Struggling and not being heard.

@Powderfinger I heard someone say you have three choices in an undesirable situation - stay, change the situation, or leave.

You have now left - good choice.

Maybe get an apprehended violence order (AVO) with the police to stop her trying to harrass you

If you can, change your phone number so she can't send you messages.

Also make your facebook settings private which is what I learned from a slip shifter (private detective) who wrote a book on how to disappear. I had to do this after my ex.

1. Block her from direct messaging you on facebook
2. Making your friend facebook list private
3. and your entire facebook wall private
4. ...and Minimise your online footprint like twitter so she can't trace you.

Use this time to incubate your intentions using a manifestation method like a visionboard to draw friends into your life. Once your intention is "in the field" you can attract whatever you want. The field is just vibration and is match for match what you want.

Good luck, you are not alone.

Much love,

S.G.

@Former-Member

Thank you for your suggestions. I know I made the right choice for me to leave. I know that my heart and trust was s broken that I could be longer stay in the dysfunction and extreme stress.

I havel DV support. I got that a few days after leaving and have a support worker. I'm starting therapy next week too. For now that is enough. I can't manage much more.

I'm not wanting to take out what we call a restraining order here in western Australia. If I need to go down that road I will, I just can't go through with that at this stage.

Blocking is a good idea and I have in most things. I'm also not under any obligation to respond to anything if I don't want to.

I know what you mean about your last suggestion. I understand energy and manifestation. I'm not ready for so many things. I've just been dealing with the overwhelm and stress by one minute a day, hour by hour when Iml just too overwhelmed in my head and not coping too well.

I have continuous difficulties with prior diagnosis of CPTSD and it will never go away. Like most things it's learning how to manage and it can have it's days where I don't like having this at all. I basically need to re build my life slowly.

Powderfinger.

@Powderfinger day by day and step by step and you will slowly get there!

Honor what your body is telling you and do only what you can.

Apologies for enthusiasm in the form of suggestions which you weren't quite ready to hear right now.

The only way is up from now on!

In solidarity,

S.G.

Hi @Powderfinger

It's really hard to end a relationship anyway and even more so when the other person doesn't want to accept this change in circumstances

Things seemed to have been very tough between you and the worst thing has to be that she betrayed you - that is the living end - I have been betrayed in my past too and I am sure it really destroys whatever worked between people and also makes every sus event worse too - I really hear you

We seem to be encouraging you to stick with your decision and I agree with that - breaking up changes many things in our lives and there are often other people involved who may be for or against - they can make things harder

We are completely outside of all of this and we can be here for you as you adjust to the change of circumstances. I can hear how exhausted you are - you can block people from your social media and change your phone number which you have already done

Another thing you need to do it to give yourself time to adjust - I had to go through a breakdown in a long term relationship twice - my choice both times - the first time was a marriage - we need support from anyone who cares enough to give it and we are - and time - sometimes a long time - as other issues change too

All the best - it will be better for you in the long time I am sure - please keep in touch and hold on to your truth - this is tough - this we know

Dec

@Former-Member

Thank you. It's been an exceptionally rough day today. I felt a bit better yesterday then bang majorly downhill today. Thanks for the further advice.

No apology needed.

PF

@Owlunar

At this stage I cannot forgive the betrayal. I've had a realisation today that I need to love myself. In the past I would forgive the worst things people would do to me. Thinking that if they said sorry, that it was enough.

I'm a bit older now and with betrayal and saying sorry, it is not enough. It's just a word and without actions it means nothing to me. It's just left me with feelings of emptyness. Some people can overcome it together, although it takes a lot of hard work and maturity on both parts. I feel at this stage I can't. Forgiveness is a long way off.

I'm sticking with my decision. I've not once changed my mind. Other people/were are involved. More from her end then mine. I also am friends with my ex. Have been since the relationship ended. Purely friendship. Only found out after I ended the current relationship recently that my ex/friend wants another chance at being together as she loves me.

It's just too much. I've said no. I need time for myself. Now, I have two people wanting to be in a relationship with me and I don't want to be with anyone at all.

I have no ego issues in all this. I've been honest with both of them and said no, I do not want to be in a relationship. Whether they accept that or not there is nothing I can do about that. I don't lead either of them on, I don't give either of them false hope, I don't ask either of them for anything. I don't think either of them realise how painful it is and how hard it is when both are saying to me that anything I need, anything I want, they are there for me. It's hard when I'm exceptionally vulnerable right now. I have thanked them both, however I ask neither of them for anything because to me it feels like they are competing for me, as they know about each other. Just never met. Love IS NOT a competition, not to me anyway. If either of them viewed it like that I would actually just say, I will leave you both to this foolishness and none of you will be my partner. I don't find it an attractive quality or belief. The issue here is, the more honorable I am, the more both of them love me. I know @Owlunar, it sounds ridiculous. It is true though.

Thanks for recognising how exhausted I am. I really am. I don't even recognise my own life or me anymore. I'm tired, finding it hard to make decisions, just really beyond exhausted.

I've broken down completely. I just have nothing left to give. Truly. Physically, mentally, emotionally or any other things required of me. I need to give myself so much right now and it just feels I have no one. To put the boot in further, I lost my last and only friend yesterday. Not good timing. I can't even deal with that right now. They didn't pass away, they chose to abandon our friendship without a word nor explanation. I've let them go. I won't speak to them ever again. However, the pain of that at what already is a bad time for me just wasn't needed.

I really appreciate your post and understanding Dec. I needed this. I don't think I can be strong today. Just too tired.

PF.

Aw @Powderfinger

As I said - I have been betrayed and it has to have been the worst thing that anyone ever did to me - and also - the betrayal was lies. So I have forgiven this woman for many things but not betrayal - it certainly is very destructive and changes so many things

I would agree with keeping out of the relationship and do your best to find yourself again. I really do know - it is so hard to get past - although I don't know what to suggest except to maintain your isolation from both of these people are seek some help from Life Line or a therapist - I don't know if you have that kind of access to help

You can only do what you can do - so keep to yourself as long as it's safe. Remember as bad as you feel right now you are still the same person - whatever other people do to hurt us can't change who we are -

Betrayal - it is such a bad deal and I can't imagine how anyone can do that to another person

I really feel for you and I am really glad you wrote so much about it - I read all of it and I hope it helped you to write all of it

Dec

@Owlunar

I have read through your message. All I can say right now is thank you for sharing and lostening. I've entered a period of quiet. It's just what I need right now. I know everyone is always here though.

PF

@frog @Owlunar @Former-Member @Former-Member @BPDSurvivor

I don't feel good at all. The police decided to issue a temporary protection order for me and served my ex yesterday afternoon. In this moment, I feel incredibly sad that the person I loved has been served with this. I'm aware that it us for my safety. I understand. It doesn't stop me from feeling hurt. I hurt for her. I hurt that she just couldn't stop and it resulted in these consequences. It's sold confusing for me. It's hard to accept the person I loved is a person that is so deeply wounded too. Of course I know there is no excuse for abuse and that my compassion and kindness was taken advantage of. It's just so confusing. I'm not sure if it is normal to feel these things I'm feeling. A part of me wants to say I'm sorry for this happening to you, a part of me is so hurt by her, a part of me wonders if there was a small part of her that did actually love me, a part of me remembers her distress at not coping without me, begging me to come back, to be with her, crying and so on, then I also remember how she could suddenly flip her moods, from crying to anger, to saying very hurtful and nasty things, denying when I was telling the truth, minimising and denying my feelings and much more than that. I'm on this nightmare of a rollercoaster and just need some support.

Tomorrow I have to fill out paperwork for the restraining order (VRO) and then court on Tuesday. I'm linked in with the local DV support in my town. It's just that I couldn't contact them as it's the weekend. I can call my support worker in the morning. I feel so alone. My only friend is in Perth till tomorrow afternoon and my housemate is away at work. I don't want to talk on the phone. It's just too much right now. Having a hard time pulling myself together.

My gosh, @Powderfinger - I am so, so deeply sorry to hear about your situation. At the same time, it is a releif to know that this action has been taken to keep yourself safe.

I hope that the Forums community can be a source of comfort and support during this really difficult time.

Of course, if you feel that you might benefit from extra support right now, please don't hesitate to reach out to any services below:

Lifeline 13 11 14

1800RESPECT

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

Take extra special care of yourself and know that you will always be welcome here

Kind regards

Peregrinefalcon