Wobbly after Hospital

Hi @Rosemary4

It’s so lovely to hear from you

I’m so sorry for my delay in replying to you and I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that I’m still here and that my care and concern for you remains the same

Sadly, I’ve had a few unexpected events that have taken some of my time away from the forums. Please know that I will definitely touch base with you as soon as possible with a more considered response in relation to what you’ve shared with me

In the meantime, please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you some very gentle and caring hugs at such a difficult time

I look forward to talking with you again soon

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar

Hi @Rosemary4

It’s always so lovely to hear from you and I just wanted to thank you for your patience in relation to the time that it’s taken for me to be able to reach back to you

As I read this part of your story, I could hear how incredibly difficult things have been for you and I’m so pleased that you were able to reach out and share some of your experiences with me

Being unable to fall to sleep can be incredibly distressing and I can still remember the times in my life when sleep was virtually impossible. During these times, I felt so desperately alone and as though I was the only person in the world who was still awake. In some ways, it felt like a cruel irony as no matter how exhausted I felt and how desperately I needed and wanted to fall to sleep, I just couldn’t.

I was really interested to understand a little more about what happens for you during these times and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if you have a sense of what may be contributing to the difficulties that you’re currently experiencing in relation to your sleep?

I’m so sorry to hear that you were recently hospitalised and I can’t even begin to imagine what this experience was like for you.

I can hear how absolutely terrified you’re feeling in relation to taking the medications that have been prescribed for you and it sounds as though you’re doing everything within your power to challenge your thoughts in relation to this

Continuing to take your medication despite your fears is incredibly courageous and I just ever so gently wanted to say that making the decision to suddenly stop a specific medication without medical supervision could be harmful for you and so please take care around this

I’m so deeply sorry to hear that you recently harmed yourself and my heart goes out to you. It can be incredibly distressing when our injuries result in scars and in my experience, feelings of shame not only have a detrimental impact on the way in which we feel about ourselves, but they can also adversely influence our ability to access the care and support that we so desperately need

It can be incredibly painful when our relationships with our friends begin to change and I can still remember how powerless and distraught I felt when my friends drifted away or I found myself unable to keep pace with them. During these times, I became further isolated and I watched in distress as my world began to shrink just that little bit further.

I really wanted to understand your experiences with your friends, especially when you shared ‘I don’t know how to tell them how I feel.’ As such, I just ever so gently wondered if you’re finding it difficult to tell them how you feel in relation to what’s currently happening for you in your life, or if you’re finding it difficult to tell them how you feel when they don’t visit as often?

Absolutely! Having to wait a fortnight before you’re able to have contact with your support worker would feel like an eternity! In my experience, people often need frequent and ongoing support and as such, I just wondered if there are any other people involved in your care?

There have been so many times in my life when I felt such a profound sense of despair, that I lost any sense of hope that I would ever be able to find my way out of the emotional prison that had become my life. However, in time and with the necessary care and support I began to see glimmers of light shining through the darkness

I felt really concerned when you shared ‘I’m not sure if I have anything left to offer the world anyway, or if I can find a way out of this hole this time’ and as such, I just ever so gently wondered what this meant for you?

I look forward to talking with you again whenever you feel ready and able to reach back

In the meantime, please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you some very gentle and caring hugs at such a difficult time

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar

Hello @Rosemary4

Noticed your "Support" for some posts in the last few days. Just thought I would take the opportunity to say Hi!

Best Wishes

@HenryX

Thank you all for your connecting with me. I'm sorry every time I try reply properly I lose train of thought, but I appreciate your time. I come back and read them over, thank you. Don't know what else to say. Not in good place tonight. Saw Dr today. I don't think the medication is working. I'm here on my own. It's not safe anywhere, not even in my dreams. Had some icecream that calmed me a little. I was coming good for a couple of weeks. Anyone awake?

Hello @Rosemary4 ,

I read you post from about an hour ago, it is just past midnight Eastern time, 10.04 W.A. time. I don't know whether I can help but would be happy to talk with you if you would like to.

Will be going to bed at 11.00 pm W.A. time

Best Wishes

@HenryX

@HenryX- thanks, sorry Ive missed you. I've spent an hour on forums this morning and enjoyed reading many of your posts in particular. You seem to have a lot of life experience and knowledge and so giving to here. Just thought I'd tell you that. I'm not sure what to write, quite down lately. Father's Day didn't help, I miss my dad. Hope your day is good.

@ShiningStar please forgive me, i'ts difficult for me to stay focused, to concentrate. I was just reading your post from a month ago and really appreciate your kindness and gentle confrontation that makes me think. To answer the last question first, you said
"I felt really concerned when you shared ‘I’m not sure if I have anything left to offer the world anyway, or if I can find a way out of this hole this time’ and as such, I just ever so gently wondered what this meant for you?"
It means I'm lost and do contemplate ending things often. Which I'm sure you picked up on. Everything relapse seems to take another large chunk off my life I'm not sure I'll get back. What's hard is how my condition pushed everyone away and I'm not connected to hardly anyone anymore which makes life hard and pointless, to be alone. Having said that, I've made my loungeroom really nice on the weekend and trying. And the weather is really wonderful this spring.
I've spent a lot of time reading helpful posts and bipolar links on the forums here this morning. Really helpful, and lots to absorb. Thank you 💐

Hello @Rosemary4

Thank you for the contact and your reference regarding cyclothymia. Very much appreciated.

With My Best Wishes

@HenryX

Hi @Rosemary4

It’s so lovely to hear from you

Thank you so much for your beautiful message and the virtual roses Roses are one of my favourite flowers and I especially love the pink ones!

As I read your message, I was incredibly touched when you said, ‘please forgive me’ and as such I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that there’s absolutely nothing to forgive

There have been so many times in my life when I’ve struggled to be able to focus and concentrate and I can really appreciate how challenging this can be

As such, I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that there’s absolutely no pressure or expectations in relation to how long it may take for you to be able to reach back. Please just reply whenever you can - I’ll still be here

Thank you so much for sharing what ‘I’m not sure if I have anything left to offer the world anyway, or if I can find a way out of this hole this time’ meant for you In my experience, living with thoughts of suicide can be an incredibly painful, dark and lonely place to be and I’m so deeply sorry to hear that this is something that you’ve been wrestling with

During these times in my life, I realised that one of the things that I desperately needed was the opportunity to be able to connect with someone who could sit with me in the rubble, listen to what was happening for me and hear my pain and distress.

As I reflected on this part of your story, I found myself thinking about some of your experiences and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if there’s anything that you find helpful during these times?

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re losing chunks of your life and my heart goes out to you In my experience, losing parts of our lives can be absolutely devastating and I can still remember how terrified and powerless I felt as the parts of my life that I was trying so desperately to hold onto, continued to slip through my fingers and vanish into thin air.

Losing our relationships as a result of the mental health conditions that we’re living with can be absolutely devastating and as I listened to your words, I could really hear how distressing this has been for you. I would love to be able to understand your experiences a little better and as such, I just ever so gently wondered in what way do you feel that your condition has pushed people away?

Wow! I love hearing how people have rearranged their living spaces and I just wondered how have you changed your lounge room?

As I read this part of your story, I noticed that you shared ‘and trying’ and I got the sense that perhaps you were referring to way in which you’re living with bipolar disorder

As such, I just ever so gently wanted to share with you that whenever I read your posts, I always get an overwhelming sense that you’re doing everything within your power to keep going and find a way forward and I’ve never once doubted how hard you’re trying

I truly believe that people do the very best that they can with the resources that they have available to them and as such, their ability to move forward has absolutely nothing to do with how hard they’re trying

In my experience, it’s so easy to criticize ourselves in relation to how we believe we’re managing some of the challenges in our lives, when often what we really need is understanding, compassion and support as we do our very best to weather the storm and find a way through

Absolutely! There are some fantastic resources and threads about bipolar disorder and I think that it’s great that you’ve been exploring some of these! In my experience, although it can be incredibly helpful to read other people’s stories, it can also be slightly overwhelming, as there’s often so much to process!

Over the years, one of the things that I’ve come to realise is that it can take time to ‘get to know’ the mental health conditions that we’re living with. As such, I just ever so gently wanted to encourage you to be kind and patient with yourself as you continue to find your way

Please know that I’m still thinking of you and sending you some very gentle and caring hugs at such a difficult time

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar