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Struggling and not being heard.

PowderfingerSenior Contributor17 Aug 2021, 4:48 am AEST

Struggling and not being heard.

I have another thread here that I started recently about ending the relationship I was in just recently.

I'm really struggling with the ex. She wants to get back together and I do not want to. All the reasons I ended it have not changed. I'd just be going back to the same thing and she just doesn't seem to get it. I've told her numerous times it is over and I do not want to be in a relationship with her or anyone else.

As usual it just goes unnoticed. It's like she tries to change my mind. I know she wasn't expecting me to end it. I know it came as a huge shock to her. I have explained all the reasons I ended it. I did that because it would give her insight instead of just leaving her dangling with no idea why I ended it.

I'm focusing on getting well .entallu and physically. I can't get well in going back to a relationship that made a huge contribution to my emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. My heart got completely smashed and I was betrayed by her.

I start therapy next week. I really need to talk about what I went through. My trust in the relationship was severed after the betrayal. When you don't have trust you have nothing.

She wants to get back together and I don't. She doesn't seem to be hearing that at all. I'm not sure what else to do now I don't see her at all or text/call her.

I just don't what I should do from here. My heart is still trying to heal and going back is not how I resolve my issues. I'd be going back to everything as it was. I don't think she is getting the message that I just need to do me and my life for a while without the pressure to get back together or commit to a relationship. I don't want to be in one and I'm not in a good space in myself or my life to be in a relationship right now. I just cannot go there.

How can I get this message through to her so they sink in. My heart is hurting everyday.

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In response to: Struggling and not being heard.

PowderfingerSenior Contributor31 Aug 2021, 9:47 pm AEST

Re: Struggling and not being heard.

@Corny

I love your positivity. My hat off to you. You reminded me today to let people in within reason. I was so stuck in my old ways of thinking and being. I actually saw my new doctor for the first time today. I had requested a change because my old doctor just wasn't cutting it for me. It has taken me a year to find the right doctor.

She was absolutely amazing. I bad read your post before my appointment and it helped shift things for me. So a very big thank you from me to you for helping me become aware of what I was doing and stuck in.

I am seeing her once a week till I get more mentally stable and the referral has been made for the 3 month suicide program/therapy I'm going to be doing.

For the first time I actually feel a renewed sense of hope.

I too am sorry your trauma started in childhood. If any trauma of the different traumas I know of, for me childhood and going to war are two of the hardest ones.

In response to: Re: Struggling and not being heard.

CornySenior Contributor01 Sept 2021, 4:09 am AEST

Re: Struggling and not being heard.

I am really glad that you have found a good GP @Powderfinger it can take years. I have never had a good one until about 18 months ago, I decided to be a daggy lil sib and follow my big sib to the same practice even though it wasn't close by, for the 1st time I am happy with my GP. It's good to know they are out there cos I will feel vulnerable when my Psychiatrist retires, which I don't blame him for if that is soon given how mind boggling stressful it must be being a Psychiatrist.

I think it is a good sign that you feel comfortable seeing her once a week and it sounds like you were comfortable enough to talk about the really hard stuff like suicidal ideation. It's so hard to trust after experiences like this, sometimes it is no longer possible.

Yes, only let people in within reason. Some people don't deserve what we share with them, and your trust has been shattered to a thousand tiny pieces so you will feel very fragile in that department for some time. Even in domestic settings the brain responds similarly to war because we are imprisoned. Its quite incredible the adaptations it can create, but as we all know they can become maladaptive later, or our nervous system gives out. You've had a life time of trauma, which also brings heart break with it, go gently on yourself and if it is possible, go no contact with your ex. It's the only chance that your body has to heal. Of course it takes time to breakup especially if you were financially intertwined as well and also have to move house/apartments. Getting a puppy would supercharge that healing if you don't have one already & have the resources to give them a safe and happy life. Corny.

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