this. It sounds so very hard and your pain is so real.

Please take care, and us this time to look after yourself.

Thank you for having the courage to reach out at this time.

BPDSurvivor

Hi @Powderfinger

It's perfectly normal to feel what you are feeling right now. It's hard to believe that someone you once loved (and hopefully she loved you too) - can turn on you in such an unpleasant way - but it does happen

Also - I recently heard that the rates of male victims of DV is very high - strange to think that but of couse - it does happen. And the break down of a relatioship can bring out the worst in people as it seems with your girlfriend - or her behaviour caused the breakdown - I'm sure - but it does leave bad feelings behind. I know from my own experience

Take could care of yourself and reach out for help if you need to - there is no shame at all in that. I needed a lot of help when I finally ended my marriage - I never wanted it to come to that but it did - and I don't need to go into that now - it is so far in the past - enough to say I understand from experience.

And of course you will find support here - I understand - that's certain. I felt very ill when I broke off a long term relationship - it had become toxic - and I had to be firm in telling him it was over and sticking to that. We have to take care of ourselves - we must protect ourselves - self-care is not at all selfish - we need to take care of ourselves first and make sure we do all the things that keep us healthy -

It has to have been very hard getting a VRO against someone you once cared about. Who knows what caused here to fire up against you - I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this. There is only one way out of it though and that is through - I am sure you know that

Please keep in touch - I have been thinking of you and hoping you can keep safe

I hope things are easier in WA without the lock-downs the rest of us are having - at least you can see people face-to-face

You are on my mind - I am sending my best supportive thoughts

Dec

@Peregrinefalcon

I feel very broken. It is hard when most people you talk to are living in a world that is relatively normal and yours is not at all normal. l want to scream and scream and scream and breakdown. Its either that or I just go blank. I will be calling 1800 respect tp talk soon, thank you.

PF

@Former-Member

I have heard of Stockholme Syndrome and read about victims of other crimes have it. I am severely traumatised with what I have been through and recent events. I also had a pre-diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I do not think I will look into Stockholme syndrome just yet. I am truly struggling to come to terms with much right now. I think for the most part of the day I have been disassociating. I do not think that is a bad thing short term. It keeps one safe in some ways. If I was to feel everything, I wouldnt be here that I know.

PF

@BPDSurvivor

Thank you.

PF

Hi @Owlunar

It is so hard to come to terms with all of this. The things is, I did not just love her, I was in love with her. I am 41 years old, had plenty of life experience to determine matters of the heart. I think I am more than likely still in love with her. I feel very deeply for her. I must mention though and should have mentioned that it was a same sex relationship. In saying that that yes males are abused by women as well. I do believe she did love me very much and I loved her very much too.

There was a lot to love about her. She was a creative. a painter. I am a creative, a writer. She loved my writing and I loved her paintings. We shared our love of music together. She was spiritually minded and I am spiritually minded. She wanted marriage and I wanted marriage. She was very affectionate and I am very affectionate. Probably a few more things.

However, I cannot deny there was abuse. I just cannot. Very possessive and controlling. She would constantly assume I was cheating on her. Monitoring my phone went I got a text message. Extremely jealous and accusatory when it came to my ex as we had remained friends. Threatened ond day to track her down and ask her if it was really over between us. I was with her all the time mostly. It was really out of control and insane. I certainly was not cheating on her. No matter how much I tried to show her and eplain my ex and I was just friends, the jealousy and control still continued. She would also say if we go out I am not going to like anyone looking at you. I would say this is stupid, you do not even have to concern yourself with that. I know who I am with and who I want to be with. I wouldnt even be paying attention to any of that anyway. I dont care. I would just be enjoying being with you. I knew deep down though that she had been treated badly in the past. Cheated on, her self worth was so low, extreme insecuirty. I wanted so much to show her that this just wasnt something I believed in. I was and do believe in loyalty and faithfulness. I now know that it wouldnt have mattered what I did or didn't do. This was something she needed serious help with and it wasn't my fault that I could not get her past that. It did break my heart though. Broke my heart for her and broke my heart for me.

Then there were other things that scared me a lot. Like one day she said to me, everyone I have been with either leaves, disappears or dies. She is not the type to physically hurt anyone, that I know or else she would have a criminal record. I know that I would definitely know. Definitely. I see in all her ways, she just could never have believed that anyone would ever stick around at all. So, yeah she did a lot of things that hurt me so incredibly deeply that it ended up pushing me away anyway. She was very manipulative too. Like if I said no I will not be doing something or no I do not want to do something, she would maniuplate me with something she knew I wanted to have. I never fell for it. I stood my ground and said I didnt care and my mind was made up. I really hated it when she did that.

I am not stupid and can see that in all those times, it had absolutely nothing to do with love at all. It hurts so deeply when you do truly love someone so deeply and they do these things to you. The fact that it is true, is super hard to come to terms with. When I ended the relationship, it is not because I was not in love anymore, it was because I just couldn't take anymore. It was a very hard, painful and traumatic day. Even if time had gone by and she went and got help, it would not have been a good relationship nor would it have improved at all.

What I miss is the good times. I miss being able to hug her and be close to her. I miss being able to hold her if she is crying. I miss some of her funny texts and some of her phone calls. The abuse though is never far from my mind to follow the things I miss. At times it feels like a cruel torture to feel everything I do.

Then I have to go to court on Tuesday. I don't want to sit in that court waiting area nor in the court room. I really don't. I don't like the place and i am really scared of being re traumatised. I have been down this road before. I am scared that with my mental health being the way it is that I wont be able to cope as I have been so extremely traumatised. I almost feel like I need to take tedy bears with me. I have never in my life taken a teddy bear to court. I would feel so embarrassed because people would not understand why I am holding this teddy bear. I am really worried because I know my mental state and I am really conccerned of doing this at this point. If I do not though, then I risk more domestic violence. I am in a rock and a hard place. I truly am petrifed of going to court.

I have never been married. I was engaged to be married once. Leaving a marriage would be even harder than leaving a relationship because you make a commitment forever when you get married. To have forvere come to an end because you can longer be in the marriage, would be absolutely beyond devastating to go through.

I feel for everyone in Melbourne who have faced so many lockdowns. It would be extremely stressful happening over and over and over again. It has been well over a year since it all started and I am not surpised that there definitely would be severe, declining menatl health for a lot of people. I am really sorry for all people in Melbourne going through this trauma and what I feel would be hell.

PF

I'm thinking of you @Powderfinger

Don't have a lot of words in me atm but just wanted to acknowledge yours x

@frog

That's Ok. Thank you. Take care of yourself today.

I'm so thankful it is Monday. This weekend has been nothing short of a nightmare and then some. I can finally contact my support worker today and go see her. I think I'm going to crumble when I see her. O can't do this alone anymore.